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Wasted

CLove's picture

Im a little flored, but probably I already know the answer to this: STAY THE HECK OUT OF IT

So, Munchkin SD12 is a really really good artist. Shes got a lot of different ideas on what she wants to create and loves watercoloring, pencils and all that. Her latest thing was she wanted an ipad drawing pad, to do digital drawings and cartoons and comics, to print and publish online. She researched it and found out it costs almost $2,000 bucks.

Shes been wanting this for about 6 months, ever since she saw her cousin, also an artist, with one. I thought it was an extravagant thing at the time for a 12-year old, especially since bot households have such tight budgets already, and we are all stuggling to make things work. BM, Toxic Troll has been out of work a few months now. She is supposed to get a $30k payment from the work, (probably her calpers retirement account - she worked for the school system), and a $50k payment for her "head injury". ("" because all her symptoms she reported to Drs were pre-existing according to DH).

So....Toxic Troll must have gotten her W-2's already and went to HR Block, and got her returns done. Because Munchkin comes in this morning at dropoff, and brags that she got her ipad drawing tool. I asked where? She said "mom, because she got her tax money back".

Im like flabbergasted. So, obviously she hasnt gotten her payouts yet, if it was tax money specifically.

I asked how much it costs. "oh about 1,000. And it didnt include the pen."

How much did the pen cost? "oh about $200."

Then munchkin asks me if we got her trifold board for her project due wednesday. I told her we spaced on it - why didnt her mother buy it for her when they were shopping for electronics. She got more upset "but Im going to fail if I dont have that board, I thought YOU GUYS WERE GETTING IT".

Sorry. You mother can spend over 1200 (you plus tax) on non-essentials for you, but we have to buy everything you need?

Oh I was just so pissed off. This child hasnt been to a dr in over a year for annual check up, hasnt been to a dentist in 2 years at leat, and was complaining about blurry eyes and her needing eyeglasses. I understand its the way of things for kiddos to test boundaries, and not be concerned about their own health, but the mother is the one who has always been responsible for dr visits and insurance.

And Toxic Feral, shes expected to pay rent, and they were almost getting kicked out, a few weeks ago.

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

I get the sentiment because it feels like we end up doing the same for the boys. BM can't afford socks and underwear, but the kids have a subscription to GameFly. Can't afford $37 for school stuff, but can afford two large pet snakes.

Though, to BM's credit, the boys have never missed a doctor's appointment. With as much custody as your DH has, he should be taking her to the doctor. I assume he has the right to, so why not take her on his own?

CLove's picture

Toxic Troll has all the insurance info, and is not working right now.

DH works full time.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I am going to assume that BM got a tax advance loan or whatever those things are called when the tax place gives younsome of your refuns up front.  I completely understand being upset by the irresponsibility of BM.  Our BM bragged that she got over $9,000 last year.  She went on a spending spree and was too broke to visit her own daughter 3 weeks later.  She had been promising SD12 that she would visit for months and she let her down.  DH and I were the ones who had to comfort her.  

My only advice is not to punish your SD for the mistakes of her mother.  She is 12 years old and can't help that get mom is not responsible.

CLove's picture

My only comments were "thats awesome!" to munchkin

Yes, HR Block is her go to. She was going to work there doing taxes.

LOL>

 

advice.only2's picture

It totally sucks, but you can’t let yourself care about how BM blows her money.

we once had to pay meth mouth 10 grand in back child support, and she blew it all up her nose and in her arms...trust me it stings like a mother f@cker, but I had to let it go.

I like to look at it that all the money we wasted giving to meth mouth and Spawn money I now don’t have to leave behind to those wastes of space.

CLove's picture

10,000k??? Shoot - what am I whining about then?

The positive side is that I dont have to hear about how she cant do this or that because she doesnt have a digital drawing tool.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

for Xmas I got her an iPad 6 for $328 and an Apple Pencil for $200. The iPad 6 is compatible with the Apple Pencil . Last

year when she was 10 she got a drawing tablet that was less than that . There is no need to pay thousands for a

12 year old

CLove's picture

For a youngster. Especially when she doesnt do chores, she doesnt do much of anything to help out either household. So its "unearned".

Siemprematahari's picture

BM doesn't have her priorities straight. Spending money on non-essential items but not paying rent for a roof over her head or taking her daughter to doctor appointments. I mean where is the sense and the priorities here?? I understand your frustration as my H and I were in somewhat of a similar situation (BM spending the CS on crap and not on their child).

Keep your promise and step back from doing the extras. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do because the BM will always find a way to twist it around like you both aren't sh!t. Just be loving & supportive like you've always been but guarded. If she asks you for anything refer her to her father and hopefully he'll tell her nicely that the CS that her mother is getting will cover it.

CLove's picture

Toxic Troll has always been very foolish with money. She has 2 bankruptcies, DH gave her a vehicle in divorce settlement, so then she and her boyfriend at the time bought a newer $14,000 vehicle. She is too proud to thrift shop.

Yes, I wil have to find a new "balance". I have fun buying her things here and there. More importantly I have always enjoyed time spent together and "going on adventures", to just stuff.

Toxic Troll is insanely jealous that her daughter might actually really care for me, or prefer living with us. So, it almost feels like a "battle" to win her over. Oh well, truth wins out over smoke sceens and lies (sometimes).

sunshinex's picture

Ohh I would be annoyed for sure. 

I remember when DH and I were dating and not sharing finances for many reasons, we have always had full-custody of SD with BM getting visitation in the summer. BM never paid child support and still doesn't. She kept the child benefits we get in our province because "she pushed her out" and would fight hard to convince the government she had SD. We finally cleared that up after getting married, but anyway, she paid NOTHING.

DH was working 2 jobs to provide for SD and still coming up short after daycare, rent and utilities, so I was always the one buying her school lunches/food. The school had a pizza program and DH did his best to afford it, but most times, he had no money at all leftover after buying what was needed, so she didn't get pizza money 90% of the time. BM once dropped her off after her summer visitation and handed DH an envelope with $20 in it in front of SD saying "make sure this goes to pizza, don't spend it on ANYTHING else" 

DH was livid, understandably so. He had called her earlier before SD left for visitation saying "I know I said we could avoid child support if you helped, but you haven't been helping. Can you please send even $100 a month towards our daughter? It would make a big difference and she would be able to have some treats instead of just necessities that I can afford" and she said "What do you want me to do? I don't even have $5 to my name, I can't do anything. It's not my fault you live an expensive life!"

 

CLove's picture

DH and I keep our finances separate. Now that I am working full time and making almost as much as he is, we are going to be more comfortable in our lives, but he also does sidework as a mechanic. That also helps.

Toxic Troll "lost" her job in November (her workmans comp claim caused them to ask her to step down) and has been working as a cleaning person for extra cash. And she has apparently gotten a job as a "home care worker". But we dont know much about her schedule. Sometimes she picks up munchkin early. sometimes she picks her up late.

$20. Nice. So - no ambition to make her life any better, eh?

Toxic Troll keeps bragging about her "enjoying the single life", on social media, and yet I know she would LOOOOOOOVE to find a dude that 1. has a job 2. has a car/truck and 3. knows how to fix things because when she broke her marriage she lost all that...and shes finding it tough to find a decent guy in this very small town.