I feel like Alice in Wonderland sometimes. And thanks to all that commented and advised.
Im wondering on your take on this...
Guess what - I took the advice and have disengaged. Now I am simply watching and have no emotional investment.
Yesterday, as Im driving home from work, Husband pleads with me to pick up Sd16. She stayed late for her color guard practice, so it did not coincide with his off work drive and he would have had to leave home and drive the 30 mins there and 30 mins back. So its only about 15-20 mins out of my way and he had a rough day at the shop. Hes a mechanic, so heavily physical.
I picked SD16 B/M up, shes seemingly cheerful. We chit chat...just like normal. Then at the middle of the ride, she asks about the job my friend had offered. Okaaaaaay. So, knowing the answer to my own question, I just say "well lets discuss this - so - how are your grades?" This takes the emotion out of it. Takes my emotions out of it. I dont mention I have any knowledge of her grades. The second part of the drive I get to hear all the stories about "my math teacher is failing half the school" (?) And "my counselor is crazy and just signed me up for freshman history because he said I dont have enough credits and my mom is going to talk to him" (good luck with that! Its always been daddycakes that swoops in to do battle with teachers) so Im signed up for this class I didnt even know about!"
We get home...Im not even really listening to the stories and reasons. Just "uhu" my way through as we get in the house.
But thats not the end. You see DH has been in discussion with his friends with children her age. And they are all starting to drive. So, I suggest he touch base with kiddo about the permit class she had started and couldnt complete because "summer school". so he did the "big ask". She was very pouty and just said "I dont have time, I have to catch up on my school work".
He told her "well if you can start driving and you get your license Im going to BUY you a car!!!!! Think of the FREEDOME!!!"
Pout pout pout. "I dont have time"
Husband : "well you know so-and-so s kiddo is driving? How many of your friends parents BUY them a car?"
Pouty mc Pouterson: "yea I know. A lot of them have cars from their parents. I just have to catch up on my schoolwork".
I just watched amused at the exchange. Usually Im irritated.
Husband: "and just think, if your sister or mother piss you off you can just drive off"...(? Not a good incentive to give, but Im keeping quiet...)
After SD16 PmP left... I informed him that reaction was probably because I had asked about her grades...to let her know that she needs to step up if she wants benefits and money and fun...