@Clove the texting response back will NOT get better as they get older if DH does not correct it now. However, this might be teaching you to stop caring about anything at all. You were trying to show kindness about her artwork and the show (I am certain this isn't how you would want to spend your time) - very supportive and kind of you. But met with disrespect and garbage right back. Take that trash out and stop putting any energy into this SKID. I sometimes "think" about saying something nice or doing something nice...then I remeber how they give a rat's arse about me and only realize I exist when they need something. 

I have to point out again.. you are not disengaging.

Unless your DH beer schedule is impacting YOU.. why do you care whether he goes after he picks up his child?  It's actually very common for parents to deal with their kid's transportation needs and work their discretionary (beer drinking) appointments around those things.  I don't see anything wrong with what he did. .. or her.. asking for a ride.. dad says yes.. no problem there.

Why did you poke the bear on that art project? Why do you care?   I mean.. what was the reason why you had to indpendently pick your phone up and choose to send her a text about something that wasn't vital to your own life..  And.. not responding.. when she seems to view you as the boot in her butt.. and probably took your email as "nagging" about something you thought she should be doing.. that she may not be as interested in doing.. or answering a bunch of questions about... so she ignored it.  or maybe didn't know the answer or if there was an answer to what you were asking.. maybe her project was already rejected.. who knows.  BUT.. the bottom line is this was not something you NEEDED to know.

And.. you are coming off as petty.. pushing buttons.. being an AH?  I get that you are very hurt by what you see as your Skid's rejection and lack of loyalty to you.. despite all the wonderful things you have tried to do for her.. but being a jerk to your SO and her don't make you even.. it makes you down at their level.. maybe lower in some ways.. because some of what they did to you was probably not meant personally.. what you are doing IS mean and personal.

I don't think you are a mean person.. but what you are doing is... I think you really need to take a giant step back and try to accept your SD is what she is.. your SO is her parent.. and that you don't have the control or connection you thought you did with her.. and at this point.. you are keeping yourself in a place of "misery" by not just getting over it.. and leaving it in the past.

The definition of insanity.

I get in my car and start my journey home from work.

Husband texts me "Im going to have a beer with Barnical Buddy".

I ask "is SD17 Powersulk with us tonight?"

Husband "yes, I pick her up at 6:30, shes with friends"

I chuckle "Have fun, see you tonight."

He gets home at 8, Ive already eaten. Hes shopped. No skid as he walks in the door.

We discuss. "How was beer with friend?", “That’s great glad you had a good time, I’m going to bed, good night.”

CLove, there simply is NO appealing to his greater sensibility because he has NONE.

Husband texts "Im going to have a beer with Barnical Buddy".

CLove texts "Okay."

Husband walks in alone. 

CLove "Hi."

Even your H says you need to let it go. If you want time with him, tell him you want to go on a date and to let you know when he's available. You fell off of the Disengagement Wagon and Powersulk is your proverbial alcohol. Get back on that wagon.

I get that you want PS to care about you and you want to be involved in her life. But she's a little sh!t who only cares about herself. Many of us were as teens and hopefully she will grow out of it but right now, you have the little sh!t. Don't engage with her.

Your DH cares most about his own comfort. His beer drinking, and making life as easy as possible for himself. He also wants to have a good relationship with his daughter but lacks the brain power and non-laziness to do anything but react when she asks him for something. He is unwilling or unable to proactively manage that relationship. Not ideal soul-mate material, but again, that's what you've got. That's what i've got, too, and trust me it makes me want to lash out often. And sometimes i do, too. It is what it is. We have to focus on ourselves. We've been told that self-absorption is a bad trait, but it's the only way to survive a step nightmare with a lazy bastard.

I've had about the same day you have lol. Hugs. We mean well. We have to take care of ourselves. Don't slow down to look at the wreck and for God's sake, don't comment on it!

ETA self-absorption is not the ONLY way. Leaving takes care of the problem. But only you know when you are ready to give up and call it a day. The sunk cost fallacy is hard to get past. 

"less is more" 

I ask "is SD17 Powersulk with us tonight?"

Husband "yes, I pick her up at 6:30, shes with friends"

You "ok. but don't forget I'm waiting for you for supper. What are you thinking we'll have?"

stop there, less is more.

then: I had texted the night before asking about her high school's 40-student art exhibit, and would she be a part of it, as she had been working diligently on a painting and it was to be exhibited "somewhere"...and zero response

ok, you asked. she ignored. not your issue. if you want to go to support the other artists and your friends, go. Have a blast. But don't ask her twice. 

Less is more. 

Less.

Is.

More.

Regardless of the reasons. After the last troubles with PS17, you should not be texting this girl. AT ALL.  Need info on the art exhibit? Call the studio where it's being held. Let your DH handle the dynamics of that visit with his kid; you make your own plans to support the community and other kids. The beer schedule impacts finances, not him scheduling around his kid's social life. THAT is the issue to deal with...the money. And while sarcasm has it's place, it still keeps you engaged in the "SK" issues. 

I'm speaking from experience...I stayed engaged WAY too long and learned my lesson the hard way. My mental health took one hell of a hit. So, if I were in your shoes, DH would get the "we are now short X dollars because you chose to drink at the bar rather than pick up a 6 pack for home." "I am going to attend the high school art department's student exhibit at X Gallery on X date at X time. I might see you there if you go with SD17."  Then you let it go and let HIM deal with his kid.

Hang in there, CLove....it does take a while to completely disengage. Maybe mediatate on some of the comments here on disengaging and do some thinking about how you can do different in the future. Best to you.

Every time she does something like this tell your husband "SD did X. It's Y and I'm not living with her"

Ex: 

"SD didn't text me back. It's rude and I'm not living with her"

"SD forgot to clean up her dishes. It's frustrating and I'm not living with her."

"SD is failing. It's ridiculous and I'm not living with her"

"SD won't get a job. It's lazy and I'm not living with her"

Repeat, repeat, repeat. Completely shut down your relationship with her. No text, nothing beyond a civil hello and goodbye. No favors. Change the subject when he brings her up (unless he's complaining about her then see above... "Right DH. And it's Y and this is another reason why I'm not living with her"). Remind your DH every chance you get that you don't get along. 
 

I let DH know periodically that I will never live with LI again. It leads to arguments. Its damaging to our (mine and LI's) relationship. It is damaging to our (mine and DH's) relationship. I am set in my ways and we have different ideas of "clean". I enjoy a quiet house. I can't abide disrespectful behavior (even normal sassy teenage stuff). Having another adult in the house is uncomfortable. She destroys stuff/"she doesn't have an appreciation for antiques". I don't trust her not to burn the house down while cooking/"I don't like other women in my kitchen".

I also throw in other subtle comments like "Oh she would be bored stiff living in the middle of nowhere (and by that I mean here). She's always lived in the suburbs...." Or "Well at her age you know, friends, boyfriends and her peers (you know the connections she has down there) are the most important things." or "Remember how she hated driving in the snow? Yeah a lot of people don't want to deal with that..." ect ect.

What ever yiu said was wash down with the beers.   If he doesn't gave tge money he should not be drinking.  He has a problem. 
'You should be disengage from SD   She treats you like shi*.   If you want to take the time and go to the art thing. Go.. But don't go to support SD. She doesn't support you, actually doesn't respect you,  

yes, she most likely mentally screw up like BM.  But that doesn't equal lack or respect.