The Im Bored chronicles
This will be short, because Im already tired of thinking about it.
I took Munchkin SD13 to a VERY big Music/Art festival this weekend. She seemed excited to go, its 2 days, and the second day she said no, Ill stay home because the same people (meaning vendors) are going to be there and I am afraid of being BORED.
I thought this would be a good time to spend time together, but I guess shes just wanting to be with her friends.
But what really pushed my buttons was after I adjusted myself to going alone, DH was out fishing, so it was me alone, she then changed her mind.
I politely declined her offer of acompanying me. I just said, "you know, Saturday was a lot of work. I enjoy your company, but it was work for me. I worried if you were hot, tired, thirsty, hungry, when you had sore feet I found a shady place to sit. So, now, on top of that I have to worry about you being BORED?"
I left and had a blast while she sat at home. I know she was upset with me, but DH said it right - perhaps she wont complain next time. Her mother doesnt take her anywhere, and now I know why! I mean, I gave her 30$ to spend on whatever she wanted, I made food, brought her favorite beverages. But it was a lot of work. Of course no thank yous.
Im probably being overly sensitive, but it felt like a daggar to my heart.
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At 13, she is old enough to
At 13, she is old enough to learn how her behavior and attitude impacts how she is viewed in this world. She also needs to understand the clear relationship between her gratitude and the likelihood of people wanting to do things for her in the future.
Now, I can kind of understand a 13 yo wanting to spend time with her peers vs adults.. even maybe if it meant missing some of the festival. I know it kind of hurts to be ditched.. at any age.. but kids will mostly prefer their peers when they start getting to be her age.
However, I don't think there is any harm in giving her a bit of feedback.
"Munchkin, I hope you understand that my taking you to the festival was a lot of work and money that was spent on you that I didn't have to. I enjoyed spending time with you, but you need to learn that when people go out of their way to do nice things for you.. your appreciation should be more evident. A "thank you, I had a great time" goes a long way towards getting future opportunities and invitations. People don't tend to do things when they all they get are complaints and no thanks for their efforts. I know you didn't mean to act ungrateful, but complaining about being bored and not thanking me feel like my time and effort were kind of wasted. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy spending time with you.. but I would appreciate if you could express that same sentiment if you want to continue to go to these kinds of events with me.
Thank you
I just gave her that explanation, and left gave her a hug. So she was good with it.
I just think shes not mature enough yet to appreciate things like music festivals, or art shows. None of it sank in, and she is actually a really good artist, and plays violin. Now I know. Maybe it will sink in that time together is to be valued. Ill be there, but until then she gets to stay home. Or dad can take her, and Ill do my thing. I am involved in a LOT of activities locally. You cannot elevate a pig beyond its pigness, it will always want to wallow in its pig sty. It will always be a pig no matter how you dress it up.
I'm so proud of you, Clove!!!
I'm so proud of you, Clove!!!!!!
You may have just taught Munchkin an important lesson about manners and gratitude. Also, you showed her that your kindness comes with rules. Well done!
I hope
It sinks in. She has done this many times before, and I dont really say anything. Each time I tell myself "this will be the last time I do anything with her!"
And then I feel bad and break down.
Not this time though.
More often than not DH and I
More often than not DH and I leave SD13 at home because we want to go do stuff and we get peppered with "Are we done yet" "Where else do we have to go!" and it truly gets tiring.
I can understand where you are coming from, but I can understand where she was coming from that two days might have been less entertaining the second day around.
Either way I think you handled it well and glad you got to go the second day and have a good time.
Are we done yet?
Yes, many events previously, she is all about "when are we done?"
"im bored,, just to let you know"
"When am I going to get to BUY something"
I gave her 30$ for the weekend...so I wouldnt have to hear that.
She has to understand as a coming adult
That once you make a choice you live by your choice. SD choose to stay home. And not go with you. Nothing you could of do. Maybe next time she will think differently
Yes indeed
13 is PLENTY old enough.
And there was SO MUCH entertainment! Open studios with artful furniture, glass art, paintings, as well as jugglers, four stages with music, a TON.
So I have to just back off a lot more. I keep saying this is the last time Im taking her anywhere. Shes very sweet and we have fun hanging out, but she just is a lump on the log, at events.
So. No more events.
The issue I had wasnt changing her mind is was the direct and open verbal rejection of spending time with someone, devalued compared with "buying stuf".
She's 13...teenage years are
She's 13...teenage years are just starting. I say this with all love in my heart but....teenagers are a--holes! Straight up. I know they're growing and hormone-ing and shizz but DANG!! For the life of me I do NOT understand why all this growing requires their heads to spin around and green spew eject from every pore of their body. But it does.
Hang tight, this gets worse I'm afraid. Don't take it personal, they ALL do this. But don't tolerate it either. Good for you for making her be held accoutable for her words. She needs to learn how to treat people and a lot of humility and respect.
During the next 6 years or so...alcohol is your best friend.