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Haters gonna hatehatehate. Somewhat OT.

CLove's picture

All over social media and on almost every street corner festooned with flowers - there are random proclimations of "love".

This isnt a rant or a problem - this post o mine - merely an interesting occurence with SD Munchkin 12.

So, Munchkin came in the house last night after school with DH, and she didnt say hello, or anything. Just sat in the rocking chair on her phone or tablet drawing. I knew something was wrong, but thought maybe shes just tired. I left her alone, to decompress from the day.

A few hours later, she was hovering around while I prepped dinner, and I asked how her day went. "oh good, sort of.." leading me to ask about the "sort of" part of her day.

We have had many long talks before, and this time she launched into the saga of her "hating tribe". They call her idiot, they tell her to shut the eff up, tell lies about her, try to inluence others against her.

I told her "I know how you feel because people you know have done that to me! It really sucks and I am sorry you have to deal with it"

She has seen and heard her sister yelling at me, calling me names, her mother texting me horrible things, falsley accusing me of things many times, talk trash about me...So she knows I KNOW.

I just told her that she needs to go through it, and not punch anyone, even though she really wants to. I told her "you know how I got through all that stuff? I just went on to marry my love, and be happy, get a great job and be happy, make more money and be happy, while they are not happy. Just be your best you, and you are awesome. Its not YOUR fault that your light shines so bright they dont know how to deal with it."

She liked that and told me that I am awesome too.

Then we discussed how I knew that something had happened, but had thought it was me, or something I did, but was really puzzled. She said that she would have told me...I said carefully "well when youve been upset with me in the past, you didnt talk to me to work it out, and you broke my trust when you did that" - referencing the times that she would be upset with me, tell her mom or sister and then there would be huge anti-CLove backlash... and lies, and abuse allegations.

I just said very simply that we need to build the trust up, that if we get upset with one another we need to talk it out and hopefully work it out. Then I joked how she needs to get upset with me so we can build the trust by talking about it. haha. She laughed, but the sadness lurked in the background. So, we had dinner and movie night. And this morning I just reminded her that she is awesome. It was an odd thing, and its really not my forte to give advice to pre-teens about how to deal with bullies, in fact itmakes me super uncomfortable. You see, my youngest brother was severely bullied, and at the tender age of 14 killed himself, and wrote in his goodbye note that it was because he felt like such a loser, and the bullying really made him totally depressed

So, I suppose that Im just really afraid for Munchkin. I dont want her to go through what my brother went through. She and I have had our challenges, but I really do love her a ton, and she said that she thinks of me like "a second mom."

I just hope that I did the right thing...

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CLove's picture

I posted before completing - if you read the rest - youll see why I was nervous...

CLove's picture

Thank you. After his death, I went to high schools and talked about it and bullying was my theme, after suicide prevention, of course. It was very hard. Kids got really upset.

I hate bullies, and I rarely hate anyone. (even Toxic Feral Eldest!)

thinkthrice's picture

about your brother.   More children should have the "i dont care what the bullies think or say or do" attitude.

I was also severely bullied throughout my school career...always moving to new schools, being the smallest kid in class...having a last name that didn't end with a vowel AND belonging to a cult.  Of course I always had a "I'll show THEM!" attitude that I kept to myself.   Made them think their bullying had an effect on me.

CLove's picture

Toxic Feral Eldest bullied Munchkin when I first met them. Made her a slave, and told her she was ugly and stupid. I put a stop to that, of course, and got it thrown in my face a few times. I was reminded of that by my FAcebook memories - in 2015 was our first valentines together and because TFE decided to argue with me, and dad defended me, she sais she might was well run away and live on the streets. So, our wonderful Valentines trip was hijacked, because then I said "lets bring her with us if you are so worried".