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Getting things OUT

CLove's picture

So Ive been on this here Blog Steptalk Site for over 6 years!!!

Ive gotten a lot out of my system...things are a lot more peaceful. SD24 Feral Forger is forging her own life no dramz there. Toxic  Troll has been minding her own, and only 7 more payments. SD PowerSulk has been kind and nice and we stay out of each others way.

now Im more interested in getting things out of my house, specifically SD24 Feral Forgers stuff. When I took over the room that she had been living in, I bagged donations, I bagged trash, and I binned her stuff like clothes and trophies from softball, journals etc.

Im wanting to send it to her.

Am I wrong? Should I just keep things peaceful by keeping the stuff? Its not that much - like maybe 2-3 plastic bins. But Im running out of space. I already started a first round of closet cleanse.

Any thoughts?


Mominit's picture

Thanksgiving is a perfect time to have everybody go through all of the stuff that is being stored at your house and take what they want with them with the understanding that anything left behind will be donated to people who need it (before Christmas). Nothing gets left behind.
It has the added benefit of keeping everybody in a fairly civil mood if they still want to come for Christmas and get Christmas presents!

CLove's picture

In a whole different universe, just not this one.

Feral Forger SD24 and I are completely "no contact", and the last time I was mentioned it was "when I see YOU dad I will say hello, but I will disregard clove"...

So Thanksgiving gathering with her is currently off the table.

ICanMakeIt's picture

Is driven home by DH send them with her. Be done. Who cares what she thinks. She doesn't care what you think. Added benefit PS sees what she she can expect of her things before she is gone permanently.

JRI's picture

Yes, send it home with PS.  I wouldn't trash someone's trophies but you need space.  Send it home with PS.

MissK03's picture

Your DH can contact his daughter for her belongings. You seem to like to find ways to reinsert yourself when things are OK. 

I am also team send them with SD next time she is over.. If it really is only two totes of stuff. I would have DH let FF know when he decides to send things back with SD. 

CLove's picture

Well, at this moment in time, I feel like I seem to want a more organized cleaner household. And a part of my thoughts are that if anything happened to husband, its one less thing I have to deal with.

Im not wanting to involve powersulk at this time. This is Feral Forgers chit, Im thinking a quiet convo with husband is in order. Let him make his wishes known.

MissK03's picture

It's just like SDPS and the ukulele. You find something random and fixate on them. FF has two totes of stuff.. not a big deal. Send them with SD. 

Not trying to be rude but this is way overthinking for two totes. DH can reach out to her and then they go with SD. Not that serious.

CLove's picture

I dont have time to fixate on this chit. Got bigger things to worry about like what am I going to wear to a art and iwne fest today.

Sadielady's picture

With respect, I don't thinknitufair for anyone to accuse you of trying to reinsert yourself. I understand what you saying. You dinywant her things underfoot. Sounds to be like your trying to reinforce your disengement vs reinserting yourself. If the SK doesn't have a relationship with you, she doesn't get to store her stuff in your home. I agree that you should sendnit home with PS.

MissK03's picture

But you are... by blogging about FF things being at your house. The girl hasn't been at your house in years.. you've been mourning the loss of SDPS now all of a sudden FF things are triggering you. 

I get not wanting them there. I hate everyday living with SS20 but you tend (read your blogs) of constantly finding something to trigger yourself. In this case... 2 totes of FF things. 

Like most of us said... send them with SDPS. Not you specifically but your husband. 

Cover1W's picture

What are the things?  Last year I started just getting rid of OSDs things that were boxed up. DH ignored them. I donated things that she obviously could not wear any longer, or were brand new (she didn't even open many things DH got her for gifts, just like YSD does now). The important things now all are in one box DH can deal with when the time is right.

Eff no do not bring it to her. If your DH doesn't care, she doesn't ask for it, why bother?

CLove's picture

Ive forgotten. Ill just do that. No need to stir pots, not when its calm.

caninelover's picture

Not worth the fight.  Ignore it and shove it into a deep dark place in your home.  I have 2 bins of Bratty McBratFace carp stuffed somewhere in DH' home office.  Don't care, not worth any fight to remove it.  My guess is it will be here until DH dies and then I will stick a shipping label on it and send to Bratty's last known address.

Leave it alone, cLove.  You have bigger fish to fry, make sure PS CPS moves out soon.  Keep your eye on that ball.


CLove's picture

As much as she upsets me and her treatment of me has been horrible, I dont want to upset the apple carts when things are calm.

ESMOD's picture

I vote for sending it with PS,, you said it is only a few small bins/storage containers.. let her take it home to FF with her.. the message..  "oh we were doing some cleaning and found some things we thought she might want to have".  she doesn't come over.. so why would anyone assume you would store things important to her.

CLove's picture

Since Ps told husband that FF is always at tt apartment. Ill see how things go with ps.

ndc's picture

Ask H to deal with it. If he does not, put the bins in an area of the house that is "his," like his closet if he has his own, or the area where he keeps his tools or hangs out with his buddy. Do you have attic space or a California basement? If H doesn't deal with it, put the junk there without a worry of what may happen to it.  If she hasn't wanted it in all these years, how important can it be?

Rumplestiltskin's picture

You are def under no obligation to store that stuff. 

CLove's picture

I hang on to everything.

Its trophies...personal journals...Im thinking Ill just send them along to Toxic Troll, and then they can ALL hate me.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

My own mother got rid of my stuff that i didn't take with me when i finally had a stable home around age 24. I wish she would have warned me first, though. There were some things i would have liked to have had, though if i hadn't touched them in 6 years i probably didn't need them!

CLove's picture

So, normally that would be ok with me to talk it out with either feral forger or husband, but she is so high conflict and hates me so there is really not a good solution other than husband takes this one on.

ESMOD's picture

I guess I have to ask the question this way too.. because the fact that you are asking makes me think that you are aware that it's maybe not just about boxes and space.

Is this a matter of home logistics.. where you simply do not have room to store anyone's extra things?

or is it wrapped up in your need to somehow show that you have excised her from the home and making a point that her ever returning is a non-starter? 

In the end.. it's your home.. and your husband's.. you have the right to make a decision on what you will and won't store for people that don't live in your home.

If this stuff is simply in the way,  I would ask PS if she will see her sister soon because you came across some things you thought she might want. would she mind giving them to her? if FF doesn't want them.. they can just toss them.  

If the stuff isn't really in the way.. I would put them in a corner.. and just ignore them.

CLove's picture

After thinking about this topic - some general background (for newbies) Feral Forger and myself are no contact, and husband has a strained relationship. He wants to keep the peace as do I. Its been a point of contention that her father 'chose clove over his own child'. My parents, they have always sent us on our way, take all your stuff we are happy to have photos however. There are no leavings at their 4 bed/2 ba home. In fact the time that I needed to escape from abusive ex, they gave me a year and then gave ultimatum "you get a month or it goes"...

So, my reasons/goals:

1. Cleansing and clearing and organizing. Im not a housekeeping type. But once I get going, I can be mercenary. Our house is old, we have been there a while and we really do not have extra space. Her stuff is in my room, and my room is a big mess so I do need the space, there is no attic or basement. The garage is husbands room, and no space there either. Im thinking Ill store it in PowerSulks closet, as she has less than a year at our place (Im fairly certain she will stay full time in Beach Town)

2. If I search my feelings, yes, it is a message - "you should have been nicer, eff you, we are rid of your takey bakeys".

3. I dont really want to involve Power Sulk as a go-between. She and her sister are in a fight right now, I def dont want to involve Toxic Troll.

Oh Margie's picture


After everything you have been through, this is actually pretty easy. Tell your husband that the next time he drives PS home that you will be sending the bins along with her. About 5 minutes before they go, quietly load them into the back seat (not the trunk where they could be overlooked) and give one last reminder as they walk out the door.


Do NOT "see how things go with ps"; she has nothing to do with this. Do not send  FF a message through ps, that will get you nothing but trouble. For one thing, it really isn't ps's job.  I guarantee the next time ps has a list of the "abuse" she's endured, she's going to be harping on you airing your grievances with FF to her and involving her in family fights etc etc etc. Why even give her the chance?


Doing anything "so they can ALL hate you" is literally begging to be part of the drama again. 


Deep down,  do you actually WANT to be in the middle of drama and fighting? Because I agree with the poster above who said that you seem to reinsert yourself as soon as things get too peaceful.


I truly don't mean to be insulting, I am just wondering if this is something you have addressed in counselling?  It can be very common for a people-pleasing type of person to only feel comfortable in chaos, when they feel they are being treated unfairly enough that everyone around them will  see  what they go through at the hands of others. 


I used to have a tendency towards this myself. I could tell myself I was a good person if I was martyring myself for others or being emotionally abused.


Otherwise, just mention it once to your husband, NOT ps, load the bins yourself if there really are only two of them, and never discuss it with anyone else. And enjoy your increased storage space!

CLove's picture

It might add some clarity.

Ive decided its better to keep things on the downlow for now and not involve powersulk in anything involving her sister. I also wont send anything along with husband for now.

Ill just quietly take inventory, see what it really is, do a complete reorg, and quietly ask husband what he thinks is best, let him get er done, how he wants to.

While I do agree that its my house too and I have full authority to decide what I want to store in my house, the house is equally his to decide that also. Even though its been 6 YEARS.

Oh Margie's picture

Good, just do whatever brings you the most peace of mind. If you end up holding onto the bins then I agree with other posters that you should try to put them somewhere where you don;'t have to look at them! 

Harry's picture

Corner of the basement.  Doesn't bother me that it's there.  Don't really go into the basement..  unfortunately some of the stuff got destroyed when a pipe was leaking.   Renovations of the kitchen. Bathroom. Adding a bathroom.    But it's there. I think. Really don't know but it must be there.  

CLove's picture

I wish we had a basement!

ndc's picture

The stuff is in your room? Oh, no no no. I'd move it to the garage.  Tell H he can toss it or take it to FF, but it is NOT staying in your room. 

CLove's picture

In our 3 bedroom home with SD Powersulk taking up 1, the master, then mine. With my  plants and fish tank, purses, boots, jewelry and crafts...

Her bins are in my closet, so theres not much space for my stuff in there. Hence my quandry.

My friend, an ardent BM, thinks Im being disrespectful, but shes never been a SM. 

Sadielady's picture

You're not being disrespectful. Shortly after my SD32 decided that she could no longer have a relationship with me, I noticed that she and her abusive H were still using one of my streaming accounts. I forced their device off, mid-show, and changed the password. Was it petty? Yup. Did it feel good? Sooo f'in good. If we don't have a relationship, stop using my shit.

JRI's picture


     Load it In the car next time DH takes PS home or

     Store it in DH's or PS's space

You're doing  a kindnesss not to just trash it.