Baby steps update
Baby steps. Cant think of a better way to describe it. My mother hates that description. So I try not to use it...
Last night, as we were re-watching Game of Thrones to fill in between the Sundays of House of Dragons, SD16 PMP came by to gather somethings on the way to Toxic Trolls new digs. Its supposed to be Husbands week, but they are still doing some moving activities, and she just stays in her room anyways. So, being flexible is good. She came in, hugged her dad and then came over and hugged me smiling. Thats just how it goes.
I asked Husband "so, I asked all these questions about whats going on, but really all I want to know is that shes not staying away because of something I did or said..." He said no not at all. So, things are good there.
He then brought up something we have had arguments about, that Ive posted about and been p!ssed about in the past. He said Toxic Troll (who has BMW) asked him (BMW technician) to do an oil change. He just told her "I dont do side work anymore (not true he does) and that she can just buy the supplies herself and take it anywhere..."
He was actually relieved that he had a solution without direct confrontation. He doesnt feel like he can say "eff off biotch" yet, because still 1 year and 7 months to go, and well anything can happen to upset the balance and bring chaos.
Baby steps...
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Sounds good
I'm like your DH, not confrontional at all, and I always feel better when I come up with a "soft no" like he did. I've tried to be more assertive, still working on it.....
soft no
I like that!
Yes, he made some comments like "Ill be so happy when I dont have to deal with this anymore". I forget that he is the one who has to deal directly, not me.
That is good!
Also off topic is House of Dragons any good? We haven't started it because we are waiting until all the episodes of the first season come out and then we can binge it instead of waiting LOL
YES!
But I do have to add a caverat: you know how GRRM gets you to care about characters and then takes them away? Yep.
Thats a good idea, to wait, in theory.
Haha of course they would do that!
Well that is good to know. I am anxious to watch it
Things are moving in the
Things are moving in the right direction. That woman has some nerve to even ask! Good for DH. *applause*
Right? Don't these women have any shame?
Guess not. I would never in a million years ask my ex to fix my car ... or anything else.
I too hate confrontation. Though I will not shy away from it if
if necessary.
What I landed on is ... .No. No is not confrontational. It is a complete sentence. And it is a perfect end to any discussion. Particularly the discussions that one wants to keep short.
Just... No.
Excecpt with the SpermClan. I will peal them back, bare their asses, and air their crap far and wide. They are that detestable and my revulsion for them is that strong.
Fortunately, it has been a decade+ since SS launched and aged out from under the CO. So, I have detox'd from the constant go to battle with them default. It took a while. I was so amped and ready to go to war with them for so long (16yrs) that when I woke up the day after we got SS back from his final SpermLand visitation just after his 18th B'day I had major adjustments to work through not having the regular adrenaline rush of confronting the SpermClan.
The past 12 years has been a progressive wu-sa moment for me. I have to say, at this point, I do not miss the 16 years of near constant battles over their toxic crap one bit.
The true win is that my kid (SS-30) is an amazing man. His mom and I are very proud of him.
19mos. CLove. You can do anything for 19mos.
Take care of you.
As for TT. If she can "afford" a BMW, she can afford to have the maintenance done.Though I get the cost implications. We had a German car phase as well and the magic number is $2K. Anything costs $2K. Brake job. $2K for the front. $2K for the back., etc... Then there is the transmission rebuilds. $7K for a rebuild with no warranty. $9K for rebuild with a warranty. From non certified shops. 9K for a base rebuild from the dealership, no warranty. $11K for a replacement with a 1yr warranty.
So, we rebuilt the transmission at a transmission specialist shop then drove it from the shop to the dealership we sold it to. It was not right but we had the rebuild paperwork and the dealership that bought it did not test drive it. They called a few days later livid. We had moved overseas. We sold it basically on our way to the airport. I called them back and told them that I had handed them the maintenance records and they had put the records in the glove box and to engage the repair shop on the issue. Nope, they had detailed it and sold it. They of course threw away all of the maintenance records I gave them.
That DH is minimizing the shit he takes from the Troll is great progress. She has taken advantage of his profession for far too long. TT and the SKids who drink her toxic Kool-Aid need to learn to Uber. He pays CS. He needs to force TT and BSM to live within the means that you and DH provide. Beyond that... NO... applies.
IMHO of course.
This makes me happy to think
This makes me happy to think of evil BM forking over $2000 every time her car needs work. She is so pretentious & snotty. Will be amusing to see where things go for her once she blows through all her money. She does not make anywhere near enouch money to sustain the lifestyle she feels entitled to live.
20 years
Toxic Troll knows the numbers, having been around Husband and his sidework routine. Shes been around long enough yet still thinks they are "friends" and she can ask for favors...
But hes getting stronger in his opposition.
I do get that he probably is
I do get that he probably is able to link her having a functioning car to benefitting his child(ren). And his EX has expected he do these things in the past.. so he set a precedent. Saying he doesn't do this.. has no time to do these things now.. if she accepts that.. great.
SHe HAS to accept him saying
SHe HAS to accept him saying no, imho. It's his EX and that is that. A functioning car is her problem to resolve. It would never cross my mind to ask my Ex to do things for me even if it was under the guise of beneftting our daughter. I would figure it out myself.
When I was dating my fiance, his EX called him wanting him to save the day by putting up an articificial Christmas tree that she was struggling with. C'mon. He did it and told me it was benefitting his kids. The way I saw it was that she could have asked almost anyone else to help.
a few years ago...
Although it seems like a month ago. This one time - Toxic Troll ran out of gas, taking Sd 16 PMP to school from her apartment. Called Husband asking him to TURN around, so he could help her. He picked up kiddo, and then she waited all day in her apartment, nearby where the car was parked, until he was done with work and had him pick up a gas can and get gas for her and then meet at her car whereby she could pick it up. 3 blocks from apartment.
Then there was the time that she needed him to check her oil. He suggested she record him so she could do it herself, and she sent the recording to her online friend as an example of what a mean jerk he is...
Toxic Troll = learned helplessness
Omg, I don't whether to laugh or become enraged for you. WTH? I know it is in the past, but seriously, she couldn't solve the gas riddle herself? Worse case for her: call a damn Uber and get a lift to a gas station, fill up a can which they sell there, and jump back in the Uber and head to the car. SMH. Also.....she doesn't know how to check oil?!
YEP. Learned helplessness
She needs to sweeten up the "honey pot" so some other dumba$$ can do for her.
But it was for the chiiiiiiiiiiiild.
I still cannot laugh about that. But anytime the words car and toxic troll come up I mention the video he made in all innocence, that she used against him. To make him look bad.
That's kind a sweet that PMP
That's kind a sweet that PMP gave you a hug isn't it?
The BMW reminds me of the annoying old days when Sdiablas were teens. Every time something broke at BM's house or on her car (also a BMW that she can't afford) she was asking DH to fix it. And things at BM's break a lot because she has no finesse, jams and slams until she has no nice things left. She even tried to get us to keep the dog that she got YSD after she and DH were divorced. Got tired of taking care of it I guess?
When DH ignored her then she recruited the Sdiablas to "ask Dad" to fix such and such. The manipulation worked. DH couldn't let the precious princess Sdiablas go without while at BM's house. He wouldn't want them to think poorly of him. <barf> He did say a hard NO to the dog. Thank-god, I can't stand that dog. BM gave it serious anxiety issues and the dog is annoying AF.
I had several conversations with DH about boundaries and I let him know how weird it is to be fixing stuff in your ex wife's house when she has done everything in her power to use the children and turn anyone else dumb enough to listen against us.
We have enough of our own sh*t to do around here without piling BM's sh*t on. She can hire someone or ask a friend or whatever ... not our problem. It took DH a few years to realize no good deed goes unpunished. Thank-God that nonsense finally stopped and SDiablas don't live with BM anymore, at least not at the moment.
Recruits!
Yes, the DNA Recruit. "but its for the chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild".
Is changing the oil in a BMW
Is changing the oil in a BMW any different from changing it in another car? I learned how to change the oil a long time ago. I can also replace the battery. I don't, but I can. I have my husband do it, I just like knowing that I can if he's at work or otherwise unavailable and it can't wait until he's available. If I can do it anybody can. Seems to me that Toxic Troll should learn to do some things herself or cough up the money to hire someone instead of expecting her EX to do things for her.
Not significantly different.
Though it is not as simple on many German makes as it is for a US or Asian manufactured vehicle.
In our case, there was a soft metal compression seal that had to be installed with the filter. Which was a PITA. Though that was a VW Toureg and not a BMW.
Thats why he suggested
she just buy the materials and for 40 bucks she can have them do it for her.
Over and done.