Am I alone is there hope in this?
Second marriage. Two 18 year old girl and boy step children. Married three years. In the beginning I tried to be the blended family thing. I have an 18 year old in college who lives with his mom. He is a great kid and doesn't like interacting with them. The kids are irresponsible and disrespectful. In the morning I am use to my household everyone saying good morning. In this household, I moved into her house, no one says good morning. The kids do not pick up after themselves. Dishes left on the table, fast food bags on the table, socks and shoes on the floor and they do not do any chores. After two years I finally decided that I was only going to pay rent equivalent to a one bedroom apartment. I stay in the bedroom whenever the kids are at home. I no longer was going to pay any money toward their food, cable tv etc. They ignore me and only speak to me when I say hello and then it is a fake smirk. Their mother has tried to intervene but says I should reach out more. Actually, I am tired and contemplating moving to a separate place and just visit and have her visit me. Believe me it is not the Brady Bunch.
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How is you reaching out more
How is you reaching out more going to teach her kids manners and consideration? How is it going to teach them to pick up after themselves or contribute to keeping up the household? She should have taught them those things years ago.
I don't blame you for wanting to move out, I wouldn't have moved in.
Dup
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Is there any possibility that
Is there any possibility that these "adult" kids will launch anytime soon? If so, then there's hope. If not, and they'll be living with mom for awhile, then moving to your own place until they move out on their own will probably make you happier. Do you think your marriage would survive you moving out until the kids launch? Would your own child spend more time with you if you lived separately from these skids that he doesn't like?
Actually, I am tired and
Actually, I am tired and contemplating moving to a separate place and just visit and have her visit me.
^^^^^^^^You should really consider this option for your own peace & sanity. You "reaching out" more to them is not going to change their behavior. If she's not actively modeling this respectful behavior her children will not follow. Once you move out, I'm sure your wife will sing a different tune.
IMHO singing a different tune
IMHO singing a different tune only after it gets so bad someone leaves is too late.
Not Alone
I am in a similar situation. I MOVED IN, thinking it would get better. My fiance's home is always dirty with kids crap. They are always interupting us during a conversation and have zero social skills. I have only been there a few months and I am second guessing what I have just done. We did a huge remodel and now I am regretting it, Big Time. I figured with a 17 and 18 year old, they would be out soon, but it's killing me inside to watch and listen to disrespectful kid. The daughter is co-dependent on the mom and she is a YES MOM. I feel stuck.