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Teachers nice way of saying your kid sucks

Chmmy's picture

I was a teacher & someone on this forum had asked me a while back what kind of phrases teachers use to say negative things with a positive spin. I gave some examples that I had used but I taught preK up to 1st grade. It's different than 10 year olds.

Last year SS10 was in 4th grade. I went to conferences and his teacher talked about how great it is that he participates in class but he needs to learn to raise his hand, not shout out during class, not talk so much during class and try not to be so funny/class clown/center of attention. Yep this is SS10...hes so funny and cute. Let's encourage him to be an obnoxious asshole.

This year Im disengaged so I didnt go to conferences since DH walks out of the school beaming with pride over the one positive to every 5 negative things said about his kids. He doesnt hear the "your kid being absent makes my day better" tone the teacher had. More like did you hear how funny he thinks SS10 is? Ya he's a real treat.

He came home from conferences this year for SS12, 6th grade (with a 504 plan) and SS10, 5th grade (with an IEP), beaming with pride again. I just ran into some paperwork for SS10 that has check marks for

✔ concerned about classroom behavior

✔ needs to improve listening skills

And a note at the bottom stating "Good sense of humor but needs to know appropriate times to exhibit it. Impulsively talks out". He also is at the 35th-43rd% in standardized testing. Why does DH keep saying how great they are doing? And this is the kid who doesnt have ADHD(and ASD & SPD undiagnosed)

I guess its our fault as teachers for softening the blow. It's hard to say YOUR KID SUCKS to a parent. Parents are very defensive. DH is very defensive. He would not allow SS12 to be diagnosed with anything beyond ADHD which means he didnt get the treatments, therapies or services he needed and deserved for sensory issues and he's on the low end of the spectum(my opinion as a teacher).

Part of me wants to not disengage to help these kids but naaahh. They have improved since I instated rules about less screen time and more time for books and brain games but since Ive disengaged a lot of that has been lost.

Oh well Ill be divorced before they're adults anyways.



thinkthrice's picture

You cannot care more than the bioparents also applies to schoolteachers as well.  MY DIL is a 2nd grade schoolteacher in a private school--class size between 5-12 and is very caring.  (not that I think class size is as relevant as child's proper behaviour via good parenting)

My DS is also a high school math teacher and very caring as well.  I can see how it would be easy to get burned out with all  the piss-poor parenting nowadays and bioparents excusing their total abdication of teaching their children life skills as "learning disabilities"  or "syndromes/disorders."

I don't know how teachers do it these days.  I'm from the "Good Bye Mr. Chips" days.  Uniforms, non-coed schools, strict discipline.  Kids actually LEARNED back then because their behaviour was in check by the time they entered school.

Chmmy's picture

I agree. I quit teaching preschool due to the parents. The parents in the community quickly found out about the before and after care provided and it was no longer a preschool but a daycare. Daycare kids have a lot of the same characteristics as CODs due to guilty parents. It was awful so I left very sad from a job I used to love. I didnt get another job so that I could help with the skids for a few years. BIG MISTAKE but I can start looking for next year soon as I no longer want to be SAHstepM

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I’m the opposite: I focus on the negatives in school conferences. I’m not sure it’s a good thing, hah. :/

My kids’ teachers seem to like them a lot though. 

Chmmy's picture

Ya most divorced parents or. Lots of working parents focus on how special their baby is.

There are so many awesome parents out there though who work, get divorced amd raise decemt humans so a big shout out to all of you!

Disneyfan's picture

Im sitting in my classroom right now trying to figure out to word the PLOP for an IEP "just right".

So far fir social development I have "X stuggles wil building relationships with peers."  What I want to say is "The students refuse to engage with X because they are sick and tired of being addressed as Bs!!!"

If I have a great relationship with the family, they get the TRUTH straight no chaser.  Others will get a softer version of the truth.

I never want to see schools go back to the form of discipline that many of our parents were subjected to.  Child abuse should never be an acceptable form of discipline. 

There are many teachers who are not able to leave the biases at the door. I would not trust those teachers to discipline students in an fair manner.

Chmmy's picture

I have a lot of patience & a soft spot for special needs kids in my classroom but not my home. I just watch DH do everything wrong and I have no control. Ive helped soany lids over the years and cant help my skids.

Funny though kids who are entitled have a lot of the same behaviors of those with actual special needs. I feel like its becomong more difficult to diagnose who has a disorder and who is just an over screen timed spoiled brat

Jcksjj's picture

Interesting observation - my spoiled SD and special needs bio son actually do have some of the same behaviors, the main difference I can see is that SD is perfectly capable of doing things when it suits her but she only cares to when she is getting a big enough immediate reward for it. BS will try either way but the level of capability isn't there sometimes even if he really wants to. Usually he will make an attempt but the execution of whatever task isn't done very well. Also I can see it in SDs general attitude the i dont have to because I dont want to thoughts.

AlmostGone83's picture

I used to be a HS science teacher (worst job ever). Our principal insisted that we gave three comments on report cards, but at least one had to be positive. 

Chmmy's picture

Thank you for your service. It is a tough job and I can imagine it is difficult to say something nice about each hs child. I have one skid in HS and the nicest thing I can say about her is she thinks she's pretty


Jcksjj's picture

Observation one I've noticed with teachers is that some of them seem to be almost afraid of the parents. Which I'm not sure I blame them, I would never do daycare or anything because I dont want to deal with parents. Everything seems to have a positive spin and punishment seems to be too light in alot of cases.

Two is that SD gets passed as being proficient alot in subjects that she definitely is not. In kindergarten it was obvious she was struggling with math and her teacher put her down as being proficient. I did math homework with both her and my son at the same time and when I looked at the list of standards I knew without a doubt she did not know alot of it. So why say she can? Do teachers get have a standard they need to meet for how many are passing? She just ended up being way behind for 1st grade and needed extra help to catch up. Her teacher this year marked her as doing excellent in math for getting 8 out of 49 questions wrong on a review test to see where they were at at the beginning of the year. But my son took the same test and got marked as being proficient with 3 wrong out of 49. She did say under behavior that she almost never follows instructions though.

Chmmy's picture

Does she have an iep where the standards might be lower?

I have standards I have to follow and if the child did not meet that standard, I usually state an instance where we worked toward that goal. Being positive with out lying that they did something they cant do. We didn't have report cards, we had portfolios showing progress of each stndard

Jcksjj's picture

Nope, my son actually has an iep and I feel like I actually get more honesty about where he's at because of it. He doesnt have any lower standards though, i didnt know that was a thing. He just has social skills and OT added to his schedule. They have a grade for each category overall and then a list of things required for them to proficient in that category. Her teacher kindergarten teacher definitely felt sorry for her because she got all awww about her having an every other week schedule like she did growing up. 

Chmmy's picture

I mean they make accommodation to help them meet the standards. Sometimes an iep kid will get more time or have to do less work, like less math problems if they are overwhelmed. Depends on the delay or disability what the accomodations are.

thinkthrice's picture

often wants teachers to "go easy" on parents particularly if it's a private school and the particular parents have big bucks according to my DIL so admin doesn't always have their back.

elkclan's picture

Ha ha my ex and I once shocked a teacher by saying "Well, our son may be very creative and have a big vocab but it's no good if he can't spell the words or if no one can read his writing." We actually got into an argument with her about it. We're like yeah, yeah - we know he's good at math, but what are we going to do about his shocking language skills.