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One song can change your mood :(

Chmmy's picture

My youngest son played this song for me in the car when he was a young teen almost 10 yrs ago. It's about a sucky dad who died and how the death hurt him as he hurt him in life. My son cried and held my hand. There is a line about leaving the kids with a poor single mother and being a donor of seeds. I guess thats how my son felt about his dad. (Little did he know his father would hang himself when my youngest was 18 and in college and the song literally came true!) As a teen he had no displaced anger toward me that his father was more interested in his girlfriend and his band than raising children. He never used it as an excuse to be  unsuccessful in life. If anything maybe it pushed him to do better. Both of my kids are successful. Their dad started banging his singer when the kids were maybe 6&4 and hung himself when they were 20&18. Not a great fsmily life.

DH started whining about how he gives the kids everything and allows bad behavior because of "everything they have been through"boo hoo. I told him when their mother hangs herself we can talk about what they have been through. They are such spoiled entitled brats because their parents got a divorce.  The displaced anger they place on my DH and me because their mom sucks is ridiculous. They treat BM like she is golden and walk all over  DH. I know it's common but my babies didnt do that. It was us against the world. We struggled at times, who doesn't?  I have the song and the lyrics posted. The skids have been through nothing when I think about it. Their parents live separately and both have new spouses. Yes it sucks but the little shits will milk it for all they can. 

Im so proud of my bios for overcoming what they have

Styrofoam Plates by Deathcab for Cutie

There's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes:
I threw them to sea but a
Gust blew them backwards and the sting in my eyes
That you then inflicted was par for the course just as when you were living.

It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father but a donor of seeds to a
Poor single mother that would raise us alone,
We'd never see the money that
Went down your throat
Through the hole in your belly.

Thirteen years old in the suburbs of Denver
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner at the catholic church. the servers
Wore crosses
To shield from the sufferance plauging the others.
Styrofoam plates, cafeteria
Tables charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
And I'm thinking of you. I do every year
When we count all our blessings
And wonder what we're doing here.

You're a disgrace to the concept of family
The priest won't divulge that fact in his homily and I'll stand up and scream
If the mourning remain quiet,
You can deck out a lie in a suit but I won't buy it.

I won't join in the procession that's speaking their peace.
Using five dollar words while praising his integrity.
And just cause he's gone it doesn't change the fact:
He was a bastard in life thus a bastard in death


SeeYouNever's picture

What a sad song.

Lately is has become popular to say "this isn't the pain Olympics" when people start to talk about the degree of their issues vs others. But I think it is totally appropriate to put people in their place with regard to this. A stubbed toe is not the same as an amputated foot. The people who suffer the most as often the least vocal about it and the whiners will tell you about every real or imagined slight. 

Some people thrive on pity, be proud you and your kids are stronger than that. 

Chmmy's picture

You're right. I shouldn't say my kids pain was worse but how they handled it was dignified. 

The skids are manipulative. I see the smirks on their faces. Trying to hide a smile.  I told dh he oughta slap the smirk of their face. My dad used to say  that to me.  I wiped the smirk off and straightened up real quick

thinkthrice's picture

My son's dad passed away from alcoholism when Awesomeson was 16 yrs old.   We were divorced due to his alcoholism and abuse but I never said anything bad about his dad to Awesomeson.   I too was a completely single mom with no CS coming in.  My daughter had a rough time of it as well as I was divorced from my husband shortly after she was born with very few job skills (HS diploma).   Her father just didn't want to have the responsibilities of marriage and children.  They never bonded although they have the same sense of humour and wit.  Being young (just turned 21 yrs old, divorced and a new baby), I had started up some inklings of PAS admittedly due to anger at being on my own but then caught myself and righted the ship.  It's an easy trap to fall into and you have to physically fight it to keep it from happening.

Chef's ferals live in the lap of luxury comparitively speaking.  They have all the electric toys and gizmos, a well heeled step dad who just stands back and acts as an ATM for the spoiling Girhippo.

Chmmy's picture

My kids took it hard when he passed away but finished college on time and are doing well. I know awesomeson is well. How about your daughter? 

thinkthrice's picture

as is normal.  My first husband is still alive and living in Albany.  He was never a people person and relates better to computers and electronics.  DD is very similar.  She is not a Huggy kissy person she is very intelligent but she does lack some work ethic here and there. 

Probably saw me bust my butt as a single mom and decided she was going to be a housewife, not that there's anything wrong with that, both her paternal and maternal grandmothers are housewives.   It has worked out well for her and her husband.

Chmmy's picture

So your daughter had a different father. Either way, sounds like neither one was FOTY material. My ex was a decent father when he was around but he was inconsistent. Unfortunately he struggled with depression but didnt show it. He used alcohol to mask it. Now I see when he'd go AWOL he was probably depressed. If I could do things all over, i would except my kids are so perfect

thinkthrice's picture

was married twice and divorced twice

married at just turned 18, divorced by 22

remarried at 26, separated at 30, divorced again at 36

CLove's picture

Suicide is always fraught with many different emotions.

For every one Skid that uses their "child of divorce hardship" as an excuse for being a miserable pos, I think that there is one child who uses their pain and adversity to do better and be better. And you have 2 for 2!

Chmmy's picture

Right, im 2 for 2 but DH is 4 for 4 in the oh woe is me, my parents are divorced and I have  to live with them and hear about it. Mommy always cried poor but daddy would come to the rescue with anything they need $$cha ching. BM loves sympathy and puts on the poor me act at any opportunity. The apples didnt fall far from the pity tree.