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The Evil Inside

Chel Bell's picture

Things over all have been going very well. My DH , and I have regained peace, and control over our lives. The last time we heard from BM was the drunk phone call that we did not answer weeks ago, but , she is still a big topic of conversation. Sometimes, this can be my fault. When I hear "the stories" about things related to her, I can make some pretty nasty comments, or better still, make relentless fun of some of the situations she put my poor DH in. I NEED TO NOT DO THIS! I know, but sometimes it's so hard! And I'm sick of talking about her, but, we live around family now, and they remember her vividly, and of course, they want to talk about the skids, and stuff. Sometimes, I find myself reliving some of the things that she did/said to me....she was extremely abusive to me, and I get this anger building inside me all over again! ( i know, i need a hobby or something LOL) I'm going back into counseling again, to work thru it some more. I don't want to get to the point that I'm annoying to my DH, dissing her and his kids to much. I don't want to get to the point that he can't/ is afraid to talk to me about how he feels, cause he misses skids, or whatever, and be afraid of my response.My DH is a wonderful person, and has made the biggest strides that I have ever seen a man make for the sake of his "second family". I want to be the best for him, but how does one let go of past abuse??? I'm having the hardest time with this.

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bellacita's picture

i have this problem too...i replay conversations w that bitch in my mind. i can hear her calling me all those awful names and see her ugly face just screaming all those horrible things to me. i guess we just have to let it go and try not to think about it. i have a problem running my mouth too but every time i want to say something i just think that i dont want to hurt my FH. hes been thru enough and doesnt deserve constant reminders and little jabs about her. and it might make me feel better for a second just to get it out, but then when i see his face i feel worse. it doesnt make me feel better to make him feel as bad as i feel. so ive gotten better at just keeping my mouth shut...amazing, if u know me personally...lol! work thru it on yr own terms and find what works for u...u have made great strides too in other areas, like letting go of the resentment...focus on the good, yr DH and yr baby...i know you'll work it out.