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Need expierencent advice on NH family law!

cfmommyof3's picture

Well we are now going on nearly a month since we have seen SD. Just as predicted since BM moved even further away she has come up with excuses not to show up and drop SD off to us. This started right after BM asked DH about changing the schedule to every other weekend since SD is getting older and has a life to which DH said she has a life at both houses and no he will not take less time. She tried to say SD is getting car sick and less trips in the car would be nice to which we said stop letting her watch tv or read in the car. She doesn't do either of those things when traveling with us and never gets car sick ( friggin genius). ANyway one of the weekends she said her husbands car got hit that day and her car was in the shop (his car is pretty messed up and she claims she has papers to prove her car was in the shop). Fine shit happens but she didn't even offer to make up the time and there are 2 other licensed adult in the house hold. If this had happened on our time she would have demanded we figure it out and call apon family help so SD doesn't miss school, which we would have done. Then last weekend after I was already in the area where we pick her up she texts and says SD is sick and she doesn't want to make the drive. We went back and forth a bit and in the end we called her out about already owing us a weekend and DH is sick of her trying to keep his daughter from him. (to clarify DH and I share a cell phone and when I say I text I am on the phone with him telling him what she says and texting back for him. These are not conversations between her and I personally). She continued to refuse to show up but did finally offer her weekends this month and next. We said yes. Soooo here we are Friday and I am supposed to pick her up this evening and she texts DH to say now SHE is sick and doesn't know if she will be able to make it tonight but maybe her husband can drop her off tomorrow morning. Btw, DH talked to SD on the phone the other night and said so you were sick last weekend huh? SD says yeah I guess. Bullshit. Now this weekend is technically BMs weekend but she offered it as a make up weekend. She also sent a text a couple days ago saying DH backed her into a corner and didn't give her time to think about what is right for SD so we can have her this weekend but not her December weekend and from now on we will tack "make up days" onto our summer schedule (which she tries to start changing near the end of the school year every year). She does not have the right to just make these decisions and changes without agreeance on both sides yet she does it anyway. Oh and she always ads on well you can come pick her up (except for when SD was supposedly sick) which is about a 6 hour round trip, maybe longer depending on traffic. We have lived in the same place for 6 years and she just keeps moving further away and trying to take more time. Ive had a lot of experience with VT laws and know what I would do here but have heard NH laws are very different. Clearly its time to do something about this. Its killing DH. And our other 2 kids miss their sister soo much and the youngest is 3 who doesn't understand why she hasn't seen her big sister in so long. We all miss her very much and this just isn't fair to anyone, especially SD. Any serious legal advice anyone could offer would be so very much appreciated. DO we file an enforcement order and go from there? We know going to court can be a gamble. They may side with her even though shes the one who keeps moving being that courts don't like to change who the primary custodial parent is, but there has to be something to do here. She cant just make changes and keep SD from us there not be anything to do about it.

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cfmommyof3's picture

No Im not familiar with that. Obviously I know what alienation means and that's a damn good word for what she is doing! But what is PAS?

cfmommyof3's picture

You Ive heard of that book a few times now. Im gonna have to get myself a copy. And thank you for the links. I will check those out. Im willing to check out just about anything at this point that will help!

cfmommyof3's picture

I don't honestly think BM or DH would agree to that kind of driving arrangement. Not to mention SHE is the one made the choices about where pick/drop off would be and times. And SHE is also the one who keeps moving further and further away. And its not like she or even DH do all the driving. Usually BM drops her off to me and DH drops her back off to BM's husband due to everyone's work schedules. Not to mention BM also has a SD whos schedule is similar and they also meet up at the same place at the same times. So one of them is going there anyway no matter how far Dh and I drive. I think the only real difference between their schedule and ours is they get her every other weekend and we get 3 weekends a month. I am pretty sure we are ready to file something. We have texts for yrs back and forth with her but more importantly EVERY SINGLE ONE since she put more than a 45 min drive between the households. The crap she pulled over the summer was much of the same. I was thinking filing and enforcement order but filing for custodial interference sounds probably more along the lines of what we need to do. And we can threaten her all we want. Does no good. Better not to give her a heads up and just file papers. When she informed us she WAS NOT bring SD to us last weekend she said take me to court if you don't like it. I almost think she is trying to push DH to file court papers so she wont have to pay to file but what we file wont be the kind of papers shes thinking they will be. And no SD is only 8 so a bus or train isn't an option unfortunately. DH and I don't let SD dictate weather she comes or not and honestly we know damn well SD wants to be here. Every weekend shes here Sunday rolls around and she like "Do I have to go back to my moms today?" To which we always reply yes honey you know you have school tomorrow. And SD says " I know and the court says I have to go to school where my mom lives." Her living situation isn't exactly wonderful right now either but I don't know if that would matter in court either since she housed, fed, and taken care of. We have tried and tried and tried to talk to BM about things and get her to understand things here are just as important but she feels SD is of an age where if she wants to go to a sleep over there on our weekend she should be able to stay there. We say no. And then BM says well you know your dad said no so.... And we have had no choice but to explain to SD that unfortunately she is going to miss things in both homes because she cant be in 2 places at once. I think she actually does understand and has basically accepted that fact but BM continues to try and use it as a reason not to hand her over. Its just so frustrating and Im sick of see DH in particular hurting over this. When he called me from work today and told me what was going on he said it just ruined his whole weekend and he just wants to crawl into a hole and sleep. He misses her so very much as do the rest of us. It just isn't fair.