how do you handle this???

I was wondering what different kind of responses I would get to this question.
If I ask my dh anything about schedules with skids, ask nicely to talk to one of them about something etc. He freaks out like head turning around voice changing scary freak out.
He then leaves for a little while comes back and says something stupid like oh your nails look great?????
THis is his way of telling me we will not be discussing this again.
So my question is at what point do you stop trying to discuss things? How have you gotten your SO to listen? Any comments or input would be great :?

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Ummmm....

No offense, but that's a little odd. At least in my opinion. My DH listens to me because that's what you do when you are in a relationship with someone...you communicate with each other. Have you spoken to him about why he does that and tell him that it bothers you?

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

Odd maybe or just the way

Odd maybe or just the way some men are.
Let's face it alot of men are taught to hold everything in, as are some women.
I think your quite lucky you are married to a listener, but alot of men are not the best in communication. No offense to any men on here this is SOME men I am speaking about.

my dh has a tendancy to

my dh has a tendancy to block out and ignore me when I bring up issues he does not want to discuss as well and I force the issue. My dh is a quiet self contained person, it takes a bit to get things out of him, but it is always worth it. I politly force him to put down the computer, newspaper, cheerios box, etc and look at me and answer me. Some things he does not want to discuss for a variety of reasons, maybe he has no answer, maybe he disagrees with me and does not want to say so, perhaps he does not know what to do about the issue, and maybe he is just tired. For me it is essential that we have an open line of communication, and I am able to voice my opinion and feel a part of the family. It is important that you feel useful in skids life and a part of the decision making process in order to feel adequate. at least thats how I feel. good luck, it totally sucks to be ignored, don't let it happen. cheers

Yes my dh likes to sweep

Yes my dh likes to sweep things under the largest rock he can find, while I am more of a "get things out in the open" type person.
I am trying to open lines of communication, but he hangs up abruptly when he doesn't like the subject.

I agree with you I not only want to feel useful, but like my time and home life matter as well as my skids. I was just wondering at what point do you just not approach the subject and give up on, not the marriage, but some of the issues that will just not be discussed unless TWO people are willing.
I am a good listener but talking to myself usually gets me no where.

Yes my dh likes to sweep

I decide what is worth

I decide what is worth losing peace over. There's certain subject I just avoid, because I know he's not going to be reasonable anyway, and I would be just wasting my breath by arguing with him. I guess my answer would be to chose your battles.

I am just having trouble

I am just having trouble which battles to choose I guess.
thanks

Hmm

Who or what is he scared of?

Obviously not me

Obviously not me :?

Don't you just love when they do that

BF will change the subject if I want to talk about anything. Then when things area clusterfuq, he gets the deer in the headlight look and is like...'what do i do, what do i do'.
me: I tried
BF: I know, I know
me: just grins and go about my merry way.
I just don't engage anymore. Let him and BM learn the hard way like I did.

BF and I do really well at not picking and fussing at each other. I am not gonna lower myself to argue about HIS kids that I have TRIED to give my opinions on. Things get mucked up...too bad.

I will try to do this,

I will try to do this, disengage although I may need to put a whole lot of tape over my mouth. I have a hard time not speaking my mind. That is putting it mildly }:)
I always say to my dh why did you marry a girl like me if you wanted someone who would sit back and say "oh honey your always right" may i get you your slippers and a drink? Always gets a laugh out of him and he admits he would find that boring, yet still is a stone cold run away from anything to upsetting type.

My husband is a master at diversion

I have become quick like grasshopper to dodge his diversional skill testing!! The best way to tell my DH about things he'd rather not discuss is to pluck his curiousity strings. me: "so i was thinking about something and wanted to see if we could talk about it..." him: *huge sigh* "what?" me: *slightly miffed sniffle* hmm..nevermind.Obviously you'd rather not discuss anything of importance with me as made clearly evident by that huge sigh." him: "fine...nevermind then." me: "ok" Cut to 45-50 minutes later...dh:"so what did you want to talk about earlier? I think if you have something to say we really should talk rather than keep it bottled up." me: "I'd like to discuss how we could handle sd11's schedule better...if we could negotiate with mom a little more so that way you get more quality time withsd11." him: "oh."

usually he knows what I'm going to ask to talk about so the whole ,"nevermind" thing gives him about an hour to be calm and prepare himself for the conversation and he gets insanely curious to know what's on my mind that he actually ends up asking me to talk over and over. It's better for him to ask me to talk than it is for me to chase him around begging to have a decent conversation. If he asks me to share...then what I'm sharing is usually received way better by him.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

I like I like. A little

}:) I like I like. A little reverse psycoligy (sp) type to fast to spell correctly sorry. I am going to try this!

This would not work for everyone..........

I used to get so pissed off everytime BM would change the schedule, but only because it would make FH so mad and he would call me and bitch about it and then go ahead and allow her to do it anyway. This became a problem when he and I would discuss how he shouldn't allow this to happen EVERY time, and then BM would call and FH would cave. So, I simply gave up. You can't fight against the TWO of them, so now when he calls me to bitch and I KNOW he wants me to be mad "for" him, I just react very calmly and say something like "oh, gee that really sucks for you, hey by the way I have a hair appointment tonight." He will try to draw me in and I won't allow it - it's not my fight.

******My daddy always said: "It's better to be a SMARTASS, than a DUMBASS!******

I love this as well,

I love this as well, although I wish my dh would actually grow some nads and be angry. thanks

I WISH my Dh would get angry about it

he never does though...at least if he expressed some frustration I could bond with him in commiseration but he just continually "takes it up the ..." and accepts whatever she gives him. Sometimes I'm able to ignore it and sometimes I have to pull the psychology card on him just to get him to talk about it.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

I hear you there is

I hear you there is something so ungodly frustrating and angering
(not sure that is even a word), when the man you love allows bm and skids run their life for fear of God forbid they be upset.
I want him to get pissed and say Thats it! It will never happen I know but a girl can dream.

Of course then again

on the flip side...we do the same thing in regard to our situation. We get pissed,angry,tearful,furious,etc... yet we still continue to allow DH,BM,skids to do it to us. SO really when I think about it...I'm no better than DH when it come to allowing people to get away with crap. If I followed the advice I try to give DH about BM...I'd be gone already and living alone with my kid and my dog. So would a lot of us...if we followed the whole, "DH i can't believe you let BM and skids get away with that!!! DO SOMETHING!!" DH could always say, "Gosh honey I can't believe you let me,bm,and skids get away with pulling this shit in your life!!! DO SOMETHING!!" That would mean most of us would be divorced from these men instead of continuing to allow this nonsense to go on.

What I'm trying to say is why don't we leave??? why don't we do something about our situation? Well...the same reason DH doesn't stand up to his kids and the same reason DH doesn't stand up to BM. He feels trapped and desperate to make things run smoothly bc he LOVES his kids and loves us. Just like we don't leave because we love him and want it to work... BUT he'd rather piss us off than piss of his kids or BM because they have more to hang over his head than we do. If he lost us...yeah he'd be hurt and upset but he'd eventually get over us. If he lost his kids he'd never get over it. So pissing them off...he has more to lose than pissing us off. Which would YOU choose? I hope that makes sense...might make it a little easier to not be so hard on DH when he's a wimp against skids and bm...

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

I know I agree. The rational

I know I agree. The rational part of me knows this, the irrational part of me that just has to be heard tends to forget.
I stay with dh because I love him, and despite the stepcrap he is a good man with a good heart who I am sure suffers immensly from being pulled back and forth wanting to please everyone.
The little devil on my shoulder sometimes just can't help but want to shake him until he comes around. }:)

me too

I've never been physically violent toward DH but man has he tempted me to throttle him SEVERAL times. I've taken to going across the driveway to the gym and punching the heavy bag...I wonder if he'd take offense if I pasted a pic of him and bm on it... }:)

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

Helping my little ones

Helping my little ones practice soccer also works. That ball really looks like a head when I'm kicking it. I realize I am going to far when I hear "mommy your playing a little to rough"
oops

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how do you handle this???

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