I am so sorry you're facing all this! I've never really wanted to be pregnant... But I can relate in the feelings... I was the first female to contract for something in the military... S*** happened and I ended up becoming temp-disqualified... Which hurt... Now every time I see a female accomplishing it it's like a small stab... Because idk if that's in my cards now... And I worked for it... So watching others accomplish what I want so bad can feel like a bit of a stab to the heart

I REALLY hope things work out for you, we're all here if you need!

Agree completely with what the ladies said above. I cannot help but feel that DH is letting you down, his remaining unemployed for 2.5 years is actively affecting your life, hopes and dreams and you are delaying medical treatment for this. I'm truly sorry that you are in this position.

I'm really sad for you....

You have 4 skids , 2 Bm's and DH has been unemployed for a long time and you can't afford your own baby with him. What a bunch of crap.

There are lots of ways to cut costs for a baby. If you breast feed or get lots of formula coupons that helps a lot .

You can cloth diaper, that saves you 2000$ I would be willing to teach you all about it. It's really not hard at all.

You can buy gently used clothing and baby gear. They don't need too many clothes. But maybe your friend can pass down clothes to you too.

Do you have the next door app? My neighborhood always has baby gear up for sale on it.

*hugs*

#1. Most important part of your post: I too am childless, but not by choice. I was never in a safe enough and secure enough place/relationship, and now I am almost 50 years old. I can so relate, more so now that I am in a happy relationship, and doing much better financially and career-wise in my life.

I have not gone to a specialist, and just know in my heart I am unable to conceive.

What really galls me to pieces, cuts through me like a knife, is TBM (Toxic Baby Momma) who has abused her husband, not really spent time with her children doing things, during the separation was missing from their lives for weeks at a time, still doesn't really spend much time in activities (shes worked for school system 30 plus years, and gets weeks and weeks of vacation!), during argument with eldest daughter, slapped her and choked her - THIS putrid pile of puss conceived not once but TWICE. She had a husband that loved her intensely, married her, supported her AND her children, and she freaking threw it all away with both hands and a bucket.

SO, yes, my heart aches for you and your situation of being happy and supportive of your friend during this time. Lucky you, you get to share in all of this! Double-edged sword if you ask me.

#2. Yes, your huzzy needs to boogie out the door into a job pronto. You have alot on your plate and need him to not be depressed about unemployment. I dont know his sitch, but when I was underemployed, I worked at various jobs that I was obviously too qualified even in my sleep for. But it brought me up, and gave me a reason to get out of my box, and then I gradually rose higher and higher in pay and positions.

But, well, all you can do is stick it out and see what happens.

#1 your husband needs to find SOMETHING. Like at this point ANYTHING is better then nothing. Like backup plan A, B or C hasn't worked so it's time for a new plan.

#2 will you regret it if you don't have kids?

#3 if you have a baby, you will be able to find a way to make it work, people do ALL the time

When you say your husband has been unemployed for 2.5 years, do you mean he has NO JOB AT ALL? He's not bringing in any money? Why would that be? Is he spending 10 hours a day job hunting? I don't know where you live, but in my area there are a ton of jobs. Some are good, many are low paying, but two low paying jobs plus what you're making should bring in enough to afford a baby if you're frugal. I would not give up my dreams while my husband sat around not working.

My SO doesn't make a lot of money. But when he wants or needs something, he takes on side jobs, he finds things he doesn't use to sell, he'll collect scrap metal and sell it. If it's important, he finds a way to make money.

It sounds to me like an "ours" baby is not a priority for your husband. Is that the case? After all, he already has children. Maybe you need to let him know in no uncertain terms that this is a high priority for you and he has to do something to make it happen. Cut the pity party short when he starts that, and then see whether he's willing to sacrifice for your dreams.

It is time to start working on your life plan B. The A plan is not working. Your husband and yourself have the financial means to have children on your salary alone. Perhaps not where you live, perhaps not all the extras you would have liked, but plenty of people have kids with less. It is time to get real and start facing reality as it is facing you and plan how you are going to do what you want to do with less than you thought you would have. These things are possible, you just need a new plan as to how you two are going to make them possible. Talk to your husband, work on a plan. Make it happen.

OP makes over 100k per year at her job, and she's getting a SECOND job while DH has made little dribs and drabs with his photography business for the last 2 years?

NOPE. That man needs to get a job at Macy's stat.

Honestly though, with what OP makes she could absolutely afford to have a baby. Would the baby be able to go to private school or have a live in nanny, which they could have afforded back when her DH was making huge amounts of money as a banking exec? No. But she could still have a baby.

There is NO way she should be getting a SECOND job while her DH sits around.

Divorce and frozen pop. I’m not kidding. I waited around for ten years for XH to “be ready” and then threw away another three on assisted fertility attempts with a guy who only made semen if it wasn’t ovulation time. I wanted HIS baby at the time. Now I realize I was an idiot and should have gone with a sperm bank. When you hit menopause, your dreams dry up and you can’t go back. My sister had two frozen pop kids on a teacher’s salary. Stop supporting your SAHF’s kids and go out and get some of your own!

Charlotte, I wanted to tell you that I completely empathize with you. I did everything "right" per society. Went to college, got degree, got settled, married, then tried for kids. No luck, miscarriage after miscarriage.

Meanwhile my sister had an oops pregnancy and birth, my parents doted on the little one. It all came so easy for her and others. It broke my heart that I may not get to experience this as the doctors told me my eggs were of a quality of a woman ten years older. No smoking, drugs, etc, just luck of the draw.

So I definitely feel your hurt. We had to go the IVF route many times
(that we are still paying for) for both my biosons. It is not fair. Sometimes there is no reason.

But if I knew about egg harvesting \freezing, I would have done it. I had no idea such a thing existed, or that I would be a candidate. I just assumed once I was ready (25), the babies would come easily. How wrong I was.

I wanted to let you know you are not alone in your feelings. Everybody seemed to get pg easily, when I was trying and failing so hard.

Big hugs to you!!

Charlotte, not that I'm advocating for people having kids they can't afford but with your medical situation and your clear desire to be a mom, I known very few people who are financially sound before having a baby-myself included. BD was a surprise.

You figure it out once you have them. My SO was unemployed when she was born. We struggled for a bit but it took us no time to figure it out. I don't know where all my money went before kids but I have more now with them, then I ever had without them.

Trust yourself, where there's a will there is a way doll.

I agree with the others who say go for a baby while you can. DH can watch the baby, which would save a ton of money.

I also agree that by this time, your DH should have some sort of income. By this time, he could have started his own IT consulting business. There are TONS of contract IT jobs out there. My DH is in his mid 50's, is a senior director level making decent money in IT in a bank, and has gone through at least 5 jobs in the last 10 years. He has never been out of work more than a month. He usually takes a contract job and the company then hires him on directly, which is the norm these days. At the current company, he interviewed for a position that was WAY beneath him, and the guy interviewing him asked why. My DH told them that this was his "back up", and the guy actually offered him a different job that was perfect for him. My husband says that IT Project Manager jobs are everywhere as short-term contract jobs, and he would do a couple projects a year if he were to lose his current job.

Go for the baby; you'll figure it out. Maybe it will be the incentive for your DH to figure out a way to earn some money.