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SS9 Nightmares of Death

CastleJJ's picture

SS9 has been here for 4 days. Last night, we watched Disney's Haunted Mansion, the 2003 PG movie with Eddie Murphy, about a curse on the mansion that Eddie Murphy and his family have to break, reuniting the ghost owner with his ghost true love. SS seemed to really enjoy it and he was the one who requested we watch it. 

DH left for work this morning. I checked on SS and asked him if he had any nightmares from the movie last night. He said "Yes." I asked him what his nightmare was about. He said he had a nightmare that DH was trying to hurt him. I asked SS to elaborate. He said that he had a nightmare that DH hired a hitman to kill him. I was shocked. I asked SS if he believes that DH would hurt him, he just shrugged. I asked SS if anyone has told him that DH would hurt him. He said "No." I assured SS that DH and I would never do anything to hurt SS or put him in danger. 

I let DH know. DH is so upset that SS would even question whether DH would hurt him or not. I believe BM and GF are PASing, making SS believe we are dangerous or a threat to him. It seems too coincidental with BM's brother's comment to SS9 at spring break pick up, "Did you bring perfume covered stuffed animal to protect you?" DH and I are going to continue to document these trends, so if we are falsely accused of abuse in the future, we have documentation showing all these weird comments and behaviors.

This is the kind of stuff that makes me detach from SS9. This is what makes me wish we had no contact and could just be done with the PAS crap. When it is so incredibly obvious that we are 2nd in his life and BM and GF are #1 and the priority. This kid literally questions if we would hurt him intentionally. We have only ever showered this kid with love and support. We have spent our entire relationship and tens of thousands of dollars fighting for this damn kid. He has been talking about home nonstop with "My Moms" this and "My Moms" that. SS9 has been super snarky today since we have nothing fun planned and the fun pool party weekend is over. DH and I agree that we need to let SS9 be bored and not try to make everything fun all the time. He needs to have normalcy here. We can't only be the fun vacation house. Currently, SS is pouting and sitting in a chair with nothing to do while I'm working. SS better find something to entertain himself or he is in for a long two weeks. 


futurobrillante99's picture

Dreams are strange things and often make zero sense. I don't think drawing a conclusion that anyone is influencing SS in a manner that would have him fear for his life around his father is a simple as a straight line from A to B.

He may feel insecure or unsettled about the family dynamics and it expressed itself in a bizarre dream.

Write it down, but I wouldn't draw any conclusions about his mother and the GF leading SS to believe his father would harm him.

CastleJJ's picture

We have had false allegations of sexual misconduct from BM previously and weird comments from BM/GF and their family about "protecting SS from us" or the like have surfaced in recent months. I'm not saying a nightmare equals proof but I have noticed a pattern of SS being fearful with us or comments about danger with us. 

FinallySkidFree's picture

You should have replied "Oh DH wouldn't hire a hitman, he'd get the clown from IT to drag you into the sewer drains you silly boy." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ispofacto's picture

An attention-seeking victim-mentality kid will claim they had a nightmare even if they didn't, especially if given the opportunity. 

An attention-seeking victim-mentality kid will claim they fear the target parent, especially if given the opportunity. 

Stop asking leading questions.  Every time skid thinks about, and speaks about, and gets attention for how skeered he is, it entrenches it in his mind.  Every time skid thinks about, and speaks about, and gets attention for what a monster DH is, it entrenches it in his mind.  You have become a participant in his brainwashing.


CastleJJ's picture

SS is not the attention seeking, victim mentality type. Even if he was, the whole exchange lasted less than two minutes and was to protect DH and I more than it was to reinforce SS. 

BethAnne's picture

Even still. I don't think asking if he had nightmares is helpful. Asking if he slept well, if he had any dreams..those are positive or neutral questions.

Asking a child if they had nightmares is a leading question and can potentially lead a child to either make something up/let their immaginations run wild or just make them focus on and think about nightmares more than they need to. If the kid wakes up distressed or upset then ask if they had any bad dreams and if they want to talk about it. But on a normal day I would avoid the question.

Ispofacto's picture

Randomly go up to your boss and ask him if he thinks you're stealing from the company, or reassure him you're not stealing from the company.  See what happens.  Do it every day.

It won't be long before he starts to wonder if there's a reason why he should think you're stealing from the company.

Don't have a boss?  Okay.  Randomly go up to DH and ask him if he thinks you're cheating on him, or reassure him you're not cheating on him.  Do it every day.  Suggest to him that he should have reason to suspect you're cheating.  See what happens.

Stop thinking about purple elephants.  Stop it.  Stop.

Are you thinking about purple elephants?  Stop.  You shouldn't be thinking about purple elephants.


FinallySkidFree's picture

Hahahahaha! This!!!!! I don't even understand why someone would ask "Did you have a nightmare?" Instead of "Good Morning! Did you get a good night's sleep?"