should kids have anything to do about child support ??
I was wondering about this and would really like your opinion about it :
my DH has to pay CS for his two kids each month (on the court order it doesn't say which day of the month;so it can be anyday as long as it's once a month right?) DH has a job and gets paid bi-weekly (BM also). BM knows exactly what his paydays are and that's when she keeps calling like a madwomen just to get the money. What my DH used to do was write a handmade receipt and let her sign this that she got the money.He even used to handdeliver her the money at her house (she doesn't want it via a bank) ! that's how she wants it because if he doesn't do anything her way she'll get mad and say that he can't see the kids then.and of course he feels sad so he does it..
what BM also does is that either she herself calls or she'll let one of the kids and sometimes even her mother call my DH to ask when he's bringing the money. I finally convinced my DH to deposit the CS at our social services office where the next day she can go and get the money herself The first time she did this she wasn't too happy 'cause 1: she had to go there herself (waste her gasoline !)and 2:she had to stand in line for 15 minutes!!(it's sooo much nicer/easier to 1: have your ex spend his new wife's gas and 2:not wait in any line 3:get to see your ex !!)
I just can't understand why BM lets her kids call DH for CS. My personal opinion is that it's none of the kids business about how much and when CS is to be paid.My ex deposits his CS in my bankaccount and that's it I don't have to see him and my kids don't even know that I get CS much less how much.
let me know what you think about all this please
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Exactly !!
That's what I keep telling my DH also but he just gets defensive. I can't understand why he has to do everything her way. I mean you pay CS so it's kinda like "pay-per-view" you know. He has a right to see his kids. He's such a chicken when I tell him to just call BM up tell her how it's going to be from now on and that's it.She can call whenever there's an emergency or something with the kids but not for stupid dumb things all the time.Just pay every first of each month so she stops calling. The money will be there when it gets there.Also I think she doesn't even use it for the kids but on herself (school's not paid, skids still need new shoes and clothing etc.)
I agree with Cruella
The best way (whether she likes it or not!) to pay the CS is through a third party agency, preferrably one that tracks the payments. Since you are the ones paying it then she has little to no say as to how you do it. I also think that setting an exact date (ie first of the month etc) would alleviate a lot of stress for you because she will know that she can expect the money on a certain day each month and won't call asking when.
Also, children should have nothing to do with CS and it probably shouldn't be discussed in front of them. My FH pays mucho CS for SD and then we have her EOW and buy her things for school, clothes, etc. There have been many times when she has asked us to buy her something that she needs and I would love to say "ask your Mom bc she gets lots of CS to spend on you". I would never because she is a child and she shouldn't have to deal with that-she goes through enough having to deal with a divorce.
So by using a 3rd party to pay her the drama should subside. Unless, of course, this is all an excuse to be in contact with or see her Ex....then you have other problems!
In my state your employer
In my state your employer can deduct it from your pay and then it is sent to cs collections and they cut a check to the party getting cs. They mail the check to the house or direct deposit but the two parents never have to deal with eachother and giving the money!!!
I agree with Cruella
Let him open up an account with Child Support Enforcement. That way she will have no reason to call him at all.
She doesn't like it becuase it takes her power away that she feels she has.
I agree that
paying CS through the DSS is a good idea. I think it can be done in all 50 states. This is what we did towards the end of BM's having custody because we could not trust her with us just handing her the CS check. All BM should care about is that she is getting her mandatory CS payments. It also made us feel more like it was actually going to the SDs instead of BM's unnecessary vacations and cruises. Then, after a few days, H would go on his bank website and see whether or not she had cashed the check or it was canceled. Then he'd print it off and put it in the folder we had for our case to obtain custody of the kids. Paying through the state helped us track how the CS was being spent a little bit better.
I agree that if BM uses the kids as pawns in ANY circumstance, not just CS, I'd be sending my DH right off to our lawyer. I have read TONS of tips for divorced parents online to try and help my DH and the #1 tip EACH site ALWAYS mentioned is to NEVER use the kids to communicate. If none of the adults can communicate then they can through the system. Using the kids to communicate when ideally all of the parents (bio and step) SHOULD (and I capitalize "should" because unfortunately this is not always the case as we all know too well!) be adult enough to put their issues aside for the sake of the kids and communicate civilly and be adults about the situation is just wrong on so many levels. In our case, BM was having the kids inquire as to on what date DH would go online and pay her. He ended up having to tell them that is something he will discuss with BM and they will work out. They'd also say, "Dad, you need to call BM on your payday so she can know you got your paycheck." It made his blood boil!
If a PostMark is good enough for the IRS then ......
a date submitted for online bill pay should be good enough for court if you need it. I think I would do the on-line bill pay transfer on the last day of the month and let BM eat any delay that occurs.
If I was being snarky about it.
Best regards,
Ditto with Cruella
I also agree with Cruella. Also, I don't think that it is a childs place to actually be "in on" conversations surrounding CS. They shouldn't really even know that there is such a thing. I know that most BMs make a habit out of saying "Well your dad didn't pay us, so you won't get that" or stuff like that. It sets up animocity towards the BF and just isn't their business. Kids need to be kids.
Well we do cs voluntarily,
Well we do cs voluntarily, no court order, so I started having my ExH pay BM! Thats right. My ExH and I have an account together, his paycheck goes into it, he does a bill pay to BM for what we pay her and the difference of what he owes me he transfers to my account with my DH. He pays $800/mo to me for cs, and we pay BM $300/mo, so ExH pays BM $300 and transfers $500 to me. That way I don't feel like we're paying her LOL
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
yeah he doesn't care. I
yeah he doesn't care. I asked him beforehand and he said "whats the difference, its not my kid but its not really your husband's either so whatever, I'll send it to her if it makes you feel better"...guess he figures he's done enough horrible crap to me, he's trying to be nicer these days
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I agree with Dany ....
Other than being told that CP and NCP are both providing support the kids don't need to know a thing.
Of course if one or the other parent is being an ass then I see no problem if the kids are aware of it. They usually observe it anyway so a parent who is victimized by the other parent should be able to clearly and concisely communicate the issue with the kid so that kid understands that they (the kid) is not to blame for the problem.
With my SS we have made it a point to avoid venting about his idiot BD but when it comes to FACTS we discuss them openly and SS is given the FACTS that answer any questions SS asks.
eg ... "Your BIODAD is responsible for supporting all of his children. He chose to have three younger children and not marry their mothers. Your BIODAD chose to continue to have children he could not afford. The CS he pays for you does not take anything away from your sibs. Your BIODAD's choices are the problem not the CS he pays for you"
The list of applicable and verifiable FACTS goes on and on.
Facts are not good or bad, they are just facts.
Best regards,