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Married my unfinished business

carl.hutchinson.usa's picture

When I was dating my wife, she was getting terrorized by her little boy. My wife told me that she was forced into an arranged marriage and the boy was the product of rape and abuse before she escaped the marriage with a divorce that also led to her parents disowning her. 

What a great sob story. Boy did I fall for that one. Fool me once... 

Fast forward fourteen years and the little boy is a man-child now. My wife is telling everyone that I am an abusive husband and she married me based on false pretenses. Now instead of terrorizing his mom, the man-child goes after me. 

I would have left five years ago if I didn't have a biological kid with my wife. And whenever it gets to its worst, and I ask to work out a divorce, my wife tells me in solitude how she destroyed her first husband and how she'll destroy me too. 

Its no wonder my step son has psycological issues.  He has been systematically trained to think his biological dad was a psychopath. My step son has never met or even seen a picture of his biological dad. Its no wonder my stepson tells my biological daughter to not trust me or believe me, when my stepson thinks all father figures are just abusive jerks who abandon their family. Its no wonder my stepson will attack me anytime his mom sets up the right traps. 

I hope and pray that my wife will stop her antics, get therapy, and come to terms with the wreckage in her life's wake. I hope and pray my stepson will finally get a job and move out now that he is almost 23 years old. I hope and pray we'll all have a happy honest Thanksgiving dinner someday with grandkids hearing a story laced with humor about all of the ridiculousness that couldn't spoil our ultimate success.

What a great happy ending to our story that would be. Boy, oh boy, I'm still falling the for the same shit. Fool me twice...

Comments

JRI's picture

Do you want to stay with her?  Do you feel like you must stay with het, for instance, for your DD?  Life is short. Carl.

carl.hutchinson.usa's picture

That song by Eminem, "Love the way you lie", there are lines in that song really hit home. Of course, I've never resorted to violence when she pushes me. 

JRI's picture

Carl, you need to do 2 things: 1) document everything and 2) see a lawyer.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Crazy, vindictive people don't change, ever.

Please save yourself. Establish a stable new life, so your bio has one safe parent.

carl.hutchinson.usa's picture

The problem is I see with my step son is there is no such thing as divorce after you have a kid with someone. The only way I see going forward is to work like crazy on getting a career and life that justifies geographic separation from my wife and my step son. 

At this point, I realize that if I am far away, then my step son will rule the house with his fucked up values. That is okay, as long as my daughter is not living in that house. 

I want a situation where my daughter and I live far away. Like need a plane ticket far away. And my wife and step son can visit. 

justmakingthebest's picture

How does she plan on destroying you? Have you spoken to an attorney?

carl.hutchinson.usa's picture

She plans to use my Army PTSD diagnosis against me. No way around that. We went to couples therapy for about six months. It was always the same thing. She would spend 30 minutes dogging on me. I would spend 30 minutes owning the things that were true and trying correcting the things that weren't true. This led to a ton of medical evidence that supports her claim that I am not stable. 

Well played. She did something similar to her ex-husband. 

tog redux's picture

She won't change. Get out as soon as you can, and expect your wife to make effort to alienate your daughter from you - I'm sure she's already poisoning her now. 

carl.hutchinson.usa's picture

Um, yep, my wife already started the psyops. To make matters worse, her son has joined forces with her. 

Thank God for COVID because it has allowed me to stay at home and reestablish myself as the man of the house and be present whenever someone tries to slip a seed of lies into my house. 

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

If she’s telling everyone you are abusive and this is lies, then you need legal advice ASAP - and you need to start documenting stuff like the others say - because if she turns on you one day (she may threaten you with something to manipulate you) this isn’t going to be pretty. Some people can’t be trusted. Your wife is one of them. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

For God's sake, go see a lawyer (don't tell your wife), figure out how to get your ducks in a row, and leave before she has you thrown in jail on false charges! And never again just take a woman's word that her ex was abusive or crazy. He was probably just like you.