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Chapter 24, Part 4: Bratty’s Notorious Email

caninelover's picture

Public Service Announcement:  We've reached the penultimate chapter in the Bratty Chronicles!  After the next chapter (finale) I plan to share some thoughts in an Epilogue and then some more current Bratty news.  Thanks everyone for hanging in there with me through this saga, and for your kind and validating comments.  It is so nice to find a community of people who understand, and this process has been immensely helpful in organizing my thoughts, calming my spirit, and understanding what the future may hold.  So Thank You Steptalkers!

Bratty’s email started off by stating she didn’t think we understood her point about her experiences being different so she wanted to elaborate further.  In a very long email Bratty stated that she was non-binary and trans and her experience was different because of this.  She felt frustrated when I spoke of my experience since I am (paraphrasing 2 pages of junk here) a binary cis-gendered simpleton.

Bratty stated her experiences were younger and more vulnerable because she was trans and she spent puberty in a body that felt wrong to her.  She was taking male hormones now and taking the time to experience puberty again.  Her current experiences were more equivalent to those of a 14-year old boy.  [Side note - curious that she picked 14 as that was her age when SO and Darth Vader (BM) split.  If you recall, in ‘Letters to Bratty’, she tried to manipulate/guilt trip me once before by whining that she didn’t get to live with SO after he split from Darth Vader.]  At any rate, Bratty felt she should not be held to adult standards merely because she has existed on earth for 23 years.

Bratty also went on to express a new complaint that went all the way back to the summer she stayed with us.  One day we were all at our complex pool and there was family with noisy young kids.  I remarked something along the lines of thank goodness I don’t have kids and SO apparently agreed that it was nice to not have young children to deal with.  Bratty took offense because I didn’t want kids and SO loved me so therefore SO did not love Bratty.

To be honest I didn’t remember this but it sounded like something I would say.  Of course I was commenting while observing young unruly kids – obviously I did not mean ‘SO, I don’t have children of my own so please cancel your own adult children’.  This really offended me as my choices were my own and why the eff was Bratty dragging that into our therapy sessions at all?

I told SO I was really done and wanted to stop therapy.  We weren’t getting anywhere and Bratty sending these toxic emails between sessions was hurtful to me.  SO said he understood and it was my decision.

I emailed the therapist the next day and explained my reaction and my desire to stop therapy.  He said he understood but encouraged me to attend one more session to express my reaction to receiving and reading Bratty’s email, and also encouraged me to consider taking a pause instead and returning after a break.  He also responded to Bratty’s email and basically said stop sending emails and we’ll discuss in session.  I thought about his recommendation and ultimately agreed to a pause.

At the next session I calmly explained my feelings and reactions when reading Bratty’s email.  That I felt it was meant to be a gigantic guilt trip for both myself and SO to try one last time to not have to move out.  That I didn’t give a rat’s behind what her opinion was about my not having children but it was none of her business.  Bratty stammered out that I took everything wrong and she was not trying to guilt trip us but merely trying to communicate her frustration with our misunderstanding of her circumstances. 

The therapist jumped in and told Bratty this is exactly why these types of topics should be discussed in person with someone and not via email.  He also told Bratty that as he read the email he felt it was meant to shame others and she needed to work on verbalizing her thoughts in session and without relying on intersession emails.  He suggested she write down her thoughts and read them in session, if that’s what it took, but no more emails.

We talked about next steps and I communicated to Bratty that I would be taking a break.  I also advised Bratty that I would not return to therapy if I did not see a serious commitment (i.e. a plan or a timeline) for her to move out.  The Therapist suggested that SO and Bratty continue with appointments while I took a break, and they agreed.  Bratty seemed confused and said yes to the sessions with SO to discuss her issues with Darth Vader (BM) but asked if I would attend ‘just to listen and be informed’.  Um, no because it is your Mommy issues that I had nothing to do with and therapy is not a spectator sport.

I was so happy when that session ended.  SO and I had a backpacking trip that weekend that was restorative for me.  We had a heart to heart and I told SO I wanted to step away from Bratty permanently.  I expressed how guilty I felt about not liking Bratty and I didn’t want that to come between him and Bratty.  He said he understood and would support my decision.  He also expressed that it was not his role to provide Bratty a replacement mother so Bratty would have to deal with that reality.

A few weeks later, I did return for one final therapy session with Bratty, where I formally disengaged.  We’ll go over that, as well as what I heard from SO and Bratty from their one-on-one sessions, in the next chapter. 

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Okay, we probably don't want to go down this rabbit hole, but how can you be non-binary AND trans? If she felt like she was in the wrong body, then didn't she have a gender identity, ie, male, and is therefore not non-binary? And is she really taking testosterone? 

Sounds like the therapist is pretty good - but I'd agree that this is a hopeless situation you should just distance yourself from. 

caninelover's picture

So apparently anyone who doesn't identify as binary is considered trans.

Yes she was actually taking testosterone for awhile (SO saw the medical claims) but she may have stopped or is getting it through the clinic where she works - not sure about that.

KC is not the stepmother's picture

The same way a lactose intolerant vegan can enjoy chowing down on Boston Market chicken and Man n Cheese. Mix it up in the blender that is Bratty's brain, then it makes sense only to them/they. 

IDontCare3117's picture

All these different terms really play with my brain.

I'll throw this into the mix because it's an honest question of mine:  If Bratty identifies as trans (male), how in the world were other people treating her in misogynistic ways?

caninelover's picture

Aren't recognizing Bratty's identify and therefore still treating her as a girl which is not how she identifies.  Its other people's fault again LOL.

Stepdrama2020's picture

I am too old for this world. I am lost in the terminology and the understanding of all of this.

I identify as a mixed up naive middle aged Karen I suppose. 

I dont really get the Karen usage, so if I am offending anyone, I apologize. Cause I am confused. Unlike Bratty who knows her identity. No she doesnt, wait yes she does and on it goes.

caninelover's picture

but sometimes I just want to tell some of these kids to just be themselves but all this stuff is too complicated for me...

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm in my mid-20s and this makes very little sense to me... So i guess I'm also too old for this world...

advice.only2's picture

Okay hold up wait, you are telling me that you can medically start taking hormones/testosterone now and don't need to be attending therapy sessions for gender reassignment? I call bull-sh*t on Bratty about that, but what do I know I'm not a doctor.

Aside from that good on you for putting up your boundaries and sticking to them. I'm sure Bratty can't understand or comprehend probably because nobody has ever done that with her.

caninelover's picture

But I think in CA you can start hormones with informed consent only.  For any surgical procedures a therapist (or two in some cases) is needed for insurance to cover the procedures.  But if paying out of pocket, then back to informed consent only.

SO did see the medical claim forms so she was for awhile at least.  Not sure if she still is or not.

advice.only2's picture

Yeah again not a doctor and I live in CA, but that is scary AF! I mean you have these young adults who are extremely immature and want to jump on any bandwagon to make themselves feel relevant and they are allowed to start taking hormones/testosterone with out needing to get some form of therapy, so very scary!

caninelover's picture

Claims the 'barriers' of therapists recommendations are transphobic because most therapists don't understand trans young adults.

Not sure if something may be different for under 18, but since Bratty is 23 and an adult I don't think it was required...or if it was she probably got a sign-off from someone pretty easily since hormones are considered (mostly) reversible unlike surgery.

CLove's picture

I suspect its all "smoke and mirrors" to keep her in there and not having to move out. She cannot both a child and adult (you must take care of me! You are responsible for me! But I make my own decisions because Im an adult)

Currently, Feral Forger SD22's excuse for not getting a drivers license is she was a passenger in a car that was in a fender bender. The "accident" has caused her deep trauma that will be impossible to overcome therefore everyone will be relegated to chauffeuring her around indefinitely.

This also applies to bikes.

caninelover's picture

I think it was all stemming from not wanting to move out and try to guilt us into letting her stay.  Of course she is not 14 and can't escape adult responsibilities because she's immature.

KC is not the stepmother's picture

As a 14 year old boy Bratty would expect to live in your familial home while enjoying your familial pool and hot tub, spending their days lounging on your familial couch. 

caninelover's picture

That's what I think Bratty was trying to guilt us into doing for her - i.e. 'oh you poor thing, we didn't know you were going through all that, let us help you out by letting you stay with us and take care of you'.  NOPE.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Dang I give you all the credit in the world for even trying with bratty.

I have to say I am addicted to these blogs. Kinda like Netflix when you reach the last episode of a fav drama, and it saddens you.

I am hoping to read many more Bratty shenanigans. For us readers it is entertaining, but unfortunate for you to live it.

 

caninelover's picture

The Bratty drama will continue going forward.  It already has as I've shared in the breaking news but there is other stuff too!

24 years as a SM's picture

If Bratty has such an identity crisis, when she was with you and DH at the pool, what was she wearing? Bikini, one-piece or shorts and a T-shirt? Just thinking, if she was wearing a bikini or one-piece than she was identifying herself as a female for all to see.

caninelover's picture

But that was a few years ago.  I've seen facebook pictures of her at the beach last summer and it was shorts/shirt.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

It sounds like Bratty is using her gender issues as an excuse to not grow up and to excuse her behavior. And an excuse like that can be used forever. 

caninelover's picture

And I bet it will be the excuse for her not becoming a doctor, e.g. the program was non-inclusive, the MCAT was non-inclusive, the med school was non-inclusive, etc etc etc.

advice.only2's picture

Woah woah woah wait, she wanted to become a gynecologist didn't she so she could help patients such as herself with severe endometriosis?

caninelover's picture

Yes to cure endo.  Except now she says she may want to be a plastic surgeon or endocrinologist to help people with gender re-assignment.

She may end up an Uber driver LOL.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I like your DH and that he realistically is not trying to make you a replacement mother.

caninelover's picture

He might have felt differently.  But Bratty was already an adult (well 18 at least) when we got together. 

But I wouldn't have dated anyone with young kids anyway...

Kaylee's picture

OMG this is hilarious!! 

"they" are using all this stuff as an excuse for their shortcomings and also "they" are blaming everyone else for their mistakes, and refusing to take personal responsibility.