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Chapter 15, Part 2: Thanksgiving 2018 – Once a Vegan, Not Always a Vegan

caninelover's picture

The next day, yours truly had scored three free tickets to Disneyland.  Bratty was super-excited and wanted to get up at the crack of dawn to get going.  She had a late night flight out of the airport nearby to head home, so the plan was for the three of us to spend the day there, grab some dinner, and then drop Bratty off at the airport.  I was still upset from the day before but decided to put on a happy face and get through the rest of Bratty’s visit. 

We actually had a nice day at Disneyland.  The rides and entertainment were a pleasant distraction for all three of us.  We ate some non-vegan junk food (all paid for by SO and I) and Bratty had a very non-vegan lunch of salmon and veggies.  Followed up with some non-vegan churros (damn those Disneyland churros are freakin’ delicious) and caramel dipping sauce.  At any rate I did not point out that Bratty was apparently no longer vegan and just focused on enjoying myself and having some fun.

As it started getting late in the afternoon, SO asked Bratty where she wanted to go for dinner before her flight.  Without hesitation, Bratty wanted to go to [wait for it….]………Boston Market for dinner.  Now I was confused as less than 24 hours prior Bratty was dismissing my homemade (and delicious, if I do say so myself) Thanksgiving dinner.  But today Boston Market was the place to go.  SO didn’t say a word as he’s used to this type of behavior from Bratty but I was definitely annoyed.  Nevertheless, Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, it’s off to Boston Market we go.

Once there Bratty proceeds to order a meal of chicken and mac.  In silent protest (and to be honest I wasn’t hungry after all the eating at Disneyland) I ordered nothing.  Chicken is not vegan.   Mac and cheese is not vegan.  Nor was the cornbread that she also devoured.  I still said nothing and continued my silent protest.  Bratty asked me if I wanted some of her meal.  I said no thanks.  A few minutes go by and Bratty asks again.  I’m wondering if she’s trying to taunt me at this point and I snap a bit and say no thanks and no need to ask again.  A bit rude of me but it was going to be a bigger argument if I didn’t shut her up to be honest. 

Bratty didn’t ask again and we dropped her off at the airport after dinner.  She did say thank you for hosting her to both of us as she left to catch her flight.  We wished her safe travels and headed home, tired from a long day and another drama-filled visit.  The next day SO and I spoke and I told him it was completely unacceptable that he yelled at me at Thanksgiving.  I was struggling with Bratty’s behavior with me, SO’s lack of parenting Bratty, and communicating anything negative about Bratty at all to SO because he tended to get defensive.  We ultimate decided to find a therapist who would work with both of us as a couple on how to communicate about Bratty.  Our next chapter will cover the counseling sessions, and Bratty’s “Sorry, Not Sorry” apology letter to me.

Comments

Stepdrama2020's picture

Entertainment and annoyance all rolled into one.

Again I will say you are better than me girl. You hold your calm so well. I think I would have lost it on her after she rejected your thanksgiving meal because Vegan, and the next day its a carnivore fest. Frankly why the hell didnt DH lose it on her ? 

She is who she is, and guilty daddio allows it.

Looking forward to the sorry not sorry letter and of course your therapy. Please do not tell us in big daddys eyes this letter was gold.

caninelover's picture

Why he tolerates the behavior from her.  He does recognize poor behavior in other people, kids, etc.  For example, his friends have young kids and if they behaved that way he would have said they were rude and lacked manners.  I really think he is so used to this behavior from Bratty, plus some fear of pushing back on her for fear of upsetting her mental health.  

BPDHell's picture

This is very likely the case, at least I know this is the issue with DH and his son, who is mentally ill. He's afraid that if SS is held accountable or called out for his bad behavior he'll lose his shit, and he's not wrong. SS has no tolerance for criticism of any kind and immediately becomes argumentative and aggressive. But I've proven to him and shown him there are ways to address things without becoming confrontational, I have successfully done so with SS. But DH has never been able to pull it off, mostly I think because the SS manipulates him very easily. He's still afraid to let me interact with him directly, despite the fact that I've shown I handle him better than he does, because of that underlying fear. He also feels lot of guilt because he doesn't like his own son and hasn't really been able to confront that reality. He finally admitted that he doesn't like spending time with him though, which isn't a surprise since nobody does. Honestly, I feel bad for my SS, his parents seriously failed him and he is living a terrible life because of it. But that doesn't mean I'll tolerate his BS!

These messed up adult kids are a lot of work. I'm impressed how you handled this situation. I can guarantee that I would not have handled my DH telling me "enough" as calmly as you did. As a matter of fact, they would have been escorted out and not allowed back in the house until BOTH apologized for being rude to the person who had just spent days cooking their holiday meal! I have a really bad temper and there definitely would have been words.lol I am learning to try to react more calmly, but man! That is not a natural reaction for me. Life goals! Bahahahaha

caninelover's picture

They can't handle any criticism so everyone tiptoes around them.  That is why they are so difficult to be around.

advice.only2's picture

Oh you are a kinder soul than me, I would have given subtle digs any chance I got about the vegan issue. "Oh fish for lunch...as long as it doesn't have legs and gobble I'm guessing it's considered vegan ehh Bratty?" "Hmm dairy and poultry bit of a stretch to play that "vegan" card now isn't it!"

Gimlet's picture

I was thinking the same thing!

Oh Bratty, I didn't realize Boston Market had vegan options!  Oh Bratty, isn't salmon an animal product?  Did you know churros are made with dairy?

Merry's picture

That would totally be me.

Bratty, I'm confused. Are you vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, or what? Yesterday you told me vegan, but salmon isn't vegan.

And I'd delight in the awkward silence.  

caninelover's picture

Or blame Disneyland because there were no vegan options so she was forced to eat non-vegan to appease me.  

For Boston Market, it was a 'tradition' for her and her Dad so it was his fault.

I'm not kidding.

Gimlet's picture

Oh she's full of it, there are always vegan options, there just may not be the vegan options you want to eat.   Probably not going to find vegan churros and you know that when you make that choice.  Most vegans will research to see what they can eat before they go and pack snacks if needed.

Ah yes, that important "day after Thanksgiving Boston Market" tradition. 

She only said she was vegan to f*ck up your dinner, no one in their right mind declares veganism on Thanksgiving. 

caninelover's picture

Bratty doesn't eat salads or spicy food.  She really only eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, granola bars, and veggie burgers.  Yes she could have found options that were vegan but she didn't want them and wanted the churros etc. but those are the bullsh*t excuses she always makes.

Yes she was trying to get attention on Thanksgiving Day hence her temporary veganism.  She doesn't like attention on me for preparing the meal so it was her way of manipulating SO to pay attention to her.

MissK03's picture

100% As I stated in her previous blog... I wouldn't have been able to control myself with comments. 
 

The fact that the day before... not even 24 hours later.. she's eating meat. How f'n rude?! With no remorse clearly. 

caninelover's picture

She is rude and I am not the first person that has called her out on it.  But she's in denial and thinks she is an 'overly considerate' person.

Kaylee's picture

So much like my ex SD.

In her eyes she is a lovely person, and it's everyone else who is rude and inconsiderate.

JRI's picture

Yeah, my SD59 describes herself as "really sensitive".  Everyone else says rude, inconsiderate, manipulative liar.  Lol.

futurobrillante99's picture

Yes!! I would have asked the waitress at the Boston Market if they had any vegan chicken or vegan macaroni and cheese. I mean, every snack at Disney, I would have asked really loudly - "Is this ice cream VEGAN?"

caninelover's picture

I should have pretended to be vegan at Boston Market LOL.  Hmmm...I'm hungry but does this chicken have meat?  Does this mac and cheese have dairy?  LOL...

tog redux's picture

OMG. Chicken?! She's not even a vegetarian, much less a vegan. I would personally have said something, myself, "Oh, I'm confused, I thought you were vegan?".

Glad you stood up to SO.

caninelover's picture

I do care that she is respectful to me and her behavior on Thanksgiving was completely rude.  I couldn't care less if wants to run around being a fake vegan for the rest of her life but she will NOT behave this way in my home towards me again, ever.

tog redux's picture

I think I'd lose respect for SO if he didn't call her out on her "Now I'm a vegan, Now I'm not" crap. The tiptoeing around her would be really unattractive.

caninelover's picture

Just pandering to whatever Bratty says/wants when we were all in family therapy.  He finally realized he needed to stick up for me IN FRONT OF BRATTY not just say sorry, or I didn't see it, or whatever lame excuse afterwards.

CajunMom's picture

You are one STRONG woman! I'd have broke and thrown churros or something. LOL

I cannot wait to see what the "sorry, not sorry" letter is all about. I've recieved two of those from two different SKs. Both BS. LOL

caninelover's picture

No churros need to harmed in this tale Smile

Plus they are like $5 each at Disneyland so no way they are getting thrown ROFL

CLove's picture

I got one of those texts. It was either before or during that popular song by Demi Lovato, Sorry, not Sorry".

From Feral Forger SD21, when she was around 16 ish. She had been disrespectful to me and I called her on it, told her father, and he read her riot act. Her arguing then commenting "I cant believe your taking your GIRLFRIENDS side over your OWN CHILD". Note that she never apologised.

Then a few hours later, when we were going to a Christmas Music event and she wanted to go. She asked "ok what time so I can get ready." I was like "whaaaaaaaaaat? Heck no!

Dh told her "you never apologised to cLove, you cant go until you apologise to her for how you acted." Because repercussions.

She went silent (sounds a bit like bratty eh?)

Then we go and I get a text "Sorry, not sorry". With a long, multi-paragrach detailing how she is a child of divorce, and its all my fault and everything is my fault and I am the cause of all her problems. Something like "sorry, not sorry that you caused me to go into a deep depression and want to leave, sorry not sorry that you are taking my family away from me...etc".

Cant wait to hear about what YOUR version looks like Biggrin

caninelover's picture

Yeah they are not able to communicate in words.  They will send inappropriately long texts and emails because that way, they don't have to hear anyone else's side of the story.  Very immature.

CLove's picture

LOL. Not having bios this hit me as funny and appropriate with Feral Forger SD21. I heard this somewhere on a parenting article. As a teenager it always mystified me when she would do this weird growling noise when she was angry. Kind of gutteral. Or the silence. Or a heavy sigh with the rolling of eyes to the back of the head.

SD14 Munchkin is VERY vocal and chatty. When I correct her with word choices she appreciates it because it gives words to her emotions. That linguistic tool is what I got from this board, oddly enough. And what I can give to Munchkin...and what Feral Forger and Toxic Troll severely lack.

Instead of saying things like "that hurt me, that frustrates me, that angers me" you get this rage or a plethora of unimaginative insults and threats.

There is no sense of discourse and discussion. One-sided anger outlets. I told Munchkin "thats being an emotional dumpster and you dont need that".

 

caninelover's picture

Yep Bratty does that too.  She doesn't seem to understand that it is not appropriate at AGE 23!!

SMto2's picture

This is pure insanity. I sure hope your DH apologized after you dropped Bratty off at the airport. Sounds like she's either extremely malicious or just not right. 

caninelover's picture

I don't think she's malicious.  She is mentally ill with a possible personality disorder.  So in a way she is doing the best she is capable of but her capability level is severly immature - probably has an emotional working age of 10 or 11.