Bratty McBratFace was un-invited then re-invited to her Aunt's house
SO and I are getting married this summer (eloping) but having a reception in the midwest for family and a few close friends. Bratty is invited and RSVP'd yes for herself and her plus one, Nutter GF. We were going to stay a few days after the reunion in AirBnB's after for a short family reunion for SO's clan (my family is heading out after the reception is over).
Bratty had wanted to stay even longer (her birthday is the same week and her and Nutter GF wanted to spend a long weekend in Chicago to celebrate). So Bratty reached out to her Aunt Sally (who lives in the area and cares for SO's 88 year old mother, Grandma McBratFace). Aunt Sally originally said yes a few weeks ago. Fine, all is good. I was pleased Bratty would not be staying in a house with us.
Last week SO and I were in the area to visit Grandma McBratFace and finalize a few things with our reception venue. SO told me Aunt Sally had sent Bratty an Easter card and basically uninvited Bratty from staying with her, but offered money for Bratty to stay at a motel. She gave no real reason other than the plans for the reunion were getting 'complex'. Um, huh? I was wondering if the obnoxious email Bratty sent just before easter was the real cause. I told SO her should ask Sally while we were there. It would be one thing if she said no upfront. But saying yes, then no requires some sort of explanation.
SO did speak to Sally and she indicated that since Bratty and Nutter would not have a rental car she didn't want to drive them around everywhere, especially since Grandma McBratFace no longer drives and Sally takes her everywhere. SO said we would have a car so we could take them to the reunion events and they would be on their own after (Uber or train to Chicago). That seemed to satisfy Sally so for now it seems Bratty is re-invited to stay there.
In other Bratty news, she has suddenly started to be nice to me in the last month or so. Made a nice comment on my FB page when I posted for my birthday and on the last family Zoom call she actually asked me if our visit with Grandma McBratFace was going well. Usually she says nothing to me and gives me an occasional stink eye. So - I'm pretty sure she is buttering me up for a future visit. Place your bets, folks...
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Aunt Sally
Aunt Sally has her hands full and can't and shouldn't have to handle visitors. I was young and clueless once so I understand that people dont grasp what care of an elderly person involves. I say this even tho my stb99 mom is in a great long-term place. I'm happy that my brothers and nephew visit from out of town but I have no desire or ability to hostess anyone. Visiting Mom twice weekly, calling twice daily, running her errands, handling her finances and interfacing with her caregivers takes up all the time Im not spending with DH84 and his issues, taking care of my house and coping with SD60.
My brothers and nephew are pretty good about arranging their own lodging and transportation but their visits always involve extra effort for me somehow. It's worth it for Mom's sake but I certainly understand Aunt Sally's position.
P.S. I hope everyone sincerely thanks her each time for her care of Grandma, that means a lot.
Yep
And Bratty sure is clueless...but Aunt Sally should have said no upfront. The wishy-washiness is completely on her.
Yes we do all thank and appreciate her very much - when SO and I visited we stayed an extra day than needed to allow her to take a full day off of caregiving duties to see a show with her partner, and they even stayed overnight at a nearby hotel! And - I cooked dinner for Grandma McBratFace, as well as Sally and her partner, for Mother's Day. Grandma's favorite - Chicken Marsala with green beans, mashed sweet potatoes and peach cobbler for dessert. All from scratch. They all loved it
Excellent!
You get it. Now, if only Bratty does...
Wishful thinking
But either way, Sally will figure out that next time...just say no to clueless snowflakes LOL.
Omg. Mashed sweet potatoes.
Omg. Mashed sweet potatoes. DS30 and his wife are vegan, and I wanted to make a rich, flavorful xmas dinner, so I included mashed sweet pototatoes. My mom was a terrible cook, so I didn't know I liked them. The recipe I found was fantastic, everyone loved them. They're a superfood, so I make them a lot now.
Me too
Love them. One trick I've learned is to include one or two Russet potatoes and mash them all together. It definitely lightens up the dish, otherwise mashed sweet potatoes can turn out a bit dense and stringy.
Yum!
Don't Boil Them
I tried making them years ago, and they just came out so-so.
Then I found this:
https://media.npr.org/programs/morning/features/2006/nov/test_kitchen/sw...
When you let them steam slowly on low temp, they produce their own moisture as they break down. For the vegan version, I used coconut cream and miyoko's butter, and 1 tablespoon water.
Try replacing the water with
Try replacing the water with lime juice
Yum
I would but SO hates limes...sounds lovely though.
Steaming
I hadn't tried that, I boiled them. I may try this next time!
My Bet Is She Wants Something
That was the only time DHs kids were "nice" to me....when they needed ME to benefit THEIR lives.
And like JRI said, I can understand Sally's position. Probably Bratty did not initially tell Sally she would not have a car. I wouldn't want that responsibility either. My DH is showing some aging issues....amping up my need to "care" for and "watch" him. I could see where something like this invite...while well meaning....could become overwhelming when details begin to come to light. Glad it all worked out!
Congrats on the wedding!!!
Thanks
And yeah, she wants something...my guess is a visit. There is an event in early June that she likes to go to in our area. It was virtual the last 2 years but will be happening live this year.
Not sure if Bratty mentioned not having a rental car
But I think Aunt Sally would have assumed that. She asked us a couple of times how long Bratty was thinking of staying so Bratty did her usual BS of not providing specifics. SO was going to reach out to Bratty this week and tell her to finalize dates for her visit.
Suggestion
You might urge SO to get more specific with Bratty when he calls. I'm sure as a young person she doesn't understand. Perhaps SO can discusses the daily difficulties Aunt Sally faces, the responsibility, the need to be specific about dates so Aunt S can plan ahead. I'd lay it on thick about not being an extra burden, giving some help, like watching Grandma so Aunt S can go out. I dont get the impression that Bratty is evil, just looking for free lodging without understanding her possible impact.
He wont
He'll do something basic like tell her to confirm dates but he won't get too specific otherwise. It drives me nuts because that is why Bratty is clueless to begin with but that is where I back off...not my circus, not my monkey and not worth an argument with SO as he thinks Bratty is more considerate than she actually is.
Bratty!
Gosh darn how I have missed these updates.
My bet she wants to visit soon like you said. Transparent Bratty :)
Hmmmmm
You did mention that her birthday is soon after your wedding reception. Perhaps she would like a party and lots of gifts to celebrate all her wonderfulness. She might even think that you guys might plan and pay for it too. You know just tag on to your wedding reception for a few minor additional costs. After all the guests are already there.
LOL
Actually we are having a 'July birthday' celebratiion but it's a simple barbecue in a park and two days after our reception. There are 3 people in his family with July birthdays so just a generic party for all (including Grandma McBratFace, who turns 89). I did help SO fInd a place that makes vegan bday cakes and he ordered one (and paid for it himself) for July that we'll pick up the day of.
I'm not getting Bratty diddly squat for her birthday though and don't really care how it looks.