My anger is starting to take over
I am feeling some resentment and some anger. Actually I am feeling very ANGRY. And very used. And very hurt. And very stepped on. And very taken for granted.
I want to scream some things. Like for one God isn't going to do this for you. YOU HAVE TO NUTT UP and take control. You can rely on him to help you through things but HE isn't going to do this shit for you. I am furious that every time I try to bring something important up I get the I'm leaving it up to God just gotta pray about it. Ok I pray. I love my God and I am a religious person. BUT I do not rely on God to get things done in my life. I believe that FREE WILL is where this comes into place.
I am about to crawl right out of my skin and SCREAM about a few things and so this is why i LOVE This sight EVEN if some people rag me out for how I feel or if they disagree ever so politely. Here is my rant for today.
I am SUPER pist off that you (SO) drag your gosh darn feet every time BABY MAMA won't answer her phone so we can get SS3. If it were ME trying to see my child I would go down kicking and screaming to get my child on MY scheduled time.
I am proud of you for seeing your attorney. BUT you must do more then just see your attorney YOU MUST FOLLOW through or this is a WASTE of OUR money. I am disgusted with how you cower to such a bitch of an ex wife who clearly feels she is entitled to every fucking penny we have.
I have decided that after last week I don't care anymore. Your drama is YOURS. I will NOT partake in giving a rats ass on what goes on with either of the baby mama's. If the skids come they come if they don't they don't. It will be your issue to deal with later in life when they blame you for not trying hard enough.
You are weak. You have made me feel unappreciated.
I feel like I have put forth so much effort to keep things afloat. Paying for every single bill in OUR household while you pay for everyone else to live. I am stressing how I yes I stress the word "I" am going to feed all our kids when skids come this summer. They eat everything in their sight 24-7. I will not be able to keep food in our house. I do NOT make enough to provide food for 4 kids. I do not know how I am going to do this.
I WILL NOT PAY FOR ANOTHER GAMING SYSTEM SO SKIDS CAN JUST TAKE YET ANOTHER ONE BACK TO BM's house. They already have playstations, Wii's, the newest generation of Ipod's. Not to mention phones with internet and apps.
I will no longer support everyone. I am all for 50/50 in a relationship but I am doing 100%. I am going to take care of me and mine and you are taking care of yours. If you can't tell that bitch NO then I will not be a part of it. I will NO longer give a shit when you cry to me about how she will be mean to you if you don't go put that extra 20, 50 or 100 in her bank account for this or for that. YOU are allowing her to do this to you. I will NOT allow her to do this to me.
I make barely above minimum wage. I'm not going to go out and get a second job and miss all my son's activities so we can give her more and more money. THAT IS ASSNINE! I'm NOT DOING IT! I'm not the one who can't say no. I'm not the one trying to over compensate (for what I have yet to understand). She is the one who cheated on you not once but SEVERAL times, she is the one who walked out on you. She is the one who left all the cars, the morgage and all the doctor bills and credit card bills. WHY the hell can't you nutt up and say NO? I am done.
Hell I'm even contemplating telling you to take the skids to your parents house for the summer because I CAN'T afford to feed them or keep finding activities to entertain them through out the day. And if I were to be 100% honest with myself and everyone. I would feel relieved to not have to hear SS11 WHINE like a two year old every fifteen minutes. And I do mean a loud shrieking whine every fifteen minutes because he wants something. My son and I could have our home back. Where there is ONLY one TV because that's all I can afford. I won't have to watch SPONGEBOB or MICKEY MOUSE on repeat for three months straight.
I feel sad feeling this way. But I have been left with no other choice. YOU asked me to marry you over a YEAR Ago and you put me on hold for SS17 so she could adjust.... well it's been over a year. I don't think this is about adjusting at all. I told you I was going to call off the wedding until you could figure shit out. And you still haven't figured shit out? Afraid SD17 will hate you forever. Well buddy you're about to loose the one person in this world who has been there for you and supported you financially and emotionally for some time now. And for what? Because you are putting BM and SS17 ahead of the woman you "love".
Well to that I say BULLSHIT!
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Butterfly - can I just say
Butterfly - can I just say that paying for things you cannot afford to, while OH continues to give BM money over ensuring he is able to provide for his children, his partner, his home is enabling him to continue doing this.
I appreciate why you are doing it. As you love him, what you support your home and family but what is OH doing while you are doing this? Handing out the cash to BM?
I think you need to TELL OH that you are not paying for groceries over the summer as you are unable to. You are happy to provide for your own children and yourself but sadly you feel you cannot continue to do so for skids, due to the issues you mentioned already. It is NOT your sole responsibility to struggle and worry over ensuring you have food on the table, junk food for the skids and a roof over your heads while OH continues to whine about BM's money grabbing ways which he is enabling. Thats on him. I would also tell him you will not be providing or organising activities for the skids either (btw that doesnt mean you dont for your own kids, they shouldnt miss out because you dont want OH to get antsy about that).
God can only give you so many opportunities to put your sense to good practice. Like if you pray for more patience, I believe HE provides the opportunity to put this in motion. Same goes for when someone is taking advantage, and this can be applied to both you AND OH.
I did all the paperwork, did
I did all the paperwork, did all the "legal" digging for him got all his phone records from the cell company to prove he calls the 2nd baby mama EVERY thurs to see if we can get SS3. But what happens is she will call give him some bullshit excuse as to why they ignored his call or didn't call back then he goes into God mode and leaves it up to God. I have printed out schedule after schedule for him to mail to her certified.... have any of them been mailed? NOPE. Then I stress this? Why am I stressing? It's not my 3 year old. It's not me the 3 year old will come seeking later in life with all the questions and anger. My SO is so in the clouds that he actually thinks that just because SS3 has his last name he will "know" he loves him and wanted time with him. HELLO are you FREAKEN KIDDING ME?
I just emotionally cant handle this stress anymore. These are not my issues. And if he continues to abuse my love he will find himself back at his mothers. When BM left him he was so far in debt he lost everything and had to move back home. Well I am more then just a place to crash And I deserve more. I just find myself stressing HIS issues with HIS kids. And I can't do it anymore. I need to find happy again.
All I want to do is grab both Baby Mama's by their hair and tell them you are NOT entitled to his every penny. They are VAMPIRES. And he is that poor little wimpy girl who can't say no. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I have tried to get DH to talk to our pastor, he says sure then like ME that gets put on a back burner. Because of course I will get over it. I "know" he loves me that's enough......
Every single time I bring up something he won't talk. I do all the talking. Then he changes the subject or leaves the room or tries to explain his reasons. They aren't reasons they are EXCUSES.
There sure is. We are suppose
There sure is. We are suppose to have him the first weekend of the month and the third. She was only answering on Thursdays. And now we can't even get her to do that. And if we do get a return call it's her new husband. Did the judge say what happens if no call back? I mean do you drag them back into court... see this is why I can't stress this shit anymore. Because I already know if I say this to my SO he won't follow through with anything. He will continue letting her or her husband make crazy excuses. One time we were half way there to the meeting point... mind you that's two hours into our drive. The husband called to say they weren't going to make it because one of the girls fell down and hurt her leg and all the kids were just too upset to get in the car... IT WAS A SCRATCH. And my SO just said ok and we turned around. OMG this is why I am so flustered. And that's only ONE of the BM's...... on top of the SS17 issues.
Yes I have two. One is 6hrs
Yes I have two. One is 6hrs away the other 4hrs away. One calls non stop for the extra money the other won't return calls. One is the mom of SS3 and the other is SS11, SS13 and SD17 mom. He called me here at work today to complain. I just said uh huh yeah uh huh yeah. I just don't want to hear it anymore. Like my dad always said, "SHIT or get off the pot!"
Butterfly - can I just say
Butterfly - can I just say that paying for things you cannot afford to, while OH continues to give BM money over ensuring he is able to provide for his children, his partner, his home is enabling him to continue doing this.
I appreciate why you are doing it. As you love him, what you support your home and family but what is OH doing while you are doing this? Handing out the cash to BM?
I think you need to TELL OH that you are not paying for groceries over the summer as you are unable to. You are happy to provide for your own children and yourself but sadly you feel you cannot continue to do so for skids, due to the issues you mentioned already. It is NOT your sole responsibility to struggle and worry over ensuring you have food on the table, junk food for the skids and a roof over your heads while OH continues to whine about BM's money grabbing ways which he is enabling. Thats on him. I would also tell him you will not be providing or organising activities for the skids either (btw that doesnt mean you dont for your own kids, they shouldnt miss out because you dont want OH to get antsy about that).
God can only give you so many opportunities to put your sense to good practice. Like if you pray for more patience, I believe HE provides the opportunity to put this in motion. Same goes for when someone is taking advantage, and this can be applied to both you AND OH.
Sorry for some reason
Sorry for some reason whenever I am posting tonight, it is double posting everything but not consecutively. Weird.
I think all you can do is
I think all you can do is distance yourself from these problems. You are taking on too much, because you care and want to help.
Your OH is an avoider and very much like my DH will only often see reason when he is confronted with action over words.
So if BM obstructs access and OH capitulates, take a deep breath, vent on here but say nothing. Repeat to yourself "its not my business, its up to OH..." then try and focus on the positives of NOT having the skids. It helps with reducing your blood pressue.
Let him be accountable for all of the paperwork, fighting, work in generally surrounding his kids and the BM. Stop helping him fight his battles because from where I am sitting he has quit and is allowing you to burn yourself out from running around. All its doing for you is making you resentful and miserable.
If OH has a crap relationship with his children as a result, well thats on his head. He is a big boy and has a brain, two hand and a mouth. This is his responsibility, so allow him to OWN it.
You are all so right. It
You are all so right. It makes me teary. My anger turns to tears. Because In my heart I know the truth. I fear if I do not distance myself I'm going to EXPLODE. HE always asks what is wrong but I have learned to not answer honestly. Why? Because it goes unheard. It is in one ear and out the other. And I'm tired of voicing things that go unheard.
Tell him this story: The Lord
Tell him this story:
The Lord Will Save Me
It rained for days and days and there was a terrific flood. The water rose so high that one man was forced to climb on top of his roof and sat in the rain. As the waters came up higher a man in a rowboat came up to the house and told him to get in. "No thank you, the Lord will save me!" he said, and the man in the rowboat rowed away.
The waters rose to the edge of the roof and still the man sat on the roof until another rowboat came by and another man told him to get in. "No thank you, the Lord will save me!" he said again, and the man rowed away.
The waters covered the house and the man was forced to sit on his chimney as the rain poured down and a helicopter came by and another man urged him to get in or he'll drown. "No thank you," the man said again, "The Lord will save me!"
After much begging and pleading the man in the helicopter gave up and flew away. The waters rose above the chimney and the man drowned and went to heaven where he met God.
"Lord, I don't understand," he told Him, frustrated, "The waters rose higher and higher and I waited hours for you to save me but you didn't! Why?"
The Lord just shook his head and said, "What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter?!"
Did it every occur to your
Did it every occur to your asshat dh that God is answering his prayers by having you help him? Does he think God is going to slap BM Himself? Seriously, God answers prayers through people. He isn't going to just grab SS3 into Heaven and drop him on your SO every other Friday, is He?
I know right? Maybe I'm the
I know right? Maybe I'm the answer... but that would be too simple. How could I be the answer? I'm causing issues for him and SS17. So I must not be the answer for anything. Except to reassure him, help him, listen to him and be there for him.
He was angry at me last night.. for what I have no idea. Went to bed at 7:45. No goodnight no nothing. I get an 11pm call from my daughter who is in turmoil with her father (ongoing for 10 years now) and I'm trying like mad to help her figure out how to reach her dad so he understands which then puts me in tears because nobody wants to hear their child say they aren't good enough for a parent. Do you think my SO would get off his ass and come reassure me that I'm doing the right thing by what I am telling her to do or helping her to see? Oh hell no he gets up turns on the fan so he can't hear me cry.
My eyes are so swollen from everyone else's "daddy" and "kid" issues that I can barely open them this morning. Look like I was in a bar fight and I lost....