So what do you think she wants?
Here are the background bullet points. 18.5SD dropped out of high school to move in with her much older BF last year.(we had EOW, not custody). Lots of drug use by SD and her BF. BF operates a head shop in nearby city and specializes in making "pipes" and bongs.. No drivers license. No job. Very, very limited contact with DH from ages 15 to present. After last minute communication christmas eve, SD and loser BF came to Christmas at MIL's, came high, no presents for anyone, since SD didn't communicate till last minute, limited presents given to her. No contact with DH since Christmas. Blew off DH's b-day, FIL bday and one other family party this year so far (MIL emails her about each event, DH and I are done and do not reach out any longer). SD sent the following emails to MIL this week who sent them on to us. What do you think SD is after? My guess is she is going for heart string tug and then money ask. I would not answer they way MIL did, but I don't desire any relationship with SD and MIL does (SD is only grandchild and that status will not change)
Thought from STers?
SD:
Is the whole family mad at me?
MIL:
I don't think so. You've just sorta dropped out and seemed not interested in us. We've just been giving you the space you seemed to want.
SD:
I feel like you all don't seem interested in talking to me since I dropped out. And it makes me very sad.
MIL:
We all love you very much and are very interested in your well-being. We were all dismayed to learn that you had dropped out of high school. You were not forthcoming with information about why you dropped out or what your plans were. You had not told us where you were living or anything else about yourself. We didn't want to be in you face and nag you because we thought that you would eventually tell us what was going on - that hasn't happened.
Your education is very important in that without even a high school diploma your employment opportunities are very limited. We would like to talk to you about what your options are at this point in your life but it seems to be a topic you don't want to talk to us about. We don't know what you want to do or what we should say or do to help.
What goals do you have? Do you plan to get a GED? Do you plan to get a driver license? Do you plan to get some other education or training? Are you currently employed?
It's hard to be independent and self-supporting without education or skills.
Let us know what's happening in your life.
We all love you very much!!
So far SD has not responded further (or MIL has not sent them on)...... Likely to be continued. The other shoe is always out there waiting to drop unfortunately. Why can't we ever be done?
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I hope the other shoe isn't a
I hope the other shoe isn't a baby. That's my biggest fear with our SD18.
Crap! I was thinking just
Crap! I was thinking just money, now I'll have that worry floating around in my head too! Disasterfor her, but DH and are solid on being done. The last 8 years have been unbearable with SD. That one might work on MIL but I don't need to be a step-grandma ever but especially at 31.
f'n great. sd will use mil
f'n great. sd will use mil as her foothold to sneak back in. glad you & dh are solid on this. but if your mil is anything like my mil, she will be pounding dh relentlessly with guilt until he caves and welcomes sd back...
Voice of experience here....
Voice of experience here.... she has HUGE regrets. HUGE!
My daughter finished High School and moved in with her loserBF amd probably got pregnant on the night of graduation. I refused to budge and 'celebrate' her pregnancy or domestic situation. Apparently I was supposed to agree and 'celebrate' with every choice Miss 18 and Know Everthing made or did.
We had a very tenuous relationship up to and including the birth of my grand daughter. But then something clicked and she realised the life she was living was going nowhere in the fast lane. 18 mths later she was moving out and back with us and starting her life all over again.
She asked me EXACTLY the same questions.. "why is everyone mad at me?" and EVERYONE responded the same way your MIL did. Which, is awesome and truthful. They know she is better than this and damnit grandma will tell her. Grandma knows she is a smart girl and still loves her but her behaviour is not acceptable.
I bet you she is coming to find out everyones life goes on and things change and peple have fun... without her. She is missing out.
PS: The only time I gave my DD money when she was in self imposed exile is when she needed a script filled for her daughter and I took the script to the pharmacy and paid for it. No actual cash changed hands.
Yup, she is trying to wrangle her way back into the family. and the only way this will happen is if she gets her act together.
She is most likely after
She is most likely after money and/or a place to live. She needs/wants something only you can provide...been through this with my FDH's adult brats (18, 19, 22). They only text/email when they want something/cash. He stopped doing that a year ago. They barely contact him now, but when they really get desperate they will pull the "poor me syndrome." Currently, they need: tires for a car, car insurance payment, a cell phone and service, and possibly a plane ticket. None of which is going to happen. So they act all sad and then they rage/get nasty. It is a distinct pattern. Which is why I don't have any contact with them and they are not coming to the wedding.
Your SD is after something, and I can pretty much guarantee she is going to lay on the sadness and guilt trips-this is probably just the beginning (depends on what she actually wants). She may be quiet for a little bit for "dramatic effect" thinking you will contact her-we deal with that, too.