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Anyone regret disengaging?

bronx mom's picture

Submitted by bronx mom on Wed, 08/21/2013 - 2:22pm

I am pretty much disengaged, which feels great after all the time I spent worrying about my stepkid situation. I feel so much better. The whole situation was just so toxic, and out of my control. Both my stepkids and their mom appear to be delusional.

I do wonder if I will regret it one day.... when they are truly adults (they are 18 and 20 now) and I don't get to enjoy their companionship, or if they ever have kids. My own stepmother used to annoy me tremendously-- but now we are pretty close.

Anyone ever regret disengaging?

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elvis1's picture

Submitted by elvis1 on Wed, 08/21/2013 - 2:27pm

it's the only thing that has kept me sane. Before I did it I frequently wondered if I was just as bad/crazy as he made me feel......

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Wed, 08/21/2013 - 2:30pm

The only regret I have is the gap it put between DH and I.

The fighting about his kids stopped.
The fighting about BM stopped.

In order to disengage, I removed myself from situations that involved SS\SD\DH decisions and general discipline.

Sometimes I have to leave the room in order to tune them out when they are doing things that should be corrected. Sometimes I go do my own thing alone (read outside, run errands, spend the weekend with my girls elsewhere for fun)

A lot of the ways to remove myself from the situations means I remove myself from being with DH when his kids are there. So it puts a gap, a gap that wasn't there before.

Skids are 13 and 8 right now. I don't know how large the gap will get or if it will just remain like it is now or shrink at this point. But there is a gap that wasn't there before.