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Smothering, or normal committed parenting?

bronx mom's picture

My StepDD (20) is studying acting in college, and she's in a production later this month. There are 4 performance. DH asked me when I wanted to go, and I asked "well, it depends.... when is BM not going? I'll go then." (There is some bad blood and I have no interest in co-mingling.)

Answer: she is attending all 4 performances.

To me, this is just an insanely over-the-top degree of over-identification, smothering, etc.

My Dh responded to my muttering that she is just bleeping insane that if my own children were plays I would also attend every performance, to which I responded-- um, no. Because that's insane.

Anyway, just venting. I guess I should grow up and quietly attend a performance.


Azure's picture

I can honestly say that if that were one of my bio-sons, I don't think I would attend all 4 performances....Definately 1 and maybe 2. But most likely not 4. It does seem a little over the top.

zerostepdrama's picture

Who cares how many performances she attends. It's a free world and she can attend all 4 if she wants. Not trying to be a bitch just trying to understand why you would even focus on this.

bronx mom's picture

It's just in line with her constant monopolizing of these kids, and it annoys me-- and this is a place to vent, right?

zerostepdrama's picture

Yes you can vent but I am asking you why it bothers you or why do you let it bother you?

It's her child, is there a limit on how many times she can watch the performance?

Sometimes "venting" is just an excuse to focus on every little thing that BM (or whoever) does that You (using a general term here) doesnt like. Then we wonder why we have so much misery and drama and complications in our lives. Because we worry so much what everyone else does or wants to do or is doing or whatever.

SituationalTourettes's picture

You have every right to vent and sorry but I don't understand why some people make it a point to try to criticize or shame someone when it's their post. Just don't comment then. Sorry, mini rant over.

Go to whatever performance fits your schedule. Your SS is TWENTY. If it was an elementary school or middle school performance, yeah, okay, I can see going to every one. But she's college age, that's a little goofy to me.

In any case, I agree w the one poster who said go to a performance, look gorgeous and completely ignore BM. Hopefully your seats won't be anywhere near her.

You have your reasons for not liking or disapproving of BM. Trust me, I have same problem with my FDH's ex. Do what's best for YOU. Hope you have fun Smile