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O/T Fed up w/SO

borrowedtime83's picture

Don't even know where to begin with this little tale, but hopefully it makes sense. SO has been out of work since, oh, around Christmas. He has spent all the money that he was supposed to pay in for his taxes on his share of the bills, plus pocketed and spent the money that we got when my co-worker rear ended my car on new year's eve. He helped my sister and her husband out with a job for maybe a week back in January. But other than that he has been on the couch watching Netflix and playing Skyrim or other various video games. He claims he is "trying" to find work on one hand, but then claims that he "won't take a job from Craigslist" because posters won't pay "his rate" for jobs, and checking in with other guys he knows seeing if they need help. I don't know how he thinks that cuts it when he is the "Owner" of his business and has none of his own business! So this week, my boss is in Aruba, which means I am off work with no pay for a week, but I got my tax money back, so I bought walls for our shower and a new dishwasher and tried to get a few things done around the house. Then last night while I am sitting in the tub he decides to tell me he "doesn't know how the mortgage is getting paid this month." So I looked at him and said "So does that mean you are asking me to pay it and now it's my responsibility?" He said no and walked away. Then today I did a few things on my laptop, walked upstairs to grab a load of laundry, come back to the living area and the bill for the mortgage is sitting on top of my laptop. I was like "WTF? You just leave bills on my computer now?" Long story short is he expected me to pay it all along and didn't have the balls to ask me to my face (still hasn't). What made me angrier is he WAITED until I bought some things for the house, then started beating around the bush about not having money for the house note. I am SO mad at him and just wanna smack him right now, don't even know how to deal with such behavior... SMDH

Comments

Cocoa's picture

well, the only way you can deal with free-loading behavior is treat him as if he IS a free-loader. i'm assuming the house isn't in your name? i'd leave it for him to pay. you'll have to be (i think) around 3 months delinquent before they will forclose. use that time to save $$ to get yourself an apartment and ditch his ass. you can do bad on your own, can't you?

hereiam's picture

Don't let him use you as his safety net. He's not taking jobs because he doesn't feel he has to - he has you.

He should be taking any job he can for any amount of money. Cut him loose.

Disneyfan's picture

If it isn't your house, give the bill right back to him and let him know you're moving out.

If it's your house, pay the bill and put his sorry ass out.

Just J's picture

Ooh I have been where you are and it's not fun! My sympathies. 3 years ago, my hubby sold his business so we could move to another county where it's cheaper and eventually planned to buy our own home. He made a nice profit off the sale and it was intended to be our down payment. But after quitting the job he got after he sold the business (I didn't blame him, he hated it with a passion and truthfully it wasn't going to work out in the long run with our schedules and where we moved to), he sat on the couch all day while I worked 5 nights a week and we drained $2,500 a month out of our savings account to pay our rent and bills. Six months later, after not really looking for a job and complaining about how there was nothing out there for him, and contemplating becoming an over the road truck driver (which would have been horrible), he lucked out and was able to buy another business (the same as what he was doing before) and we managed to stay afloat until he built it back up again, but the proceeds from the sale, our nice little nest egg, was all but gone and we're still renters. Things are much better now, his business is flourishing and I finally have a job that I make decent money at, and we're hoping to buy a house next year, but it was a long, tough road and we argued A LOT. There's nothing worse than arguing about finances. If I had it to do over again, I would have really gotten on him and told him I don't give a fuck how little money you bring in, you need to get your ass off our couch and bring in SOMETHING! Something would have been better than nothing and your hubby needs to adopt that attitude also. It's stupid that he won't take jobs that don't pay "his rate" because doing nothing he is making NO rate! That makes zero sense. As for your mortgage, I'd give him back the statement and tell him you don't care how he does it, he needs to figure out a way to at least make enough to pay that this month, and then figure out something long term because you cannot and will not support him 100%. Your relationship is a partnership, you are not his mother and he needs to contribute anything he can. It's BS of him to think it's an all or nothing situation, that if he can't make what he was making he should just make nothing.

Sorry you are going through this. Hope you can get him to pull his head out of his butt and deal with the situation.

misSTEP's picture

I don't know what is wrong with some men, these days.

Can you imagine your grandfathers being such lazy POS that they would sit at home and expect the woman to take all the financial responsibilities on?

What an idiot. And for him to not even be MAN enough to tell you to your FACE that he needs you to cover the mortgage? He lacks maturity AND balls.

Jsmom's picture

DO NOT PAY THIS! THis is his problem. If you are not on the house mortgage, it is not your responsibility. Also, why spend your money fixing his house...You are blowing through any next egg you would have to leave his lazy ass.

Delilah's picture

You know what? I was out of work for a good 18 months plus due to redundancy, ill health and the economy. During that time I took 6 months out because I was sick and unable to work unfortunately. Throughout this time I took it upon myself to do 95% of the housework and ensured I did everything for DH I could and used some of my money to pay part of our bills every month (i.e. including dinner on table when he got in and getting him refreshments throughout the evening. When I WAS able to work again, I discussed what jobs I could do with my medical probs and started scouring part time posts - applying for many jobs per week.

It was tough, I had many interviews and got rejected over and over again. Once I did get a position I took a hit on my salary however never did I take advantage of my DH like your OH is you. I also ensured I monitored all our finances carefully and communicated openly with DH over these.

Your OH is a big boy and while I appreciate it IS tough to have to reduce your rates than what you previously would have asked/had, something IS better than nothing, besides which there is nothing wrong with your OH so he has no excuse. On top of that he has a brain and mouth, he may be embarassed and shamed having to rely on his woman to pay the mortgage hence the fact he did not tell you he was unable to make this responsibility BUT to stand back and say nothing when you purchased items for the house is irresponsible and fucking ridiculous. He also isn't THAT ashamed of having to rely on you that he is rushing out anytime soon to get a job to cover your household expenses.

YOU need to be firmer and clearer of your expectations. The economy is bad, but he needs to stop being a self pitying pussy and get right back in there. He also needs to have the balls to talk to your face BEFORE you find yourself broke and the bills havent been paid, as you are not frigging psychic. In all seriousness if my DH did that I would FREAK and start making some serious changes otherwise you may find yourself in this situation in 6 months, a year...

bi's picture

what a loser. it sounds like you are married to my 33 year old brother. he used to be in the parking lot of my workplace (back when i was making pretty good money) every payday morning wanting money. he wasn't willing to do more than be a cashier. i was slaving away for 40 or more hours in a factory every week. i am a cashier now, but that's because we can afford for me to do that. if i had to get something else, i would. not him. he said he's "not going to be a slave to the 40 hour week". hmm. but he expects to get the fruits of my labor for being a slave to the 40 hour week! he lost his job for fucking off and missing too much time last april. here it is 11 months later and he STILL isn't doing anything. has no desire to. he is perfectly content to do nothing. he even told me he's not worried about because he has family around here. like he thinks we all will just open our doors to him and support him while he does nothing.

he didn't care about his daugthers bday last year, he didn't care about Christmas. he said to me in nov that he was gonna have to find something, even if it was just mcdonalds, to get thru the holidays, but of course he never did it. he's a loser and i honestly can't stand him. he has always expected the world handed to him on a silver platter. we grew up with a worthless mom and worthless sf who never worked, just sucked the system dry, it's not like we were spoiled, so i really don't know where he got that attitude, but then again, my welfare career mother thinks the same way. :? he said once years ago that he was NOT going to buy someone's used car, if he couldn't buy a brand new one, he wasn't getting one. yeah, that's realistic. i asked him how he intended to get anywhere. "i'll just get rides from people". yup. once again, he thinks everyone is in a hurry to serve him.

i'm sure he is the adult version of a few people's POS ss's on here!

snowdrop's picture

"hereiam on Fri, 03/08/2013 - 1:26pm.

Don't let him use you as his safety net. He's not taking jobs because he doesn't feel he has to - he has you."

I agree!!!! that's crap! how is he paying to care for his kids, are you having to help out with that too? It's not clear to me if you're married or not but if not then let him financially deal. Save your money or spend it on you. Don' spend it on the house or something that benefits him!