FDH ended it with me
FDH has been making more of an effort to spend time quality time with me i.e No Sd. Things are good when she's not in the house but when she gets home, everything is about her.
I became pregnant before new years. Needless to say I was excited because this was my first pregnancy. I told FDH that I did not want people knowing until after the first few weeks. But he went ahead and told SD. Needless to say I was pissed but I didn't let it get to me. A little human was growing inside of me. Sd did not take to to well but she still congratulated me. I thanked her but it was quite obvious she wasn't happy.
Three weeks in I had a spontaneous abortion and lost it. I was crushed. FDH was shattered. Sd was acting like she didn't care. It did not bother her one bit. As a result, I've been diagnosed with depression. My tolerance for BS is at an all time low, some days I sleep over 10 hours while other I barley sleep 3. Lately I just don't have the energy to get out of bed. I am seeing a therapist and I'm on medication. I feel as though I'm in a fog and my doctor said it will take a few weeks for the medication to start working.
Anything about Sd irritates me. It's not her fault but with how she always craves FDH attention ALL THE DAM TIME. She is 16 years old, attractive, smart, popular. Go out with your friends once in a while!! I'm cordial with her but that's the extent of it.
My mother gave me this decorative plate that has been passed down from my greatmother to grandmother to mother and then to myself. It's beautiful. Sd is somewhat accident prone and SHE KNOWS NOT TO TOUCH my plate. It sits in the family room above the fire place on a stand. Well she picked it up and I had come downstairs to get water and I asked her what she was doing. She got startled and she let go of it and it was smashed. I went red..... It was almost a blind rage. I did overreact. I said things that I shouldn't have. Being a 16 year old, she goes on me saying I need anger mangement and it's no wonder I lost my baby........... Common sense went out of the window for a few seconds and I'm not proud of what I said. I told her that Bm's ex-fiancé was right about her being a biggest mistake FDH and BM made. I regretted it the second I said it. The look on her face. FDH runs downstairs and asks what's going on and SD told him. He told SD to go to her room and told me to return his engagement ring to him and I have until the end of next week to pack up my stuff and get out of his house without hearing me out or giving me a chance to explain.
I messed up big time for talking to SD like that. I regret it big time. I know I shouldn't have said what I said. It's not her fault that I'm depressed. It's just I feel overhelmed and I feel very isolated. FDH is sleeping in the guest bedroom and SD I believe is asleep. Hence why I'm still up. I can't sleep.
I feel like I just lost everything. First my baby, Now the love of my life
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I'm so sorry about your
I'm so sorry about your miscarriage, that's very hard. I'm sorry too about the end of your relationship, but I think in time, you will be glad he ended it. He's always going to put his daughter first - and while what you said was wrong, it had been clearly building up from a long time of him not addressing anything. His way of ending the relationship was harsh and just goes to show he will never put your first in his life.
He's not the love of your life - there will be others, and hopefully ones who can balance parenting with relationships.
Thank you for your kind words
I feel so hopeless right now. I lost my baby but atleast I still had FDH and now I don't have him.
I honestly don't know how I'm going to face them both in the morning. It hurts knowing that he didn't even give me chance of explain myself either.
Unfortunately for you, most
Unfortunately for you, most people wouldn't give you a chance to explain yourself. I'm pretty sure any one would react the way he did after what you said. You know it was a mistake to say, but now, he knows you feel that way, and that will be very hard to get past.
I am so sorry you're going through all of this, but try to keep that chin up. Make an appointment with your therapist for early this week so you can talk through some things. ::hugs::
I disagree, I would not have
I disagree, I would not have handled it that way, OP, knowing how distraught you were about the miscarriage. Even if I decided to end it, I wouldn't have done it like that, that was really insensitive and uncaring.
I hope some day you realize that you dodged a bullet here, though.
In her previous post, she
In her previous post, she shared that BMs ‘douchebag’ Ex fiancé did the same thing and called it such a low blow but she did it in return? In that post she said it broke her heart but then used that ammunition too? I don’t know. She has some deep unresolved feelings and I just think Dad had the same gut reaction
The kid also said (before she
The kid also said (before she said what she said if I read it right) that she deserved the miscarriage. She’s 16 and knew just what she was doing.
I understand that but two
I understand that but two wrongs don’t make it right. I’m not excusing her husbands behavior but the past explains it. I feel bad for OP. The cards were stacked against her from the beginning, just like the rest of us. I hope she finds peace some day and gets some help through this terrible time.
This kid has been hurt badly
Not just what the mom's ex BF said, but DAD moving away. Of course she felt abandoned. I dont see a lot of sensitiity to that. Of course, I am VERY sorry for OP and her miscarriage, but it sounds like wounds have not heeled.
The man can't get end his
The man can't get end his relationship with his child over her disgusting words. But he can put the breaks on a SO over her words.
Once again it all boils down to unconditional vs conditional love.
Having those words come out of my child's mouth would have sent me into a rage. HOWEVER, it would not change my love for or how I look at my child.
All I'm saying is that he did
All I'm saying is that he did not have to tell her to give back the engagement ring and be out by the end of the week. That was just a dick move.
He could have let things get calm and then approached the OP with sensitivity about his desire to end their relationship and his feeling that it won't work because of the relationship between his child and her.
In the end, he did her an enormous favor, though that will take a while for her to realize.
I agree, his delivery was
I agree, his delivery was horrible.
Completely agree. I think the
Completely agree. I think the result would have been the same but he should have cooled down until they could have a calm conversation.
You dodged a bullet
I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby.
You dodged a bullet with FDH. You learned a powerful lesson when he told SD about the pregnancy even though he knew you wanted it private: that you would NEVER ever be able to tell him anything you didn't want SD to know. Do you want your marriage to be like that?
I'm so sorry for your
I'm so sorry for your troubles. I'm sorry for your plate, too. But there was precedent for this and you knew it, you knew what happend to BM's ex fiance.
In the box on the upper right
In the box on the upper right hand list your previous posts and the first on I see is that you are very close to walking away. I'm sorry about your miscarriage. Your relaionship has been on edge for awhile so when you are away from this situation, you will see clearly that this was not the right relationship to invest the rest of your life with.
I'd get out asap, this next week will be no fun for anyone. Focus on your next move, whether it be with family or friends or into your own place. Do not drag your feet, that will only give them time to heap more abuse on you.
I don’t know where you live,
I don’t know where you live, but most localities have laws that prevent someone from being evicted without proper notification and notice of more than a few days. Legal aid or something similar is often available at no cost.
I thought the same thing - he
I thought the same thing - he can't kick you out by the end of the week. He likely has to give you at least 30 days and possibly more.
Yeah, but do you really want
Yeah, but do you really want to be there?
Psycho kid
this kid is off the chains crazy. She has severe issues. I can promise that broken plate was done purposefully. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby. But getting away from this horrid girl is best. I read the blog and the vile things she said. What a whacko. I’m glad you’ll be away from her. I wouldn’t have wanted this jealous psycho around your child. Hugs to you
Is this girl gunning to get
Is this girl gunning to get her parents back together? Because it seems her drama brings potential SP’s to their breaking points & has effectively ended 2 engagements now.
You shouldn’t have said what you said, but I’ve been through miscarriage & everything that comes along with it. I understand coming unhinged & saying things you don’t mean. She had also just destroyed something that no money can ever replace, and I don’t buy it being an accident.
I think once you get over the grief & loss you’ll realize this was for the best. Your ex & his ex might be stuck with their mistake, but you’re not. (I still think she needs counselling for having such an issue at being an oops. Tons of people were oopsie babies & they don’t walk around wishing people were dead & being so horrible that engagements end over them). You don’t have to ever deal with her again, and thank heavens for that.
Take care of yourself & don’t let him steamroll you.
I think you should be more
I think you should be more upset about losing the plate, instead of the "man".
Deepest condolences on the miscarriage. Please be sure to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.
What the SD said was wrong
What the SD said was wrong and cruel. What the OP said was also wrong and cruel. The way the ex-fiance handled the whole thing was insensitive and unnecessarily cruel. There's plenty of blame to go around here, but bottom line, I think OP dodged a bullet. Grieve your baby and your relationship, and then move on. I doubt this relationship would have worked out in the long run, and you are lucky to have not wasted years finding that out.
Under normal circumstances,
Under normal circumstances, what you said might be unforgivable but when you take into account the entire situation..... it's not.
You just had a miscarriage, you're grieving and depressed. That's going to affect your behavior and anyone should be understanding of that. Also, SD is 16 and, having a good grasp of cause and effect, she broke something she knew she wasn't supposed to be touching and said some pretty nasty and unforgivable things herself. It would be different if she was 6 and didn't really understand what she said but SD is 16 and out for blood.
OP made a mistake but given what she's going thru I don't think it's unforgivable. I'm sorry FDH didn't feel the same. I think he really at least should've heard your side and taken into account what SD said.
So very sorry
for your loss of your baby. As for FDH, I know now it doesnt seem like it but going forward your life will improve. There is no way your marriage would have been smooth. SD was given far too much power. So much so she knew how to get a rise from you, she knew how to hurt you, she also knew that daddeee would take her side. The dysfunction runs deep, it would always be a source of your sorrows.
Time heals. Be kind to yourself, and forgive yourself for what you said. You were cruelly baited at a time where you were in so much pain. Your SD is EVIL, and your FDH is worse. He will never be relationship material, he has given way too much power to his precious DD.
Hugs and best of luck. Keep posting so you can be supported along your journey.
counseling
Please get grief counseling to help you get through this situation.
Here's what I'd do if you
Here's what I'd do if you want to try to reverse this thing. First you must make a stand alone apology -- that is, an apology regardless of whether your relationship continues because it's the right thing to do -- even when you may soon never see these people again, you must show them you're big enough to apologize and you do it well.
Get them together when you're calm, but soon -- he needs to hear you attempt to make this right with SD. Make a heartfelt apology -- the kind of apology you'd want if you were SD. Don't mention the relationship ending, or beg for another chance, just focus on the apology and why you shouldn't have said what you said. You can say why your fuse was short, but WHATEVER YOU DO, don't make it sound like an excuse for your behavior -- just an aggravating factor that pushed you to anger faster than you normally would. Keep it very short and to the point. Then apologize again.
Then start packing.
You did something awful, but not without provocation. Still, your boyfriend can't take a chance that you will ever let loose on SD like that again, so he might still want to end things. Show him you accept his decision. And show him your best, most reasonable self while you pack. Don't fight. Don't cry. Be composed. If you get the chance to speak with him, don't keep repeating what happened -- keep it to the point: you're sorry your words ended the relationshp for him.
Your best save now is how gracefully you apologize and recover. It shows who you are when you screw up and we all screw up, so that might resonate with him. Personally, that's when I judge someone -- not when they make the mistake as much as how they recover from it and how they make amends.
So show them how you do an apology; show them you take responsibility; show them even though the relationship is presumed over, you STILL take responsibility.
Remember, this isn't only about what you did wrong. THis is YOUR chance to judge them too. They may have the upper hand this time because you are the one who did wrong, but what do they do with the upper hand? Are they forgiving people? Can they take an apology (not everyone can)? Does he encourage his daughter to consider your apology or does he just shut you down? How this is handled is how things will be handled when you're married, so use the information to decide if they are the family you want to join.
It's not easy accepting an apology when you still hurt, but accepting it anyway is how good relationships continue. And it says good things about them if they accept.
He and SD are in a position to show you how mistakes (theirs or yours) will be handled by them. Maybe you don't want to be in a relationship where there is no room for mistakes and no forgiveness. Maybe you dont' want to be in a relationship that isn't strong enough to take a huge mistake on anyone's part without someone packing up and moving out. Remember that if you don't get another chance in this relationship -- they demanded perfection that does not exist. Who wants to live with that standard?
I wish you luck and I'm sorry this happened. It might be over for now, but your grace in this situation might win you another chance down the pike when everyone has cooled off. If not, your grace will win you a better man...hopefully one without kids