preparing for being pissed and calling kid out

Well i've spent my 2 nights away this week plus one tonight. So far Sunday night sucked then yesterday i went to dinner with a girlfriend and visited another friend in the hospital with flowers and a card.
Woke up happy this morning and singing with more energy today.

then i got these text messages.

SO: It's a gorgeous week and I'd like to spend time with my gorgeous girlfriend. You're welcome to come over tonight and we can get Taco Tuesday if you're free. I'd still like to dedicate two hours to working on my notes to myself regarding our relationship. Tomorrow or Thurs the three of us can putt putt Would you like me to register SS8 for First Friday Camp at (kids museum)

ME: I have plans tonight but the rest sounds great.
Also I'm meeting (best friend) for a drink after work on Friday but we can join you once you get downtown...we also have counseling Friday so I guess I'll meet (best friend) at 5 back downtown after. Thursday is our couples night so it would need to be Wednesday for putt putt

SO: I know Thursday is couples evening. Putt putt only takes an hour if you could meet us there at 5:30. Do you still prefer Wednesday.

ME: Still prefer Wednesday.

ME:I'm telling you now that if you schedule putt putt for Thursday I'm not seeing you this rest of this week or next. Boundaries around our time not sure how much clearer that can be made. End of discussion.

MAYBE I'm over reacting but this is the exact kinda tit for tat shit that annoys the hell outta me. We decided in JANUARY that every Thursday at 7pm we spend time together ALONE that means that the kid has to be fed and off doing another task like reading to himself at 7 and then puts himself to bed at 8 that night. EVERY FUCKING ONE has been delayed by some BULLSHIT and I"M FUCKING TIRED OF IT. (see other blogs) It's ALWAYS SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!! W T F

NO i don't want to waste my couples night that I'm freaking "allowed" to have your snotty ass child be a monster and waste time. that is THE MOST ANNOYING RIDICULOUS SHIT. If there was any other thing that he had planned that started promptly at 7 he WOULD NOT try to squeeze in anything that would DISRUPT THE TIME.
It's like passive aggressively taking over my life with bullshit interruptions and I'm sick of it.
He's already been told before and honestly I was reading another Steptalker's post yesterday about her SO hounding her over a SS's straw issue and it's this same kind of crap that makes me want to say fuck it all. It's like they try to get us to argue knowing full well what they are asking is fucked up, deserves to be called out, and either we have the choice of 1) calling it out and creating an argument where they will be an ass and then blame us for being petty or 2) let it burn us up inside and resent and hate everything that comes out of their damn mouth or texts/ hate the child and them and it's enough.

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I'm sorry you're going

I'm sorry you're going through this. Maybe he will drop it & move putt putt to Wednesday. He asked Wed or Thurs anyways, so you chosing Wednesday shouldn't cause any waves.

if he did ask me and drop it

if he did ask me and drop it that would be different... but he did the "i know thursday is couples night BUT " bullshit.

SOs reply back: i understand

SOs reply back: i understand boundaries. you need to understand how to relax. Everytime you speak to me like this is a step in the wrong direction. if foward meant east and backward meant west by now we should be at least in (another city). instead we are in (a city even further) Are you still confused why I don't think it's a good idea for us to move in together?

"Yes because if you can't

"Yes because if you can't even keep from scheduling kid centered stuff one day a week God knows what our home would look like. A flippin chick fil a play place!"

exactly

Is he confused on why you

:jawdrop:

Is he confused on why you want alone time and not including his brat kid?? ALONE........WTF Clearly he is.

Tell him you are headed to (another city) to get away from his dumb ass. I wouldn't make time for this shit

You need to understand how to

You need to understand how to relax?

If I were in your shoes, my response to him would be:

"Every time you try to include SS in our Thursday evenings, it tells me you're not ready for a grown up relationship with a real woman. Enjoy putt putt golf."

yes this is great!

^^^this this this!!!^^^

right? Thanks lady!

right?

Thanks lady!

Have you thought about

Have you thought about backing off a little? I don't know why you want to move in with him and his kid anyway.

I don't any more in fact I'm

I don't any more in fact I'm pretty much done with him.

I told him after that text:

ME:You are doing it right now

SO: What am I doing?

Me: you shouldn't have asked me to do that Thursday you are inconsiderate and pushy and you knew it would start something that you could blame me for arguing about

SO: oh, is this one of those "you set it up" accusations?

ME: if you had anything else to do that promptly started at 7 would you try to fit that in ??!! would you ? probably not

SO: yes, this is how i fit in everything in life. you know that, i plan.
what I don't seem to plan nearly enough time for is how you are going to take innocuous information and go off on me

ME: i'm not seeing you at all for the rest of this week. i don't care for your shit. i'll see you at counseling friday. That's it.

SO: good don't contact me either

ME: do not text me anymore

This whole conversation

This whole conversation sounds so silly. The communication isnt there, obviously his respect for you isn't there, & you are annoyed with him. You aren't married, don't even live together.

May I ask why you are going to counseling? What is keeping you involved? Ditch this guy and meet you a real man who has time for you! You deserve it!

thanks! planning on it

Good luck!

I would reply, oh I am

I would reply, oh I am relaxing, I'm having a great time hanging out with my friends. You need to let him know YOU don't want to move in with him either! Don't let him hold all the cards. Believe me if he knew you were enjoying living by yourself, doing whatever you want when you want, it wouldn't take long for him to realize the importance of the Thursday nights couple night.

i've had a great time without

i've had a great time without him... looks I like i will continue that trend.
I enjoyed being single, granted I want to one day start a family and I did not enjoy dating people but single life, I know how to have a good time ALONE or with friends

yep

Ok, I'm curious so I'll ask

Ok, I'm curious so I'll ask the stupid question. Couple's night starts promptly at 7pm on Thursday. Sure, definitely understand the need for couple time. But...if putt putt takes an hour, starts at 5:30pm (over at 6:30) and say SO feeds kiddo dinner on way (say 5:00pm), why can't kid be in bedroom reading by promptly 7pm. 7pm now and couple's night begins promptly on time with all being well.

Even if you decided not to meet for putt putt and they went alone meeting at house with you walking in at promptly 7pm (kiddo having just scooted off to his room)and you having avoiding a kid on 'your' evening ? How does this interfere with SO/yours couple night?

Not trying to say it might not actually upset the evening schedule, just trying to understand your hard stand with the reaction you gave in the text. Was he actually trying to 'get away' with something or forgetting/infringing on a scheduled planned mandatory (couple necessity) couple night? I guess I'm asking how does the pre-7pm schedule usually go when couple night is on for 7pm? I do totally 'get' you've worked all day, want no kiddos in your day and want to just begin off with SO as a adult couple evening. That's not what I'm asking nor are you wrong in wanting and needing an adult only after 7pm evening.

i'd have this same response

i'd have this same response if it wasn't EVERY time since we decided in January to do this that has been interrupted, completely cancelled or otherwise.

it's a pattern that never ends. EVER

i'd have this same response

i'd have this same response if it wasn't EVERY time since we decided in January to do this that has been interrupted, completely cancelled or otherwise.

it's a pattern that never ends. EVER

I am curious also. I think

I am curious also.

I think that this boils down to the fact that her boy friend wants to be a dad more than a SO, BF or DH. And really there is nothing wrong with that IMHO.

You either accept it for the next several years or you get out.

if it was just this one time

if it was just this one time ... just this way i'd react like you thinking he's being a good parent... he's not... there is nothing wrong with Wednesday AT ALL

he is stuck in doing this every time every thursday it's something.

also the kid is impossible to feed or get anywhere (not his fault but he is ) so ONE hour is a joke. it would never go as planned it would AND HE KNOWS IT interrupt the night prob by 30mins to an hour after 7

THIS The man is a single dad.

THIS

The man is a single dad. He has to build his social life around his kid not the other way around.

I was a single mom. There's no way in the world I would have agreed to make my son stay in his room for an hour and put himself to bed in order to please a man. That man would have had to wait until I had a sitter or until after my son's bed time.

i'm sure you'd actually

i'm sure you'd actually schedule some date nights though right? BC otherwise no one would just join in on your life and never be alone with you at all we went for over 4 months last year with no date night and strictly family time ONLY This was our solution. The kid is not hurting for attention he needs to be able to do things alone sometimes

Sounds like he just wants a

Sounds like he just wants a captive plaything.

He is a manipulator that could make Machiavelli himself blush.

THIS ^^^^

I am weak and broken. This

I am weak and broken. This is like some sort of dick addiction. He's "trying" and still pissing me the hell off. I'm not impossible.

She can find a single man

She can find a single man WITH children and still date without all this drama. The drama is on the SO, nothing on the kid (although with a dad like that....)

This guy is uber-immature and selfish. He's the kind of guy that extracts energy and happiness from his partner, instead of encouraging it to flourish.

The man isn't ready for a

The man isn't ready for a relationsip. He has no idea how to be in one and I'd be running the hell away from him.

Save yourself bluehighlighter. Some people are more than happy to let their lives be controlled by their children - these people should remain single and prepare themselves to be alone when their kids grow up and move on. IF they get lucky later in life and meet someone who would care for them - than this poor soul will forever be last on their list of priorities.

These people are either too scared, emotionally screwed, selfish, still in love with the ex, or just too damned spineless to live their lives as mature responsible adults. Your DH seems to be one of the spineless ones - you're better off without him.

Their kids will rule their lives and dictate their relationships forever.. why? because many of these idiots ALLOW them to. Just so damned pathetic... and don't even get me started on the effect this will have on their kids.

Their kids will grow up thinking that the whole wide world revolves around them. When they start to have relationships, they will expect to manipulate and control their partners. These kids will be incapable of maintaining healthy relationships because of this. Great way to parent, huh?

ALSO I forgot that next

ALSO I forgot that next Thursday is already cancelled for us as there's a art exhibit at the child's school! from 6-8 so there goes next week also

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preparing for being pissed and calling kid out

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