Well, if BM's mission is to toy with your husband and make him miserable, this makes perfect sense, since the SD is the only weapon she has to use against him.  If he writes off his relationship with SD, she's lost any control she might have over your household.  Also, her August vacation is fast approaching.

This is wonderful news!

It's just a shame that you guys have plans already for BM's vacation time in August... But September is going to be great, getting back to spending time together unsupervised! 

She might be playing you again ?  Nobody makes a miraculous breakthrough in one day.  They are just playing games.  Can’t see why therapist does not see this Maybe they do !!   Go slowly, make sure SD does not take over control of your home and life.  You canceled your vacation. Make sure it stayed canceled. You don’t want SD to have the time of her life and after it’s over, start the same old , same old. 

At first I thought this looked like it was moving in a positive way. But on further reflection, I'm not so sure. I feel like a real Debbie Downer but I see others are feeling doubtful about this too. You wrote:

'Now we’re going to be expected to meet every demand of SD’s to make her “comfortable”, and if she doesn’t like something she’s now been taught she just has to tell BM or the therapist and they’ll make us fix it. I’m sure even moving her into the bedroom won’t be good enough anyway. Something else will just become the issue'

Exactly. Now she has the power. All hail princess SD and her feefees. it's just all too convenient that suddenly when the game was all but over she had a 'breakthrough'. How does your DH feel? I suppose he is feeling good about it and can't wait for her to be back?  I would most definately want to see the accusations rescinded if I were him.

If you do decide to go ahead with it then maybe you should ask for time to consider how you will do this and to get the bedroom ready. Suggest a date AFTER BM's vacation?  *biggrin*  A fresh start from 1st september etc? This might be one where you have to say to your DH, enough! Me and my DD have been on a rollercoaster emotionally with this girl and we would like a say in this now. The whole world doesn't have to turn around ONE bratty child who is being puppeteered by a toxic BM. Perhaps you should let it slip that the vacation was cancelled. You might see a change in her attitude.

As a note here it makes me recall how SD stinky after deciding to go and live with BM thinking that her father would back down on his quest for her to keep clean (didn't work) then thought that during her eowe (she decided she would live at BM's and spend eowe at ours) she would be queen as she expected us to be cowed and guilt tripped. We weren't, the eowe only lasted for two visits as we still expected her to clean up and she was still politely asked to take a shower. Status quo, so she stomped off back to BM and started her 'I was emotionally and psychologically abused' campaign against us backed by BM and her flying monkeys.  Sorry to digress but I feel the situation we experienced has some similarities to yours. It all has the stench of a BM backed child being hell bent on having total control in your home and you will have hell to pay if you don't comply.

Other posters have made some very good points and it's easy for others with distance to have suspicions over her motives but your DH wants this to be over but I wonder if he is  at the moment seeing the situation through rose tinted glasses?

Well...BM...it looks so good when they do the thing you predicted they would do.

Here would be my guidelines for reunification, mostly to see how far BM will go for her August vacation:

1.) Find a familt therapist and demand SD attend family therapy with you all so that there is a third-party mediator to help DH and SD work through their "issues". This person should be separate from SD's therapist, and any good therapist will tell you that having a network is important. BM saying "no" to DH's request would be seen as obstructive.

2.) Demand zero overnights for the first month. With SD having been gone for so long, and her transitioning, it would be too much for her to start school AND stay overnight. DH will take one day (or two, no idea if BM lives close enough to get SD on Saturday and Sunday with an evening drop off) during his COed visitation time to bring SD over. This gives SD a way to "escape" back to BM where she is "more comfortable". After a month of this, it'll be another month of one-night visits. By October, regular visitation should resume PROVIDED both DH and SD are comfortable and their family therapist agrees.

3.) Tell BM that you and DH and SD and your daughter will all eventually have to go to therapy *together* to learn how to be a family. Until this happens, and it's cleared by the therapist, SD won't spend more than 2 consecutive nights at your house.

4.) No trips until cleared by all therapists. Right now, you must ALL work together to learn how to function as a family in your home. Plus, SD shouldn't be away from BM for that long anyway in case SD feels "insecure". Maybe you all will be at a point where you can take a short trip (less than a week) next summer.

5.) If any of these demands, which are reasonable for a traumatized and "broken" family to take to fix itself, are not met, your DH will discontinue all contact with SD and BM outside his COed financial contributions as he realizes he cannot provide the type of life his daughter demands to feel safe and secure.

I say all of this tongue in cheek, but it would be SO TEMPTING to do. If BM and SD want to play games, play them right back. BM only has one pawn in her game; you have four. No one would Tell you that this experience wasn't traumatizing for your whole family, so wanting to go slow and use external mediation would be reasonable to make YOU ALL feel comfortable, too.

BM would lose her SH!T over this stuff, but if she wants her free babysitter back, she needs to tow the line and pay the fine. She way overstepped, and now it's time she pay up. She either does what YOU want or your DH walks away. My guess is that BM doesn't want you to take your ball and go home, and she'll begrudgingly do as you demand, which may lead to her digging herself into a hole.

My overall suggestion: make life he'll for BM, or tell her to keep stepping with SD. Either DH is a threat or he isn't, and if BM won't help him facilitate a good relationship with SD, then her only option as a "good mother" (gag me) is to remove SD from the situation entirely.

Be careful with this "transition" stuffy. There are stuffed animals available with tracking devices and the ability to record. I'd check it out when she brought it over. 

Agree that you should not resume normal visitation with overnights for awhile or until BM retracts her accusations. SD must feel like crap for making a mountain out of a molehill and I'm sure she's scared to be in your home because of fear that you will set her straight. 

I know your younger kids are affected but what about you?? I also second watching out for the stuffed animal with possible recording devices.

BM cried abuse. CPS told BM to keep SD away from DH during the 6 week "investigation".  BM didn't want to do that.  She called DH and asked if he would pick up SD.  DH did not know at the time that CPS was even doing an investigation.  Imagine the surprise when CPS interviewed DH and told him that she had asked BM to keep SD away. Of course, it was just a game to BM to put DH in his place.  DH was jumping to her every demand.  We were married for about 6 weeks when the so called "abuse" was documented.  DH was to her every demand before we were married.  BM didn't like the fact that we were married even though they had been divorced for years before DH and I met.

  She sent  SD in counseling.  The counselor reached out to DH with a list of demands of what SD needed.  The counselor was basically telling us that SD needed full control of our home.  She needed her own room.  Having her own room wasn't a possiblity at the time.  We were planning to move after we were married but DH lost his job. I wasn't going to give her a room for a few days a month and my BSs give up their room.  DH moved in with me so my kids already had their room.     DH was in a panic because we couldn't meet the demands.  I called a lawyer friend.  He told me not to fall for the crazy stuff.  If we gave in, BM would continue to do it again.  

After a long talk with DH, he agreed.  He would see SD outside of the home one day a week. He was getting SD every other weekend so he wasn't cutting any of his time short, she just wasn't staying overnight with us.  BM didn't like that at all.  She was planning to go on a cruise a few months after the abuse claims.  DH was going to keep SD during the week of the cruise before the so called abuse.  The lawyer told us NOT to keep SD during her cruise. She had to make other arrangements for SD.  I was surprised but DH did stand his ground.

BM was constantly playing games.  She would let DH have SD one weekend and the next weekend refuse to let SD come over.  If DH told her he was working and couldn't keep SD, she would DEMAND that I do it for him .  I refused so she started playing all the abuse games.  DH had to jump every time or she would deny visits.  Of course, it is all MY fault because DH doesn't jump anymore.

After a few months of DH seeing SD outside of the house, she was begging DH to watch SD.  BM no longer plays her games

Your DH really needs to stop these games unless he plans to play them until SD is at least 18 years old.

Kids should not have that much power in the home to make their own rules and make demands on visitation.

how with lightning speed there's a "breakthrough" with August's holiday looming.   NOPE.   I agree with other posters:

1.  Allegations must be formally rescinded in writing

2.  August holiday does NOT include SD (tell DH that if he goes back on this he's teaching SD to abuse him and make a mini-BM)

3.  Everything on a "wait and see" basis.  Insist BM get psychological help wth a counselor of YOUR choosing