I'm new, and need guidance, please. :)
So here goes,
I’m fairly new, and I think, (after reading over this for a couple weeks,) that I am very lucky compared to what others are experiencing. My heart goes out- because anytime something comes up, I’m reminded- I am not alone. And I’m very sorry- but this might be really long!
A little background: I’m a single mom of a 2.5 year old little girl toddler-monster. Her birthfather, (BF?) doesn’t pay any support as he and I both decided that terminating his rights when she was born, was a good thing to do. (He wanted nothing to do with her- and it worked out.) I hold a great job for a well-known company in the cities, and although I’m the queen of coupons- we’ve never gone without. I met a man, (a great man-) and as we got to know each other, he was very upfront about his stepdaughter and his divorce. The ex cheated on him, he said he was no longer in love with her, she said the same, and by all accounts- the divorce was somewhat amicable. I’ve met her a few times, we’ve talked and although I know her bad sides, she’s always been respectful and kind to my face, (and to his daughter’s, too.) So- really, I’m lucky – there. He proposed a month ago after picking out a ring with his daughter, (k.) and she’s taken to calling me- Momma. (Which is strange- but I told her she could call me whatever she was comfortable with. –My first name, would have been fine, too!)
We just bought a house and will be moving in together in 3 weeks. We have talked about everything from what his CS covers, to college tuition, and how we’ll be equal to both girls. He’s incredibly accommodating with my daughter, and considers her his own, as I consider K. as mine too. I really dig his parenting style- (we’re both fairly strict, and although I’d prefer K. have more manners, she confides in me, and she’s over all- a decent kid, (with exceptions of an 8 year old.) His ex- can be conniving, (as I’m sure all of them can,) but so far- nothing major has gone on.
She tries little stuff here and there- (K. needed school supplies and she wanted us to buy them because CS ‘wasn’t enough!’) Hubby-to-be stood his ground and explained that was what CS was for, and we used buying an extra outfit for K. as an award for being a helpful and good listener the last time we had her. (She has really taken to her ‘sissy’ – sister, as she calls her.) Recently, K. wanted to do soccer and her BM didn’t want to pay the extra fee. We explained that since her heart was set on soccer, we would willingly pay half the fee, and offer our assistance. (BM declined.) K. now talks about how mommy can’t afford anything, almost everytime we have her. (She’s told my fiance’s sister that her mommy was left with all the bills when daddy moved out.) The truth: BM demanded the house and car, and he had to move home to his parents to save. (I met him about a year after the divorce.) –Everything is paid off, thus we got a great home!
We’ve talked to K. several times about the impact of those words and how it could hurt Daddy’s feelings. We’ve offered to have her sit down with us and mom, to explain how everything worked, so that she didn’t feel like because she’s living with BM full time, (we have her on every other weekend,) that she’s NOT being slighted. BM is now telling k. that she’ll have to ask ‘us’ for things because she can’t afford her and the bills. (We’re crushed- because we started with a good relationship.) My fiance doesn’t know what to do- we’ve offered to sit down with her multiple times- but to no avail.
I know many are going through much worse- but I’m new in all this- and I’m deeply worried about the impact it will have on our lives if this continues. When we bought the house we offered K. the chance to decorate her very own room, (we didn’t want her to have to share with my daughter- as she needs her own space.) She’s very excited- and now BM is refusing to let us have ANY clothing or toys from HER home. (Which she didn’t work- fiancé did and bought it all.)
Any ideas or email buddies would be great. I’m worried.
(Nice to meet you!)