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We received a "Parenting Plan" in the mail

beachstepmom's picture

My husband was never married to his son's mother, she lives in FL with our 7 yr old stepson. Things have never been great between all of us but I do what I can to help her out and she doesn't appreciate a thing but nonetheless I am nice to her.

She moved in with her boyfriend, who is a police officer, a few months back after dating him for about 6 months. Now all of a sudden my husband received a proposed parenting plan from an attorney in FL this week. Basically all BM is asking for different is for us to pay all of the round trip flights (we had been splitting the cost) and she also ask that she be listed as the ultimate decision maker regarding her son. He lives there and goes to school there and we get him for Winter Break, Spring Break, and the entire summer. She is also asking to take a week back from the summer visit "so she can have time to get him prepared for school". In the past we bought all school supplies, shoes, and clothes and sent them home with him in his suitcase.

In return, my husband and I have drawn up his own proposed parenting plan, which is totally free online by the way, she paid a lawyer $800 she says. In his parenting plan he is agreeing to give her "power" of being the ultimate decision maker and he is dropping the Spring Break visitation. He has told her that if we have to pay for the round trip flights then it makes no sense for us to fork out the $300 to have him for one week.

Basically my stepson went home after his summer with us and told her that he wants to live with us and we think she is scared and hurt by this so she and her cop boyfriend think this is the best way to handle it.

Is there anything that we need to add into the parenting plan that isn't in most? Any advice???

This was not actually served to my husband, just sent regular mail, and the lawyer has not attempted to contact him at all.


beachstepmom's picture

The currently have no parenting plan, no custody order, no child support order. He voluntarily pays her child support every month except for June, July, and August (when we have him). She is also asking for child support during those months in the parenting plan.

How about this for a scare tactic....she is illegally cohabitating in FL with her boyfriend. Stepson has told us MANY horrible stories about the things that go on in their house and in front of him but we have no proof.

iwishyouwould's picture

Agree to nothing that is not an official court transaction. kiddo's bm does this on a regular basis - we have a court ordered custody order (we have sole physical, she gets reasonable visit. and 50% legal custody) ; She routinely tries to threaten/scare us by telling us that X is going to happen by Y date and if we dont agree she will take us to court. We say something along the lines of ( if it is totally ridiculous) : So take us to court. ( if it is mildly ridiculous) : That is an interesting thought. (the end). ( if it is something that serves no other purpose than to inflame us ) : ignore and document. She has never once taken it to court. She wants to threaten/scare us into doing whatever it is because no judge in their right mind would ever give her anything more than an order to pay child support. Sounds like what your bm is doing.
In your case i might go with "that is an interesting thought" and then ignore her. When you get something from a judge, then you can lend it some engergy and thought.

pat's picture

I agree with Spunkidoolittle . A power trip. Parenting plans are really nothing. Even when ordered by a judge , they have no teeth. My ex has broken every statement in our Parenting plan, but, even if I take her back to court, it will cost me thousands only for her to break it again. It is a joke. I agree scare tactics. In the end , she will do as she pleases anyway. What are you going to do if she does not comply? Take her to court and spend thousands your dont have only for her to break it again ? It has not bite at all!

beachstepmom's picture

This parenting plan will also be enforced by a judge because it has the local court information where it will be filed at on the top of the page.

Rags's picture

Refuse. I would not even play any games with her other than for your DH to tell her that the situation will stay the way it is until your DH decides otherwise.

Splitting travel costs is reasonable. Why should you and DH agree to pay for all of the travel costs unless mandated to do so by a judge?

As for ultimate decision maker ..... BM has physical custody so she is the decision maker in her home just as you and DH make the decisions in yours. I would for sure not agree to what BM proposes just to avoid the off chance that she could try to use the title of "ultimate decision maker" to disrupt your DHs time with his kid.

In my SS-18s case, my wife is the CP and BioDad is the NCP with visitation. Like you with BM, we have never lived close to to BioDad. Our son's (My SS's) visitation schedule with BioDad and the SpermClan was 5wks Summer, 1wk Winter, 1Wk Spring and we split the cost of the plane ticket. The judgment states clearly that each party is responsible for transporting the child from the child's location to the parents location.

This worked well for us from the time the Skid was 1yo until he aged out from under the visitation component of his Custody/Visitation/Support order a month ago. You may want to consider returning the kid to BM a week before school starts so that he can settle down before having to get back in to the routine of the school year. We struggled with post SpermIdiot detox with our kid all through his school career.

Not that this applies to your Skids time with you and your DH. My son's (SS's) BioDad has four out-of-wedlock spawn by three different mothers. Our son is his oldest and our only. The younger three were abandoned on SpermGrandMa's doorstep and she and SpermGrandPa raise with with not help from their worthless POS son or from the POS womb donors. It is so bad that BioDad lives in a poperty owned by his parents and pays no rent.

We have a lot of issues with our SS the few weeks before he leaves for visitation and for several weeks after he gets back. The long summer visitation is the worst. The others are short enough that we can usually keep him focused and under control.

If what you have has been working I would not significantlhy change it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

IMHO of course.