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Updating on SD/MIL situation

bananaseedo's picture

It's been some very hectic and emotional days for sure.  SD stopped by yesterday w/a in-home DNA test as wanted to know for herself...well BM is pushing her of course,\ but she has every right...so DH did it and now awaiting results. 

We have not talked to MIL- SD is busy looking for a place to live.  However if MIL wants to play hardball, let her...let her go through the eviction process. We told her to keep paying rent and to get a receipt each time.  We dont' want her there but there aren't many options in the next month/two.  We don't have any room.  BM offered for her to be there w/her but she is far away from SD's job and the baby daddy...plus BM broke up w/her fiance and is toying around w/her ex-meth/felon bf again...which SD told her if she does, she will cut ties w/her entirely like she did previously (when BM lost custody)...BM is nuts though and so who knows.  SD doesn't seem to have many options or much money saved up, with her splitting up w/her guy it'll be harder.  

I always knew MIL was toxic, but I think I've finally figured it out.  She is a narcissist.  A different 'kind' that my ex-mil and exh...but still.  The constant triangulation and pitting family against eachother, always placing herself as the center of attention and victim status...the dangling the house/finances in exchange for services...the burdening her sons w/adult matters and hate talk against all family...the selfishness, the rages she erupts to when she is called out or questioned and the memory doesn't match her fabrications. 

It's all so sad, my dh lost his mom, the family is fractured badly. At least SD has been around quite a bit and doesn't seem to be mad with DH, she is mad at MIL for telling her and in that manner....she says she would have rather never known. 

We look back at all the issues w/my BIL over the years, and know for sure MIL created the distance and ill-feelings between them, at the center of it all.  There's SO much more but it's exhausting to even try and cover it all.  

Comments

Survivingstephell's picture

She sound more boarderline personality.  The white/black thinking , memory lapses,  splitting, drama triangle.   It's all there.  She's a Cluster B for sure.  
 

What a mess.  

bananaseedo's picture

You could be correct, some things she doesn't 'meet' for NPD -but you are right, could be cluster B as well.  Either way there are some serious concerns.

justmakingthebest's picture

Your MIL is the worst kind of human being there is. I just went back and read what happened. 

My dad is my stepdad. I'm not blood to him but let me tell you, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Does anyone know who her bio father actually is? 

bananaseedo's picture

Yes, the ex knows.  The day after SD found out, of course BM started blowing up Dh's phone-he didn't want to talk to her but said I could if I wanted to.

BM of course said it was this one guy-and gave his name- and said it was a ONE time only, she was young, dumb, naive, etc....she tried to cover herself saying AFTER SD was born she mentioned to DH that there was possibly someone else....and that she offered for him to do a DNA_ did not go like that all.  

I told her look, what MIL did is unforgivable, but you lied and it was your decisions then that caused all this to begin with.  Personally I think women that do this should go to jail.....

Things are not any better, apparently MIL is on the warpath, she cornered SD again yesterday and went throught the WHOLE spiel AGAIN about how dh isn't her dad and bringing up past issues, etc....so since MIL probably knows it will take time to evict her, her 'weapon' is to just make sd's a living hell with wickedness to force her out.  SD does not need to be hearing this anymore.  She's best off moving to lion dens at her BM's then staying with MIL.  

DH doesn't know if he shoudl confront MIL or if doing so will make it worse on SD-so until she moves out he's ignoring her -once SD is safely out he will let it rip and let her know he will never speak to her again...she is dead to him and can rot alone in her house.