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BM is completely Screwing up the Kid

BamaMom's picture

DH and BM have been divorced for almost 4 years. Right after the divorce, DH only got SS every other Saturday from 8am - 4pm. They (Her and DH) thought that it was best that he not have overnights until he was older and got used to them being divorced. He was 3 when they divorced. I am the only person that DH has dated since the divorce. He waited a year to introduce me to his son (4 at this time). I completely understood his logic in this as I was a single mother (BS 10 at the time) and he was the first guy that I had ever dated to meet my son. I never thought that it was a good idea to allow your children to get attached to someone that you had no idea if they were in this relationship for the long haul or for a few weeks / months. His ex didn't start dating until he introduced me to his son. Now 3 years later, she is on her 3rd man, all of which she allowed SS to get attached to. These men take SS places, do lots of things with him and after 2 weeks of dating them, she is allowing them to spend the night with them. Nobody cares how many men she has, but does she care what she is doing to her son (now 7)??? This poor kid is so confused, he cannot keep up with the guys names. For example 4 weeks ago, she was dating "Joe", 3 weeks ago, she got rid of "Joe" and started dating "Jim". Two weeks ago "Jim" is spending the night with her and SS.
This woman is one of those that "she's always right and you are always wrong". According to her, she does NOTHING wrong, is the best mother that walks the face of the earth, and everyone is beneath her. She is a school teacher and she cannot see that what she is doing is screwing up her son. DH and I have always tried to give SS a stable environment. She tries to start shit with us all the time because she cannot stand that when he is with us, we are a family. She has even told SS that our (DH and I) son is not his brother. 2 years ago, after the baby was born, she made up accusations about my oldest son to try to keep him from being around SS. She tells SS that his daddy spends more time with the baby than him, trying to get him to be jealous of the baby. What she doesn't realize is that SS loves his baby brother, he can get a little rough with him at times but he does love him. Her first ex boyfriend actually called (before they broke-up) my DH and told him that she was so jealous of what DH and I had that it was hurting their relationship.
My MIL and FIL used to try all the time to get her to allow SS to come stay with them after school or some days while he was out of school and she would tell them "no" that he had plans, yadda yadda yadda or she just would not return their phone calls. Now all of a sudden, she allows him to stay with them whenever he wants too. (She is out of school for the summer and wants her freedom I guess). This is great for SS and my in laws. I am glad she finally is allowing them to spend some time with him. Since the divorce in '06, the only time that they got to see him was when we had him.
Now, I just wish that she would be a start going by the Standard Visitation Agreement for DH. According to the agreement, he has ALTERNATE weekends (she will only allow him to have him on the 1st and 3rd weekend of the month, thus screwing DH out of 2 weekends a year). We have never had him on Easter, his B-day, Thanksgiving, or Christmas Eve. She always plans his b-day party the last weekend of the month or on his b-day, ie this year, had we had the alternate weekends as specified, we would have had him his b-day weekend, she of course planned his party on his b-day so DH could not get him. She will not let him get SS on Thanksgiving because "her" family does a big Thanksgiving Dinner and he needs to be there with her for that. And she says that DH's family does nothing so it is not that big of a deal anyway. She decided that as far as Christmas goes, she will have SS the first week of his winter break through Christmas Day at Noon. DH can get him at Noon Christmas Day through New Years Eve at 4:30. I told him that that all of this was bullshit. It doesn't matter whether or not his family does anything big or not for Thanksgiving, he needs to have him every other year. Also, that bullshit about Christmas is just wrong. Why should he have to miss out every year seeing his sons face Christmas Morning when he gets up to see what Santa brought. He was controlled and manipulatd by this bitch for so many years that is just pisses me off to no end that he allows HER to tell HIM when he can and cannot see his son. That is what the Standard Visitation Agreement is for. Just last month, DH was supposed to have SS on Memorial Day (our weekend anyway), she made plans for him Memorial Day to go out of town with her dad. Which of course she had already told SS about so he of course was excited to be going to another state and seeing the crap they had planned. So of course, DH gave in and let her have him because he didn't want SS to be upset if he missed the trip. What f'in right did she have planning something for SS on DH's weekend? She does this kind of shit ALL THE TIME. She has scheduled pictures on his weekends, she has put off registering him for ball until DH's weekend (she wouldn't do it on her weekend), she plans trips on his weekends. I have told him over and over again to grow some balls and tell her HELL F'IN NO! To reshedule her shit on her weekends. She always gives him this crap about how she has already told SS about it and if he misses it, he will be so upset. Then she gets SS to tell DH that he wants to go with mommy.
This bitch and I have never gotten along and never will, I so want to kick her ass everytime my phone rings and I see its her. If I happen to answer the phone when she calls, she always has an attitude. Why can't she see that the shit she does is hurting and effecting her son? Does she not realize that later in life, he may look back at all this and see her for the whore she is or that he ends up being a womanizer? Some women need to seriously take a step back and look at their life and consider what it is doing to their children!!

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Now 3 years later, she is on her 3rd man, all of which she allowed SS to get attached to. These men take SS places, do lots of things with him and after 2 weeks of dating them, she is allowing them to spend the night with them
+++++++++++++++++++
I think your DH's ex may be my DH's ex. lol. She did this crap too when SS was yonger. We could do nothing ot stop her. I am not sure SS even remembers it. When SS hit about 13, BM found Jesus with a vengence. So that mess stopped thank goodness.

BamaMom's picture

Willow2010 - Well, according to BM, she is an upstanding Christian Woman. That is what she tells us and the image she tries to show the community. So she takes her boyfriends to her fishcamp (which she had DH give her in the divorce) and they spend the weekends there so the community does not see (or her parents). Her house is next door to her parents and 2 doors down from her sister and 3 from her brother! When the marriage started going south and the D word came up, she started going to church to show the community that she was a good christian woman. She wanted everyone to see her this way and blame DH for the divorce and see him as the bad guy. That's just how she is.
She keeps him out all hours of the night. Every weekend when we have him, he is so exhausted that at 6:30 he falls asleep and not get up until 8 the next morning. She did this when he was in school also. We know this because when DH would call to talk to him during the week, he could never get them on the house phone, he had to call her cell. He would start calling at 6 and finally reach them at 9 or 9:30 at night (if at all). She would tell him some bullshit about being at Walmart and then SS would say they were at "Jim's" house and she would hurry up and snatch the phone from SS and hang-up. His school lets in at 7:00 in the am and they have a 30 minute drive to get there.
She see's no wrong in what she does. I'm sorry but isn't what she's doing (sex before marriage) a sin??

dakotamom's picture

I wish the only problem I had with the BM of my 2 skids was screwing up the weekend plans. Every weekend we get the skids and BM for whatever reason feels the need to tell them something is wrong with them. ss17 has scoliosis, ss15 has arthritus. She went to nursing school long enough to be dangerous - but never finished. Mind you she is diagnosing these kids and telling them their issues but will not take them to a dr to have these actually documented. I told the skids to advise their mother to quit filling their heads with her psychobably bullshit and we will take them to a doctor to have all of her home diagnosis judged by a professional. Irritates the hell out of me. what kind of mother would constantly tell their kids they have some sort of disease or health problem??

BamaMom's picture

Dakotamom - I wish that were our ONLY issue with her. This is just one of a long line of issues with this crazy bitch.

dakotamom's picture

I just don't get it. Granted I'm not super fans of the skids, but I'm not going to start telling them they have health issues. ss15 is totally freaked out by the shit he is told by bm. ss15 had a scratch from rough housing with my dog and i thought the kid was going to die. talking about "do i know all the diseases that can live in the dirt that is now flowing into my bloodstream" I couldn't help it I started laughing, got him some peroxide and said don't listen to your mother. don't even get me started on the weather channel and he is forbidden from cnn.

BamaMom's picture

Your BM sounds like a true nut case! As far as medical issues, she doesn't get that way anymore. When DH and I first started seeing one another, she would call him and tell him that SS was having anxiety issues and that he was depressed and needed to see a psychiatrist and everytime he sneezed or farted, she would take him to the doctor. She used to work for a Mental Health Facility - she needed to be a patient. But SS is a totally different kid when he is with us thatn her and always has been. DH says that she has always blown medical issues WAY out of proportion. When SS was 1 she started taking him to specialist b/c she didn't feel that he ate enough. They saw 7 different doctors in a year all telling them nothing was wrong with him, finally DH told her enough was enough - no more tests! Then she started back up with the shit after the divorce. She finally stopped that when he told her that she could pay those bullshit doctor bills!

Willow2010's picture

"do i know all the diseases that can live in the dirt that is now flowing into my bloodstream"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh wow, we all must have the same BM. SS is that same way!! he is getting a bit better since he came to live with us. BM took him to ER all the time for stupid crap. the boy has been tested for EVERYTHING over the last several years. Not a thing wrong with him. when he first came to live with us he got a scratch on his foot. He started getting loud about how he needed to get to some peroxide right then. It was amazing. DH told him to knock it off and that he was ok. This boy was 16 at the time.

dakotamom's picture

oh yes ss15 is way over the top with his scardness of things thanks to BM. thankfully ss17 is nothing like this, but the kid also never leaves the computer so pick your poison....