Through clenched teeth.
It was exactly six hours into my marriage when I realized how difficult being a stepmom would be. That was the moment my new husband placed his then 5 year old daughter in our honeymoon bed. Sure, we discussed the sleeping arrangements in advance. And, of course, when we were making plans I said yes-honey-whatever-makes-her-comfortable. So, there I lay on my wedding night, squished over to the edge of the bed, my husband laying between me and her, clenching my teeth.
I'm a career woman. I have a Ph.D. I've traveled extensively and even lived in a foreign country alone. And, most importantly, I was very much in love. So, how difficult could this occasional stepmom gig really be? All I can say is that three years down the road I'm still clenching my teeth.
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Oh Dear
I'm with Fearless. That's insanity. I don't know your whole situation, so forgive me if I sound out of line.
Un-clench your teeth. Take your open hand, place it firmly on your husband's balls, once you're sure you've got a hold of them, remind him that he does indeed have them and he needs to start using them.
Best thoughts for you. Jo
That says it all Little Jo
It's funny - as soon as I posted I saw your "Heading" - we both titled it the same way!
What else can you say about the situation?
That is so sad...
You must have been so disappointed. I hope that things get better for you. Step parenting is quite the ride.
Oh dear....
That's tough!!!!!!
It's so outrageous I laughed at the absurdity of "Three in the bed"
For what it's worth, and by no means is it as overt as your situation...but my DH organised to go jet-skiing with his daughter the morning after our wedding night. Of course she informed me of this fact at the reception dinner.
Having spoken to DH about it since, I can only assume it was due to a couple of reasons:
- guilt (that he's chosen to re-marry)
- no forethought (that the action would be inappropriate in the circumstances)
- grief (that his daughter is naturally upset that her parents don't look like they're gonna get back together now - and that is often every child's fantasy - naturally so)
I too am in a profession and questioned how difficult the "part-time" gig would be. Honestly, I don't know if it's any less difficult when you only have the child infrequently. The same issues are there except you're really tired because you are dealing with high-level work issues to boot, but still doing the bulk of the domestic work. No one can prepare you for what it will feel like can they.
You were very accommodating about the sleeping arrangements. Unfortunately men can be pretty literal and don't look too far into the fact that you might have actually wanted him to reconsider. I've had to resort to being blunt. Unfortunately this makes me appear hard - but it's better than feeling like second place.
Package deal - yeah. Three in the marriage - No. There's a big difference.
Has it improved even a little bit? :?
All I can say is
When you choose to be in an unconventional family, then you can't expect to follow conventions, such as sex on the wedding night, holidays with all the family present, etc. SS came with us on our honeymoon, and we all slept in the same bed, and I choose that because I wanted him to be with us and feel like a part of us (unlike his mom who is going away for a week on her third honeymoon and leaving him with us) because we have plenty of time for consumation and fornication when he is not with us. I'm not saying you have to give up all your hopes and dreams, but just be more flexible. Just because it is a tradition does not mean it is absolutely necessary. If it was that important to you, then you should have made that clear to him when you discussed it beforehand.