Contacted the BM!
Well DH did and he contacted SS10 BM via facebook. The only way we know how. She did not respond not sure she even got the message yet. I do not think so as you can kinda tell. Anyway now it is waiting game.
As we are waiting I am digging and trying to find and address for her on-line but to no luck or I have to pay to find it. We might go that route. DH is going to try to contact a few people he knows that may have her number before we do that.
But of course I am stalking a little and can see some stuff on her facebook page. I know she moved in the last year has 3 children and has been married for the last several years to the father or her other children. I see a picture of her with her family and part of me gets angry at her. Is that normal? I get angry because I see she has her other 3 children and they are little happy family but she denied all that to SS. He missed out for years on having a mom there to love and hold him. It makes me angry at times because it is like how could you just walk away from this amazing very intelligent boy who is kind and caring.
I know her not being around has made it mush easier for me and SS to build our relationship and get to this amazing place we are at. It still angers me at times and breaks my hear at times because I know SS missed out on that for years. I think he is good and is well adjusted with that but it does bug me at times.
Usually I do not think about it but it is coming up now because we finally had to contact her in order for me to adopt. Part of me wants to meet her and another part does not. Part of me wants to tell her off and be like you know you walked out on this great kid and denied him brothers and sisters and a mom for 8 years. How could you be so thoughtless. (That may not be the case). The other part of me want to talk to her and ask her why she walked away, why she stopped all contact and to have a better understand so when SS is older and asks we have answers for him.
A whole lot of mixed emotions are going through me and I am nervous she will not comply and this will drag on in court. After talking to a lawyer I am pretty sure I will be able to adopt and her rights will be terminated it is just a matter of how easy it will be. If she signs it will be smooth sailing and if she does not well the hearing will be more intense and a lot more questions. Overall our attorney says we have a good chance as she has had no contact for 6+ years.
Thanks for listening.
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I know you want to know why.
I know you want to know why. But honestly, don't open that can of worms with her. It may get her thinking, or she may feel attacked and refuse to sign the papers so you can adopt. I know you love your SS, which is where the anger is coming from at watching him be deprived, but in reality, asking those kinds of questions may do more harm than good for your adoption chances.
You have a good chance, only thing I could see ocunting against you really is how short a period you've been married to your DH, courts like seeing stability, so typically they prefer seeing a year plus of marriage.
I'm also fairly certain that
I'm also fairly certain that she may not want to find out the "why".. you can't understand why she would walk away.. things must have been pretty toxic for her to have done that.. if she appears to be a well adjusted happy family person now? Then again FB is all fake anyway..lol.
True it is fake. I am not
True it is fake. I am not going to talk to her. I am going to let DH handle everything. If she asks to meet me I will agree and answer her questions but I will not be asking her anything. I have the thoughts and things swirling in my head at times. I know I do not want to know because when SS is older and ask I would like to honestly say I do not know much. If he really wants to know he can ask her and she will have to do the hard part of explaining to SS possibly at some point.
Good for you for stepping up
Good for you for stepping up for him. My mom did this same thing to my sister and I. She left when I was 5, had 2 more children, got married, and then ADOPTED a kid from some druggie she knew. All while not contacting us or making any effort to be in our lives. It's hard and confusing and really makes you feel like you're not good enough. I feel for your SS, it's a tough pill to swallow. SS is lucky to have you!
Here’s the why - she’s a POS.
Here’s the why - she’s a POS.
Do not utter a single word to
Do not utter a single word to her.
Anything you say could conjure resentment in her and that could make her fight what you're trying to do.
Do what's best for you and SS. Be glad she walked away and made it so easy for you to step in and adopt. You can be to SS everything that she wasn't.
Thank you. I need the support
Thank you. I need the support. I am hoping for the best but planning for the worst in all of this. I love my SS do much. In my heart and my mind he is my child. I go to parent teacher things. Yesterday DH and I both met with the teacher about some stuff and the counselor about stuff as well. We have a game plan and SS will be meeting with the counselor a few times as well. He just seems disinterested in school and things lately. He has had a lot going on.
Try
intelius.com or Zillow maybe. Also try looking at county home ownership to find her address. My ex got a PO box for years just so I couldn’t have him served with papers. All I did was google his name and the local newspaper had printed an announcement when he and his wife bought their house.
I’d be really careful. If BM is all stable and family oriented, she could have been crying to her husband all these years about how her baby was stolen from her. It doesn’t matter what the reality actually is, it’s what she can convince a judge to believe. Then suddenly you’ve got an empty nest every other week when the kid is with his mom and siblings.
I tried Zillow. I do know she
I tried Zillow. I do know she moved in last year because I can see that post on Facebook. Fortunately in our county we are filing the lawyer said that the judges do not always favor the BM especially one that has not been in contact for that long. We will see what happens.
She can cry all she wants but unless she hires a lawyer and get the current CO amended she still can not have access to SS. There is a lot she would have to do to be to get any type of visitation. I might be wrong here but pretty sure a judges would not just up and allow her to have every other week after being gone totally gone for 6 years and barely there for the first 4.
Thank you for the advice but can I ask why such the harsh does of reality of my situation?
Why not just hire a private investigator?
If you really want to make contact with BM - why not just hire a private investigator or skip tracer? It will save you a lot of hassle and time.
I hope you are allowing for the possibility, no matter how remote, that there is an understandable reason why BM left the way she did. I have followed your story from the beginning, and I have always thought you have never been given the complete truth about the circumstances surrounding her disappearance from SS's life.
We will do that if we need to
We will do that if we need to. I found a phone number a few hours ago that is connected to her husband. I am going to give that to DH and let him take it from there. He does know she had son before they got married. It is not secret.
I am allowing there maybe a reason, but no matter the reason she still might have to one day face telling SS what that reason was. Yes I will agree it is sketchy all of it. Truthfully if you ever met my DH's family you would get it. They are the worst communicators on the planet. They all seriously have the worst memory as well. All of them I do not get it. It is what it is.
I trust my DH and I trust what he says to me about really not knowing why she just stopped. Maybe the rest of his family might know but I doubt it. I believe DH because he knows at this point he knows he has to be completely honest since everything will come out and be known in court.