4th Christmas in a row RUINED because of BM!
I am so sick of this bitch arbitrarily changing the CO every damn Christmas just to fuck with us! And I am sick of DH just doing whatever the fuck she says to do because he "doesn't want to ruin Christmas for SD".
We are supposed to meet at a neutral location for drop off when school is not in session per the CO. BM refused to meet us there tonight because she said DH did not abide by the CO as he picked SD up from school on Friday. SD was sick Friday so school called DH to come get her, otherwise he would have picked her up at 5:30 from BM. I guess BM would have preferred to have to use 1/2 a personal day to pick SD up herself. She is such a bitch, she does not even realize when someone is doing her a GD favor!! So instead of DH saying "no, we are at the CO'd location, you have 20 min to get here or you lose your time with SD" he just drives SD all the way back across town (where we just effing came from) to BM's house. I lost it, basically told SD her mom was a POS, had a fight with DH, and now I am pissed off and alone for the 4th Christmas in a row. Every year with this bitch. I am so over it!!!!!
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Sounds sucky for sure. The
Sounds sucky for sure. The only wise words I can suo at this time are that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different outcome.
I once told my DH that if he
I once told my DH that if he wants to run around after BM or his kids then 'this' (draw circle around myself) would be heading back to my nice South Pacific paradise and he can mess with BM for the rest of his life. I will NOT play 2nd or 3rd fiddle to kids or exs. Not even my own kids and sure as hell not my own ex!
Luckily he is a quick learner. Or maybe I am so awesome he considered the hellish life it would be without me. Or maybe the fact he mother would ride his arse into eternity for letting me get away.
Sheesh! I am so sorry for you.
How old is sd? It's like
How old is sd?
It's like Rags has said- nail bms ass to the wall with the court order. I don't think you should've said that to sd, but you can't undo it. Apologize to sd and use it as a learning experience. Definitely don't hold it all in but be smart about how you let it out. Go exercise, write here about it, don't give dh anything in bed until he starts holding bm accountable for not following the CO.
She is 6. I know, but I am so
She is 6. I know, but I am so tired of just pretending that everything is hunky dory when it's not. SD knew I was pissed because we had to drive back to the other side of town and she started crying. DH got mad at me, saying "now look what you did, she's crying". I just said "yeah, well I'd cry too if my mother acted this way". At some point you have to tell them that BM's behaviour is not normal, right?
You don't have to tell the
You don't have to tell the skid that. Their bio parent should.
Bm might not be a saint but your so/dh is a HUGE part of the problem. He himself didn't follow the CO when he got sd from school that Friday. If you want things to get better, tell him to practice what he preaches.
I'm almost positive she would
I'm almost positive she would have penned him as a shitty father for leaving a sick daughter at school. I'm sure a judge would have the common sense to realize that too . .
The school should have a copy
The school should have a copy of the CO. They should've known to call bm.
If this guy wants bm to follow the CO he should follow it himself. I hope it does go before a judge so a judge can take them both equally to task.
Well I definitely don't know
Well I definitely don't know her . . . I'm just giving my experience from our BM. I apologize for not being absolutely correct and assuming based on my inferences. Our BM won't answer the phone when SS is sick at school. It's a catch 22 .. if dh picks him up . . . He's "violating" court order. . .if he doesn't . . He is a shitty dad . . .Judge states . .it's common sense . . It's in the best interest of the child for dad to pick up child. The judge also told us not to be stupid. . .if ts there's a tornado warning during court ordered drop off time . .you rearrange it. Basically told BM not to be a dumb ass . .
The child was sick . . .
The child was sick . . . .right? Did I miss something . . . Child sick at school . .. miserable . .passing illness . .best interest of the child is to be taken home when sick . .. that's what we do in my part of the world . .
I don't know the details but
I don't know the details but if he was smart he didn't deliberately pick up sd to violate the court order. . .I'm guessing. . .hoping BM didn't want her precious bargaining tool . . I mean daughter .. so she didn't answer . .which is why he got called. .
Agreed...kinda hypocritical
Agreed...kinda hypocritical of him to expect bm to follow the CO when he himself doesn't follow it.
No, nothing about
No, nothing about emergencies. I'm sure the school asked SD and she told them she was going to Dad's on Friday. So that's why they called him. Can't imagine that our judge wouldn't see the logic in that. He's seen BM in action.
I think it made perfect sense
I think it made perfect sense for the school to call dad. What doesn't make sense is dad not calling mom. He didn't give her the opportunity to ask him to run and get the kid or to do so herself. She could have used a half of sick, vacation or personal day. Or she could have opted to take the day without pay.
It's one thing to say dad got a call from the school, he tried but couldn't reach mom so he picked the kid up. However,dad not calling mom changes things.
I was called a few times when the school couldn't reach BM or exDF. I would call him, tell thenkid was sick and he would call BM. If he couldn't get in touch with her, then he would pick the kids up.
What??!! Seriously, you guys
What??!! Seriously, you guys think DH should be punished for picking his sick daughter up at school when the school called HIM? Normally, all pick ups are done at school, but the stupid CO specifies a 5:30 pick up for Christmas break. It's not like this is out of the norm. Besides, how does BM insisting on going against the CO make this any better? This was BETTER and EASIER for BM because she did not have to take off work. It was BETTER for SD because DH works in our town and BM is nearly 40 minutes away. It was BETTER for DH because if BM had picked her up she would have withheld her for Christmas because she was "sick". But yeah, being helpful should definitely be repaid with a bitchy attitude.
Meh . . .shit happens . . It
Meh . . .shit happens . . It is assinine though to say nah nah nah nah you did it so I will too . . .if I had any plans to bring up violating a court order I wouldn't turn around and deliberately do it myself . .
I wouldn't either, but I
I wouldn't either, but I would point out the hypocrisy of the other party to the judge. For whatever reason his "favor" was a favor bm didn't want.
AsGoodAsItGets, I totally
AsGoodAsItGets,
I totally understand why you said what you said about her mom, and honestly, I think it's a forgivable offense. I think all SMs have had a moment where they lost their cool and said something less than stellar about their skids' BM. Heck, half the still married parents I know say something unpleasant about their spouse in the company of their child(ren) now and again - and generally speaking, they don't have all the bitterness, stress, and scheduling BS that comes with steplife. It happens. Doesn't sound like its something you do often, or something you intend to do again. Don't beat yourself up about it.
As far as the CO goes, it seems to me you're screwed if you do, and screwed if you don't. The COs are supposed to spell things out to prevent fighting but I feel like sometimes they just give us all one more thing to fight about. My FDH always wants to cave when BM wants to "temporarily change" our CO. Sometimes, BM's suggestion to "go against the CO" would be more convenient for all of us... in that moment. But it always ends up setting a precedent that results in an unfortunate outcome. You can't count on the BMs to understand the logic or reasoning of what our DHs do. They don't usually want help; they want a fight. Even if it's at the expense of their child(ren).