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What would you do?

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

I haven't been here in a while, mostly cause the situation hasn't changed and I'd just be whining about the same thing all the time. Skids are still brats etc etc, SD7 is okay now that she is on meds, I still don't allow SS9 in my home, with the exception of twice for short visits seeing how it would go. Answer? Not great although it could have been worse, he could have punched my baby in the face again.

Anyways the issue at hand is xmas. Let me start by saying that I'm in so much debt I don't know right from left anymore. I have a constant fear I will have to file for bankruptcy and just when I think everything might get a little better I get hit with another financial hardship. For the past few months anytime I see things on sale I'll pick them up and tuck them away for my kids for xmas. SO usually takes care of his own kids that way because he knows what they like etc and that's just the way we've always done it. I buy for mine, he buys for his. Then we address some from both of us.

SO doesn't have a job. He's had two back surgeries and unable to. He makes no money and I've been telling him for months you got to figure something out. Xmas is rolling around and now his mother is becoming really yappy and demanding. Pretty much dictating what SO will do for xmas and what he will not. Pretty much told him you will NOT spend xmas with your wife and her children and the child you share together, you will NOT have xmas dinner with her and her family at her ailing grandmothers house. You will come to MY house, you will have your children the entire holiday and spend it with them. He flat out told her NO. Now he didn't mean he didn't want his kids over xmas he just meant he would not have them xmas day. I had planned to somehow get them a couple gifts each and have a dinner xmas eve and suck it up and have BOTH of them over and hope it all goes well for the sake of SO.

His mother will not quit. She keeps harping on him about it and he has told her numerous times, I just can't do it, I cannot see them wake up xmas morning to nothing. He has explained they would be much better off with their mother this year as she could provide them a better xmas. His mother is trying to convince him the kids do not need any gifts and not to worry about it. I'm sorry but has this woman ever met children before? Or better yet, has she ever met HER GRANDCHILDREN before? Those kids will expect gifts and a nice amount of them. We tried to work on this, I even took SO down to apply for the Christmas Sharing toy box and low and behold, his ex already has so they would not allow him to. Funny thing is his ex is EXPECTING him to take these kids for xmas knowing full well he has nothing and no way to get them gifts. Now in my opinion, IF this was me and I was expecting my ex to take my kids and knew he had nothing I would offer HIM to be able to get this toy box thing. So wait, she wants SO to take the kids knowing they will wake up xmas morning to nothing pretty much while she has a whole bunch of stuff under the tree at home waiting for them? He also tried explaining this to his mother as well. She doesn't care and won't listen.

It all came to a head tonight when SO's brother who he had an argument earlier in the day with over something completely non related went to his moms house, got smashed with her, filled her head with a bunch of shit which made her start calling SO and harassing him about xmas again. SO got so mad he hung up on her. She started harassing my phone. I refused to answer because I really don't want to get directly involved with this. It got so bad she told SO during one drunken screaming call that since he refuses to do what she wants she has DISOWNED him. Next thing you know BIL has put up a BBM status saying that SO is a deadbeat and has no where to take his kids during visits now since mom disowned him.

WTF?! This is such a mess and just so screwed up. It's been blown so far out of proportion and I cannot believe people act like this! Really?!

BIL went over there on purpose to get their mom all riled up because she was already boozed (she's an alcoholic) because he was pissed at SO for something that was equally just as stupid earlier. He knew what would get her going and he used it to his advantage. About 4 days ago he sat in my home and agreed with SO that he should probably let his ex have the kids xmas day because she could provide better for them this year!

So's sick of the BS, I'm sick of the BS and just wish it would all go away.

What would you do? Say? If anything? I really don't know what to do. A friend of ours and myself defended SO's reason for not wanting to take them this year until we were blue in the face about 2 weeks ago and the damn woman didn't get or accept it then either (she was also drunk that time too).

Even tho skids behavior irks the living shit out of me I would NEVER want to see them wake up xmas morning to no gifts while the other kids open what I was able to get them. That's just horrible. I mean my most fav thing about xmas is watching my kids open their gifts xmas morning.

Oh and PS we had to take SD7 home early today, she's infested with lice again and I bet dear old ex won't even have her clear by xmas anyways. It happened last year and we didn't end up seeing the skids until like 3 days AFTER xmas because of the lice. Sad

So sorry this was so long.


twopines's picture

Personally I would just keep on as you're doing. I'm really good at ignoring people who are whackadoodle, especially if they are DH's family.