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What happened to family love?

Annasmith's picture

I remember growing up, i would save my birthday money just so i can buy my sibling and parents gifts on their bdays in case i came up short around that time. I came from a hardworking family, my parents always put me and my sibling first. We always apprecaited them. With all the ups and downs of a family, one thing we always knew was our parents loved us. 

How is it that most kids these days grow up to be so rotten?

Comments

ndc's picture

What makes you think that many families today aren't as loving as yours was? There were crappy kids and families back then just like there are now.   

Annasmith's picture

There has always been crappy kids and crappy parents. But more so now, there are too many shallow and overly manipulative children these days. No family values or love. Only selfishness! So I'm wondering if parents are doing something wrong or just society all together. 

JRI's picture

You ask a good question, Anna.  I've also noticed that gifts seem less valuable to others.  I remember back in the day that birthday and other gifts were so gratefully received.  Putting aside any family dynamics, I think there are just more things and experiences available now.  I guess this is a first-world problem that we are so prosperous now.  A gift that used to be heart-stopingly great to a kid is now ho hum or a duplicate.

Annasmith's picture

My point was, my parents never asked for anything. And honestly, even knowing they were capable of giving me anything, i still didn't ask myself. but children these days DEMAND for outrageous gifts and when fathers day rolls around, 3 of them chip in and get a box of chocolates. soooo, you're telling me you can ask your hard working dad who busts his butt to buy you $400 sneakers, pay for $200 lashes, $350 sweathers, but you 3 cant chip in and buy something nice? and these are just demands all the time, not even special occasions. P.S. and these children do get allowances have jobs. you can't save up and show some appreciation? 

That's what i mean about kids being so rotten these days. And I'm not sure why it's like that. I see more and more children act this way these days then before. I'm only in my late 30s but times have really changed. 

JRI's picture

They seem entitled and thoughtless.  You're right, they should be showing him some appreciation.

missgingersnap2021's picture

I totally understand what you're post was about and agree. That's why this year before my birthday which is tomorrow I told DH I did not want a gift from SD16. Why? Because it would just be a gift that she gave me with his money because she doesn't work or would ever use her own personal money to buy me something.

shamds's picture

Convenience. Back in the 80s we played together with siblings and apart from the tv, we did productive things together. Current crop of kids have convenience of technology and alot are used to having things handed to them on a silver platter.

steptalk has plenty of self-centred disrespectful skids in abundance and batshit crazy hcgubm, their kids are much the same

shamds's picture

Resourceful, because they find ways of minimising any work possible or how to do it as quickly or half-arsed as possible. 
 

back in the old days it was do it the best quality way possible 

shamds's picture

Resourceful, because they find ways of minimising any work possible or how to do it as quickly or half-arsed as possible. 
 

back in the old days it was do it the best quality way possible 

Kes's picture

There is a much greater degree of entitlement these days, that's for sure.  Kids that grow up just having to "shake the money tree" like my SDs.  I don't think it does any good raising kids to be like this. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Because parents raise them this way...?

I understand the feelings behind this post, but not the logic. If kids feel comfortable treating their parent like a money tree, then perhaps it's because parents have allowed themselves to be treated that way, or they weren't firm enough about placing value on time, people, and things.

I also agree with JRI that the relative ease at which you can buy something, and the cheapness of "things", really devalues them. Televisions used to be expensive, but now you can buy one for $100 for every room in the house. Computers used to be expensive and a luxury. Now, it's a requirement that nearly every school child have one from the time they start kindergarten. Toys aren't made to last, and the array of toys is has drastically decreased from when I was a child. And they're cheap to buy because they're cheaply made with cheap materials.

I also think a lot of kids are disenfranchised from a younger age. In the US, political strife, climate change, lack of social services, poorly-paid jobs, insanely high housing costs, and no long-term plans to address rising healthcare, schooling, and retirement costs drive many to be selfish to protect themselves or throw up their hands because it's a lot to overcome. They have watched their parents suffer through financial crisis after financial crisis. They 4 years of in-state college costing years worth of full-time professional salary to pay back. Some kids may even be the cause of their parents' financial difficulties or bankruptcies because they were born prematurely, or had significant illness or injury as children.

And the thing is, parents don't have time to help their kids handle these things because they're both working 40+ hour weeks and are barely managing to keep it all together themselves. And no, this isn't like it was in the 70s, 80s, or even 90s. Post-9/11 America is different in a lot of ways, and there is no plan to get us forward. There is bickering and arguing and posturing by ADULTS, but that's it.

Let's add that all these things plaguing kids is plaguing adults 10-fold, so their marriages suffer and end, and then kids grow up in "broken families". That isn't always a bad thing, but when it is, it's really bad. So the next generation grows up seeing HCBMs and Deadbeat Dads as the norm. They model that behavior, and the cycle continues.

So when we go blaming kids for being <insert negative attribute here>, we also have to look at what we model as adults for kids to learn from. If we show that it's okay to ask for $400 sneakers and don't speak up about a $10 box of candy, we're telling them "this is okay, you're doing this right". That amplifies beyond family dynamics and into the rest of society, which they're also learning from.

Annasmith's picture

I understand some parents don't know how to say "no" and certain children know that, but is it the parents fault or the kids fault for constantly asking for things? My parents never really said no to me, but if i saw my dad come home tired a few weeks or months in a row, i saw that, i knew he was exhausted and probably not doing great at that moment. I never asked for anything. It's called having compassion. So it's not only the parents fault, kids are beyond selfish and self absorbed these days and it makes me sick. 

ESMOD's picture

Honestly, the parents and society have set expectations that make the kids entitled.

Remember those shows like "my sweet sixteen".. "say yes to the dress".  Kids and people of all ages are inundated with the message that expecting lavish things is a totally realistic goal.  Parents who worked hard and struggled want to give their kids things they didn't have.. and not make their kids have to work as hard as they did.  What they sometimes forget is that the struggle and hard work often made those special things and posessions even more special by virtue of the effort put in.  that the lesson in working for something you want is more important than the kid having said item.

I still remember working for my first goal.. a timex watch.. at maybe 5 years old.. I did "chores" for my parents and even some neighbors... like weeding or raking leaves (yes.. I am now aware..I probably was not earning as much as learning..lol).  I had that watch for years until it was lost in a military move.

But.. a new car at 16?  that is TV land and for wealthy.. no way is that a reasonable thing to expect for most families.. (new cars aren't really reasonable for most people period.. much less a kid. late model used are much better values).

So, it starts early when the kid breaks their tablet and a new one appears shortly.. they see these luxuries as basic items and see their parents as obligated to provide them.

I know my OSD definitely felt she was "abused" because her dad and mom didn't buy her a NEW car at 16.. and all the other designer this and that.. that she thought she deserved.. because she sees others have these things.. either in real life or on social media/TV.

And.. there has been more focus generally on self gratification vs work ethic.  Younger workers want to be validated and have meaningful work.. news flash.. even interesting jobs have mundane things that you have to do.. and sometimes you have to take a job that allows you to finance your hobbies and "wants"... in life.. and your basic needs.

 

All this "living wage" drivel... really irks me because what do people consider "living".. a room for every person in the home.. vs kids sharing (like I did growing up middle class).. sharing a bathroom or multiples (we shared many times).  Latest electronics at each launch? Flat screen TV's for every room?  Cable TV? Internet ( there are free services available in most areas.. may not be convenient.. but usable.. liike in libraries etc..) Does every adult need their own car.. can't people share.. even if it means a longer commute vs spending that extra 600/month on that 2nd car and insurance?  How much disposable income should they have for personal grooming like manicures... makeup.. tattoos.. clothing budget?

And... why do people start families when the work skills they have developed only qualify them for low end minimum wage jobs?  I understand life happens and sometimes people go backwards.. but so many people think they should be able to support their family on a min wage job.. and those jobs really should mostly be for people starting out.. perhaps even teens and young people living at home.. or in shared housing.. I don't think we meant for the cashier at MCD to support his family of 4 with his salary at min wage... 

And why do you only have to work 40 hours.. there are many more hours available in the week.  I know I have worked multiple jobs.. My YSD was working 2 FT jobs plus taking online classes for a year.+. it was tough but she figured it out..  so, maybe a 2nd PT job can make your wages "livable"?  

I'm not trying to be overly judgemental.. I know that there are always special circumstances.. but the "living wage" is a symptom of this entiteled attitude that somehow the world owes you an easier ride than you really are earning.  And honestly.. it is market driven to an extent.. businesses will pay more for skills.. they will pay more for Min Wage when there is more demand for it.  I know that when I lived in CA 20 years ago.. what might be paid at min wage elsewhere was getting a premium there.. because it was harder to get workers.

missgingersnap2021's picture

I love how Sd got a new car the second she turned 16. Its like shes driving it around loving life having no clue what the insurance costs for it. Has probably never spent a dime of her own money to put gas in it and will never have to pay for repairs. And again as I am writing htis before getting on a work call her lazy ass is sleeping in under my roof instead of getting up and getting ready to go to a summer job...

Annasmith's picture

I believe you can give your children nice things, but you need to first put a lot of time and effort into them before handing them a car at the age of 16. It's a matter of putting a nice foundation before handing over the keys. but if you see your kids are lazy and just take advantage, heck no! i'd even take away their bike and have them walk everywhere.

thinkthrice's picture

However I fear social media just encourages the former.  It allows people to be overly aware of what others think and not in a good way.  There is a lot of showboating and the accompanying selfishness.  Shallow character abounds.