Feeling alone...
It seems to me this is the only place I can feel sorry about myself. I have been here for 4 and half years now, but I still don't have any close friends. At first I thought I only need a friend that's close to my age.... Now I think I need someone not only that is close to my age but also in the same marital situation.
Did I put myself in this situation?Did I paint myself into a corner like what J said? Is everything going to be okay if I can just "get along" with everybody? Why do I need to feel so obligated to do something with the girls? Or is it J adding his guilt and pressure onto me?
What's the big deal of me not wanting to take a walk with E? I can say no to anybody about doing anything and J and I can joke about us being anti-social, but I can't say no to E about his suggestion on 2 of us taking a walk? I just don't want to.... stop reading into it, control-freak dad...
Am I being too sensitive? I feel like yelling "I hate you" to him.
He doesn't seem to understand that he holds a very important position for our relationship and also my relationship with the girls.
I need to know that he needs me here also. Maybe I am being too sensitive, because I honestly think it probably won't bother him at all if I just disapper. As long as he still has his girls, he can deal with anything...
We haven't looked at each other in the eyes for a few days now.
We rarely kiss or hug.
This afternoon I found him sleeping in the girls' room when they were out with their mom. That hurt me a lot.... maybe the reason he did that was really simple like what he told me: it was cooler here. (yeah whatever). Maybe he did it without having any intention to hurt my feeling, but it hurts anyways.
I don't know what else to say.....
Michelle
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angelcat06
I know (and have had) a lot of those same feelings…if I’m correct, it seems like you feel like you are not a part of the “family” and they (the “family”) could go on fine without you. I’ve had those same feelings before and expressed them to my husband but he wasn’t able to truly understand what I was saying even though he sympathized with me for feeling that way…I think for me (and maybe for you too..) part of it is that not having any children between the two of you makes it harder in that you can be “replaced”….but stay strong and confident in the fact that of all the women in the world he could have chosen as his wife, he selected you and there is a reason for that….you have the qualities that he was looking for….regarding his sleeping in the girls room…maybe you read too much into it b/c you inserted your thoughts and emotions and used them to interpret his actions (if you have the time read the thread about the powers of our mind!!) You are not alone, we are here! I call this group “my blog girls” and I really feel very close to all of them…I often times find myself thinking “I wonder how Sweetie’s day is going today, I hope things are well with SMIT in newlywed land, I hope lyla wins in court today, etc, etc….” you are at home here and there is no judgment…feel free to share, vent, and laugh with us!!!! WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!
Not too sensitive!
Angelcat,
Your feelings are real and always acceptable. You are not too sensitive. I've had those feelings too and have thought the same thoughts especially about seeming invisible and no one would notice if I disappeared. Unfotunately ,I didn't have a place like this to vent and had to work things out for myself. (trial & error) One thing that works for me is when I'm feeling unloved or unappreciated , I do something special to appreciate and love myself more. (manicure,pedicure, buy myself flowers )But most importantly, especilly if you do not have kids of your own ,is to work towards a personal goal .It sort of diffuses those intense feelings, because you have other things to think about besides his kids and ex. Those things are always out of our control so put your energy into what you can control. The magical thing seems when I concentrate more on loving myself ( especially when I feel my husband distancing himself for reasons he may not even understand) All of a sudden he starts paying more attention to me. Just recently( when I felt like I was looking outside on his family) I signed myself up for a 5 mile race,and worked towards that goal.
The weekend of the race was great! I felt like I got my husband back.