OT - age to stay home alone "overnight", til 1-2am?
DD12 has been alone during the day several times, either for a few hours after school or during the day on days off from school and I'm at work. Twice now, I have left her and one of her best friends home at our house for a couple hours at night, but I've never left her home alone, by herself, at night. She is very responsible, and a smart, respectful kid. I trust her, it's other people I don't trust.
DH and I have plans to go out with some friends on Saturday night, to an after New Years New Years party. It is at a bar 30-40 minutes away. I told DD12 she could stay home if her bff could stay the night. bff's mom said she could come over til 11, and then she would pick her up, but doesn't want bff and DD alone until 1 or 2am. Told DD that bff could stay Friday night instead.
One of our friends offered for DD to come to his house to hang out with his kids (S10 and Dstb13), his sister (kids' aunt) is staying with them. I wasn't too fond of the idea of DD staying home by herself, so perfect solution for all, I thought. DD starts with the waterworks, which usually don't work on me. Saying she doesn't know them, and wants bff to stay the night. I remind her that it's not my decision that bff can only stay til 11pm and I don't want her (DD) along from 11pm-2am.
In my mind, that's when more bad things happen, at night under the cover at darkness. And even though our neighborhood is a fairly safe neighborhood, I worry about the "what ifs". I am still very cautious/watchful about people in our neighborhood that I don't know. Especially with SS21 recently having been to our house, I just don't trust him or any of his dirtbag, drug abusing, low-life friends.
Am I being too paranoid?
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Mine are 17 and 13 and I've
Mine are 17 and 13 and I've left them alone at times while out till 1-2 starting around 13, I was NEVER far from home and my son is and was a VERY mature kid. Everyone will give you a different answer I think it depends on your child, and your state laws. My state doesn't really have a "legal" age it goes mostly by maturity level.
I would not allow it. Can't
I would not allow it. Can't she just go back to her BFF house when her mom picks her up?
Agree^^^ If mom is OK to run
Agree^^^ If mom is OK to run out at 11 pm and pick BFF up, I should think she would be MORE OK with DD just staying the night at BFF's house
I wish this was an option but
I wish this was an option but bff has never invited DD to stay the night or even come over to her house to hang out. A mom of another one of DD's friends (that used to be friends with bff's grandma) says it is because their house is...a wreck. Says bff's mom is a hoarder and they have path to walk through and that's it.
Even if bff invited DD to stay the night, I don't think I would feel comfortable with it. bff's mom is dating a guy who told bff that she was sexy. A grown man telling a 12 year old she's sexy...gives me the creeps!
I would hire an older
I would hire an older teenager to babysit AT home. I don't like leaving kids under 14 alone at night. I worry about fires and break ins. Especially because you are going to be almost an hour away. I wouldn't be ok with it.
Exactly my concerns, I'd be
Exactly my concerns, I'd be too far away if there was an emergency. If there was a fire...we have 3 cats and 3 dogs and I can GUARANTEE DD would not leave the house, she'd be trying to save all our animals!
A break-in worries me even more!
As for an older teen staying
As for an older teen staying with her at our house - I wish I knew someone that could come over to babysit but I really know hardly anyone. All my family and friends are 4 hours away, I only know the friends that DH knew and that I'm friends with now. There is 1 friend I could see if DD could stay the night at their house but I hate feeling like I'm pawning my kid off, me calling them to ask if DD can stay the night instead of them offering or asking for DD to stay the night with their kid. If that makes sense.
Definitely hire a sitter. A
Definitely hire a sitter. A HS Senior with references. Call the guidance office of your local HS.
I don't think I would allow
I don't think I would allow it either.
I wouldn't at 12. DH and I
I wouldn't at 12. DH and I went out for New Year's this year and stayed out until around then. My BS 16 was home alone until we got home but more than 4 years older.
I think I would just make
I think I would just make plans to come home at 11.
This is what I would do.
This is what I would do.
I think 12 is still a little
I think 12 is still a little young, especially with you guys being 30-40 minutes away.
My mom had a group of GFs and the older kids always watched the younger kids on Girls Night Out. When I was older, I was probably 12 and I would be the one in charge and the moms would be out till 2 am. But we lived in a small town. It was safe. I do remember being scared at times, like if I watched something scary on tv.
Unfortunately my bff lives 4
Unfortunately my bff lives 4 hours from here. I have 1 good friend here locally but she has 2 kids of her own.
The kids DD would be hanging out with are not both boys, oldest is a girl that will be 13 in April. DD turns 13 in November so really close in age.
I honestly think the water works were because she wasn't getting her way. She's learned this from SS21, he always cried when DH was trying to play the Dad card, and then DH would cave.
Thank you all for the advice. Anyone that knows me, knows my DD is my main priority 99.9% of the time. DH and I usually don't have date night unless DD is with her BD, but this party unfortunately happens to fall on a weekend that she's home.
No she has never met the aunt, but it would be the same as hiring a an older teenage sitter to come to our house that she'd never met, since we don't have a regular sitter.
Also I've had issues with DD lately being very bossy and thinking she can tell me what to do or not to do. I don't feel that me rearranging my plans just because DD doesn't want to do something or go somewhere like this is a solution. Sure if it was something that would cause her harm, I wouldn't make her do it. But if I "give in" this time and come home at 11 just because she doesn't want to go to our friends' house, I think it would be setting a bad precidence to her that she calls the shots and I'll give in. She's used to getting her way at her dad's house and I don't want to raise an entitled, bossy brat at both houses.