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How did it turn out?

Alien's picture

Hi there. I’m a new stepmom for 12 and 8 year olds. I have beautiful relationship with my DH and we have a son together. 

I believe I don’t really have problems with anything right now. Everything is where it should it. But I keep wondering how it will be in the future. 

So I would like to ask people who have been here for a while now, how is it now 10-15-20 years into your marriage with skids? Do they come often? Do they call often? Are you bios close to step siblings? Are they draining your husbands money? Did bm went away completely? And etc.


I realized even tho the skids are not bad and bm is alright I wait for them to age out so they go away and we could be just ‘our family’.

I find piece in thinking how amazing it is when it’s just 3 of us 

I know it’s selfish but can’t help it. Do you feel like that at all? 



24 years as a SM's picture

How is it after 25+ years with Skids? Disengaged and have nothing to do with SD37, she's nothing but a toxic waste dump and a Leech. I grew a spine and told DH what I felt and I wasn't going to put up with her crap anymore and if he didn't like it, he could leave too.

Does she come by often? Nope only when I am not around. I work from home, so she doesn't stop by.

Does she call often? Nope, she doesn't want to talk to me, because I don't sugarcoat how I feel and I will tell her off.

Are my bios close to SD? Nope, DS41 & DD39 absolutely hate SD37, too many years of watching her being a leech and a b*tch towards me.

Draining husbands money? DH knows that any money he spends on SD37, that I will take 10 times that amount from his savings account and put it in a bank account that is in my name only. DH has agreed to this to keep himself in check from spending too much money. If the man has a dime in his pocket, he will look for ways to spend it.

BM went away completely? BM died years ago, While BM was in the hospital dying, SD37 found BM's debit card and drained BM's bank account. Toxic Waste.

DH retired recently and SD37 has been hounding him to be a taxi service for SGD9 to and from school. Proud of DH, he has set boundaries for this and only picks SGD9 up when he feels like it.

Maxwell09's picture

I’ve been with DH for 6 years. SS is almost 8. My bio will be 4 soon. SS is closer to my Bio than his other brother at BMs. I suspect that has a lot to do with BM spoiling SS on her weekends while actually having to parent OtherSpawn causing resentment and fighting. Me and DH have had primary of SS for five years and we don’t have many problems with him. BM, on the other hand, is like walking a minefield. She is difficult and sulky and resentful. She plays the Disney parent almost as good as she plays MOTY on social media. Something has always told me that year 8 would be SS’s flipping year or rather the year he was going to try to run off to BMs and live it up. BM has hinted to taking us back to court “for SS’s best interest” so I imagine my prediction was right on. I have a count down going even though my skid isn’t as horrible as some mentioned here. But I also mainly raised mine unlike many here. All the same though, I’ll be so ready when we won’t have to constantly worry about BM and whatever she’s up to next. I already told my SS he owes me a retirement on the beach after putting up with all his crazy past. 

Ms_Patricia's picture

I’ve been with DH for almost 4 years. SD is 7, my BS are 4 and 5 months. I still struggle to feel “happy” about SD coming over every other weekend. I just can’t stand some of the things she does such as having an attitude, crying easily, seeking attention, calling her mom on speaker or FaceTime while walking around my house. BS4 and SD do play with each other with occasional bickering. I don’t speak to BM whatsoever because she is crazy and lies. SD has called me a few times before which I thought was nice. I think we both are trying to understand our relationship. I know she is loyal to her mom and I will never try to take her place, but sometimes it’s difficult to understand my role in her life. I too wonder what our relationship will be like years from now. I also think about if SD would still want to come over every other weekend when she is in her teens. No telling what her attitude will be like then.

StepUltimate's picture

.... this website. Your answers are on nearly every page.

TwoOfUs's picture

My three have aged out and mostly gone away...for me. In other ways they are "always there" in every aspect of our lives. 

They are now 19, 21, and 22. I've been in their lives since they were 6, 8, and 9 and married to their dad since they were 10, 12, and 13. 

We are fortunate that they don't ask us for much money. They aren't draining our bank accounts (though my husband's business is), 

That said, I really don't care for them as people and find it miserable to hang out with them for any length of time. My DH will still spring them on me the other night when we went out to dinner with a friend and he invited YSD to join us for dessert...without asking me or the friend who was taking us out if that was OK. Yuck. Ruined my night, and I found it incredibly embarrassing. 

DH will also sometimes insert his offspring into an otherwise lovely conversation without warning. Like we'll be talking about our dreams for the future, and he'll mention he wants to build three cabins on our imaginary future land and name each cabin after one of the skids and let it be "their" cabin. Um. No. 

Or like, this weekend...we're going to see some friends who have gotten an Airbnb in the city that SS lives in. These friends don't know DH's son at all, but DH has already announced that we're going to brunch at the place SS works. Well...DH. Maybe these friends aren't interested in going to see your son and they had something else in mind? 

It's like bioparents (or, at least my DH) can't imagine that not everyone in the world is as fascinated by his dumb kids as he is. So, while I realize I have it way, way better than a lot of people on's like I can't be fully childfree like I'd like to be, either. Kind of an annoying limbo. 


PS - I wanted to have kids with DH but wasn't able to. I think being a Childless SM is a special kind of hell...more so if you aren't childless by choice. 


ESMOD's picture

16 yrs in both step daughters are living on their own 21 and 25 yrs old. Do not ask or get money.  We are in close contact with younger...medium contact t with older who has a child so is busier. No contact with bm

skatermom's picture

It doesn't "turn out." It just keeps going on and on.  I've been a step mom for 10 years.  What I can say is that it's like a rollar coaster, one minute it's all fine and dandy, it almost feels like a real family, next minute - my husband is going into papa bear mode and it's him and his kids vs. mine and my kids.  It's an endless cycle held together by our every other kid free weekends where we can be a normal couple for 2 days.