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Buying a house

Alien's picture

Hello everyone. 

We have been thinking about buying our first home. My dad lives overseas and offered me financial help to get more down like close to %50 of the house. 

Im very happy and excited! But one thing keeps bothering me.  If now DH and I will purchase a house together and something will happen to me the house that my dad will help pay for will be split 3 ways for all my DH children eventually. Which I of course would like to go to my son only. 

How can I protect my sons interests so I’m sure non of the money that my father worked hard to save will go to skids or BM? Can I put the house under child’s name? And if yes how can I softly talk to DH about it...I’m pretty sure that kind of conversation might hurt his feelings and I don’t want that. Thank you all




Curious Georgetta's picture

mortgage payments on a home that you wish to leave exclusively  to your child?

He would be a very unwise man to do that. Why not have your dad by the house and lease it to the 2 of you. Pay rent to your father. Your dad will own the house and he can leave it to you or your son.


lieutenant_dad's picture

Do you expect DH to contribute in any way to the home? As in, will he pay a portion of the mortgage, and help with any remodels/repairs/upgrades?

If he helps pay for it, then he is entitles to a portion of the profits, which he is then entitled to split however he sees fit. If, however, you purchase the home solely in your name and draft an annual lease with your DH where he acknowledges he is only a tenant and not an owner, then maybe. Or, you ask him for zero contribution to the home and handle it all yourself.

You can't expect him to invest in something and get none of the reward. Your dad providing a hefty sum for the down payment should be discussed amongst the three of you. If your dad is giving it as an equal gift to you both, then you have no right to want to claim the full amount of his gift to only your son.

What about buying it on your own and not involving your father? That would eliminate much of this. If you want your son to have a nest egg, ask your dad to put those funds in a trust for your DS (if he is looking to just give it away). Then, your DS gets his piece and you and your DH are responsible for the rest of any inheritance you want for your children.

Notup4it's picture

LI would tell your DH that your dad has the condition that you do a post-nup agreement AND an updated will that these funds are to go to DS and that it is considered living inheritance.  And then the rest of the money you contribute can be split if something happens to one of you. 

I totally get it- I wouldn’t want my inheritance going to my stepkids one day either.  It is really difficult because you want your DH to be taken care of.... but then you don’t want your own child’s inheritance dipped into.  The SKIDS will inherit from their mom’s family as well-  yours only has you guys. 

mro's picture

You and DH should decide together what you want to happen to the house when the first one of you dies.  Sounds like you do not want it to go to the survivor.  I'm not a lawyer but I do know there are different types of ownership such as tenants in common or having it owned by a trust where you both can spell out exactly what your intentions are, including how long the surviving spouse can continue to live in the house and how the assets are ultimately distributed.  But I'm not following why nothing would go to his heirs, unless he is not contributing to the purchase and maintenance at all.  I wouldn't agree to that.  

grace8205's picture

In Canada we can put title in two ways for ownership of more than one person. Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common. Joint Tenants give an equal share to each in title with survivorship rights for the other joint tenant. Tenants in common can be done as 50%/ 50% or 60% / 40% or any other percentage to the parties on title, one person can even mortgage their share and other can be clear. When you are tenants in common you would need to state in your Will where you want this property to go. 

Im sure other countries and states have a similar way to divide title / deed.

mro's picture

That is possible in the US also.  Tenants in common is how DH and I will title our house, unless we put it in a trust.

STaround's picture

With having other than 50/50 ownership of the house, but would like to note that the usual brigade of it is not a marriage if you do not share everything it is not a marriage is not weighing in here.  If I were in DH s shoe, though, I would be thinking, who will be paying most of the mortgage.  If it were him, I would be asking, am I expected to share my money but OP is not.  

TwoOfUs's picture

Oh please. There's a clear...obvious, and legal difference between telling SMs that they get to have a say in how the household handles MARITAL assets such as paychecks, interest, and other income that is earned WITHIN THE MARRIAGE...reminding them that they don't have to roll over and let their DH spend thousands and tens of thousands on his kids while THEIR HOUSEHOLD suffers due to his guilty spendiing...

And talking about how to protect assets from your side of the family that are gifted to you during the course of your marriage. If OP's dad passed away and left her this money, that would be her inheritance and wouldn't be considered a marital asset in any way. Instead, he's wanting to gift it to his daughter while he's still living. Either way, legally and morally that is her money, not a marital asset...and she doesn't have to share it with skids if she doesn't want to...

Harry's picture

And you and your SO paids off the remaining 50%.  His kids are share of the house in 25%. If it’s paid off completely.   First question.  Do you really need your fathers 50% ?  Can you buy the house with out it and put that money in a truss fund.   Will your DH kids receive money from BM home and or , grandparents ect.

Your DH has to understand that this is not a first marriage.  That things work differently in second marriage