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Stepdaughters affection has me sick!

Alena9660's picture

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. I have a son he calls his own and everything has been great until his 21 YO daughter has came back into his life after 12 years of not a single word.I recently broke my leg so things are tough anyway, we both train horses for a living so you can image the stress. His daughter is very affectionate and he treats her like he use to treat me when we were dating. At first I just thought she had major issues and a bad childhood but now that I see them around each other more and more it’s clear there’s an issue. She hangs all over him, squeezing his butt, following him around, constantly grabbing his arm and kissing his neck in front of me. He calls her sweetie pie and they say I love you every 10 min. Their hugs last way to long and she shows up at his work and hangs out with him. They spend a lot of time outside alone.shes not nasty towards me but at dinner last night she was making smart ass faces when I talked and was very rude. If I say anything I’m a horrible selfish person, so I just don’t know what to do. When we were leaving last night he held the door for her and said so softly I love you baby thank you for coming sweetheart I’ll give you a call tonight, it was already 10pm! Meanwhile I’m left to crutch off a curb and try not to fall. Her clothing is inappropriate, and she has overspent her welcome in my home. I’m now to the point I don’t even want to be in the same room, but if I don’t make an attempt I’m the one with issues. I ordered a nanny cam thinking maybe if he sees himself he will understand this is inappropriate and rude. I love this man. How do I make this stop? 

Comments

CLove's picture

She sounds like a mistress, not a daughter. How bad would that be, to carry on an affair infront of your own wife that you have children with!

OP, in addition to nanny cams, do a background check on this woman. They are cheap.

Kes's picture

Pass the sick bag. I see trouble ahead, 12 yrs with no contact then this - I suspect the "honeymoon" phase with his daughter will not last, and then there will be all sorts of anger issues coming out with her against him for the long gap.  If he really thinks it is normal to act like this with an adult daughter then she is not the only one with issues. 

SteppedOut's picture

GROSS! This type of over the top innapropriate behavior would make me feel 100% disgusted. 

Monkeysee's picture

Squeezing his butt???? I’m not sure why he’s ok with that, but she’s not the only one with an issue, they’ve both got issues. This kind of sh*t is exactly why I hope my husbands daughter never decides to ‘meet’ her dad when she’s older. I wouldn’t be able to sit there without being physically sick if this happened in my home, and it would end our marriage. They are well beyond inappropriate & you’re not being out of line by either getting a nanny cam, calling it like it is, or both.

susanm's picture

I don't know if you can make it stop.  It sounds very much like a man with a crush on the cute young thing who is new in his life.  She may be genetically his daughter but he did not raise her or even have any contact since she was 9 years old and now he does not seem to be putting her in the offspring category.  Anyone who tells him that he is being inappropriate and creepy is going to get major pushback because they are essentially calling him an incestuous pervert.  But clearly he has no idea how to act with an adult daughter.  She either has no clue how to deal with a father or is using his confusion between "pretty girl" and "daughter" against him.  I doubt you are the only one who has noticed.  Eventually someone is going to call them out and it is going to be an humiliating scene.  In the meantime, I have no idea how you should deal with it.  I don't think many of us could for long.  Especially if they do this in public.  I can't even imagine.

SteppedOut's picture

"I don't think many of us could for long."

I would have been aghast the FIRST TIME. If it happened again, I wouldn't be able to look at my significant other the same. This type of behavior would have me ending the relationship. 

susanm's picture

No  - there would be a marked decrease in sexual interest on my part!  It is not exactly a turn-on to watch your DH gettin' it on with his daughter.

ITB2012's picture

I got an image of me squeezing my 75yo dads butt. 

tog redux's picture

And him looking horrified, I assume, as OP's DH should look when his daughter does it to him.

justmakingthebest's picture

Have you ever seen the stories of parents and their biological children being separated while the child is very young or an infant, then they find each other later in life and have a sexual relationship? I have heard that it is "misplaced affection" but it happens and gross!!! I really wonder if that is what is going on. 

 

http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/the-risk-of-genetic-sexual-attractio...

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/news/a43973/genet...

 

Monkeysee's picture

This is genuinely a fear of mine. I absolutely would not be able to look at my husband the same again if he had this happen with his estranged daughter. As evil & horrible as I might be, I’d rather her just stay away at this point. I don’t see how they would or could ever have a healthy father daughter relationship when they have always been strangers.

Jcksjj's picture

Omg

I could have happily gone my entire life without knowing this is a real thing.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You're not the first woman to post about this type of behavior on StepTalk. A few other members whose partners have met or reunited with bio daughters have observed this inappropriate and misplaced sexual behavior. You're not alone, and you're not crazy. 

What you've described sounds like Genetic Sexual Attraction. Please read up on it.

I like the suggestion of filming your H and his daughter when they are in the throes of this "mating ritual". Don't say anything judgemental, just get some juicy stuff. Also print off some info about GSA. When then time is right, sit down with your H, show him the gross behavior, and calmly discuss it. He'll likely get defensive, but you know your man and whether Shock & Awe or calm understanding will get through to him. Your DH may wiggle and accuse you of having a dirty mind, being jealous etc, but refer to the video and ask him how he would feel about it feeling posted on social media, or what he would think of _______(insert respectable male friend make here) behaving that way with his daughter. The goal is to get your DH to see himself through another's eyes.

If talking doesn't work, counseling is your next option. Beyond that, it's either live with it (ewwww), or leave.

still learning's picture

I didn't meet my own father until I was in my late teens and I can tell you that never once in our relationship have I squeezed his butt or kissed the front of his neck.  

Either this young woman is a scammer or her and her "father" have crossed some taboo physical boundaries. Maybe she's really his step daughter. Who knows, the longer I live the less things surprise me.  

thinkthrice's picture

long lost daughter demands daaaadddeee whip it out so she can show SM "how it's done" and CG would say it is completely normal.

Her book "Love Bonds:  Incest And The Modern Family" will be on bookstore shelves soon.

Bad