You are here

My Step-Son is returning from Summer Break and I wish he did not return to live with us! :sick:

Abelle's picture

I am a Step-mother with unfortunately NO Children of my own!
I have some issues regarding my 15 year old stepchild!

My Husband has currently shared custody of him with his Ex/Court ordered ...The Step-child was actually given up to reside with us by his own mother's request approximately 4 years ago. It appears-His mother has never been able to get over her marriage breakdown that she caused herself and the fact her ex moved on and then met me.

She has worked very hard at manipulating from a distance and continues to try to destroy the relationship between my stepchild, his father and me, causing friction. She has been quite toxic, and utilizes underhanded tactics to her benefits where it is concerned without any provocation from my partner or I. God knows I've tried to be the "better person" for years. I tried to model good behavior but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

I have tried to Set rules, boundaries, whatever I have to do. I have state my rules calmly, even if I have to twist my stomach like a wet rag, I don't let this kid push me into getting angry. This is what they both, his Mother and him want. (Conspiracy) I do speak my mind. Just as I am doing; I write it all out before I speak to this Kid, sometimes I feel like I walk in eggshells in my own Turf! I believe in REALITY- I'm sick of my husband making excuses AND JUSTIFICATIONS for his Son's disrespectful, obnoxious poor behavior.- Last thing I was told by the "Child" was that " He was not going to lead by my EXAMPLE because he states MY MOTHER raised me like a Communist-under Dictator environment"! YUP!!! However,
They would not think it was right to treat/speak to any other adult in the same manner, why does my husband accept his behavior towards me? I feel ALONE, I don't receive acknowledgement for anything I do for this Kid. HONESTLY, I don't feel anything for this Child, I will never harm him in any shape way or form I just wish He could just LEAVE our home and go back to live with what seems to be now his "GOOD MOTHER"!!! I am so done!!! Someone please advise.?


Disneyfan's picture

Even if that boy never sethought foot in your home again, it won't change the fact that your husband has zero respect for you.

BM and the kid could stop their war against you right now. It won't change the fact that your husband has zero respect for you.

BM and the kid are not your problem

furkidsforme's picture

Seems to me you are focusing on the wrong person. Quit lying to yourself. This isn't about your SS at all. It's about your DH, but for whatever reason, you can't communicate your issues with him on an equal level.

Disneyfan's picture

How do you define support? Do you expect everyone to ignore the obvious(her husband's lack of respect for her) and just blame the kid and his mother?

iluvcheese's picture

Regardless of whether you're his BP or not, you are an adult in your home. Children listen to their teachers at school, they listen to friends parents in their homes, & SS needs to listen to your rules in your home. It's your DHs responsibility to back up your rules & punish when they aren't being respected. You need to thoroughly discuss this with your DH. It doesn't sound like he supports your rules & boundaries, likely for the same reason your SS doesn't. Perhaps try the above explanation, about how kids need to listen to the adults in their lives. It definitely sucks being a step parent, in that kids are more likely to listen to a strange adult than 1 they are living with. I guess it comes with the territory. Get on your man about this, not your SS.

thinkthrice's picture

Good advice! You cannot care more than the bioparent(s) do. Obviously they are shitty parents and want you to do all the heavy lifting. Then be the "bad guy" afterwards. Time to disengage!