I always tell my children my heart is split into two pieces-which holds their name. And that is exactly how I feel, I am engaged-living together with my man which has partial custody now of his set of twin 6 year olds boys. Is crazy because the first year when he had full custody everything was so good, I was like in a long honeymoon with him, falling in love, discovering my bestfriend and finally having a big family that i always wanted. But when the custody was split and we now only get the children part time (since his bm moved back )over a period I started to resent them. Is like phases but now I am in a horrible one that I am afraid-- maybe is not a phase at all? His children has a lot destructive issues, mind you only 5 years old and they were constantly (like 3 -4 x a week) getting in trouble in school (daycare before k-5) that led them getting in ISS (in school suspension), one even got suspended like can't be in school for the day. Like how can a 5 year old kid get suspended? At first I pitied them because they were less fortuned, so I tried to show them love by treating them like my own, buying them clothes, toys and take them to fun places. And when they are all together at times they are joyfull to have a ball, but after a while I started getting annoyed... One is huge (obese) --for a reason, he EATS everything, you give him a slice of pizza and having his mouth stuffed he is worried about the next slice and who is getting it, he wants more then more he always counting who has what- like he is starving and for me is just greedy-and if you let him he will eat the whole pie only to be hungry in 15 minutes again. He is like that w/ everything, food is always running out because he is a complete hog- i am sorry but I hate it when my kids don't have anything to snack on because he ate them all. The the other one is in need of angry management, very disrespectful, curses, -but they both don't listen and just talks and ask questions like a chatter box-so bad that we got kicked out of the movie theater once because they wouldn't be quite.-never took them just my children. And the worst is when they damage or break my stuff or my children's toys I hate it I have things that my 9 year was playing when he was born even-it has sentimental value-and I constantly have to be concerned if they breakit because they are ruthless and clumsy. I am not trying to exagerrate but is so true and now is to the point that I cringe when I know they are coming to the house. I hate it, I get depressed- and the sad thing is that my man noticed it he actually cried to me becaus he loves me so much and he feels that the kids are a bother to me...- I felt so bad and guilty but is true I HATE when they are around I don't understand it but it just came to this point. And I feel so bad and I pray every night that I change my feelings but I can't. His kids are the world to him and he loves me and my children unconditionally. He even tat my children's name (after he did my name ) to show them not me that he loves them equally. Which I do know he cares and loves them but.. equally i doubt it --only because I don't love any one that way I love my children. That is why I say 1 heart two space, I love them uncoditionally and it a remarkable way and I now more than ever seem to NOT let my heart be split into 4-5. I love my man but is a different love, I was really hurt so I follow my heart but I take my brain with me sort of love. Is like I am frozen for those kids and i don't know how to warm it up. It hurt so much because I really want a life with my man but i know that if I don't love his kids it will damage him to the point he will stop loving me. Dont know found this blog and wanted to let it out since I dont' tell anyone how I feel.