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1day@atime's picture

So SS10 has been back less than two weeks. I had c-section 5 weeks ago. Been nursing (also oversupply of milk and he has acid reflux), so I am sleep deprived and noone can help with the feedings. Despite this I've managed to pack up the baby and take my 3 year old out to the park, lake, pool, library. The other day I had to pack both of my boys up to take my SS10 to his open house (it was early in the day while DH was working).

SS has been doing his usual, "I love you" (when we're at the store right before he asks to get something). This is normal for him and although it annoyed me, I tried to ignore it, but he then said something (I actually overheard him saying this to his Dad) that I can not ignore. He had gotten in trouble for not following my instructions and not asking to go to a friends. Apparently he claimed he told me, but this had to happen as he was mumbling it while he walked out the door. My DH explained to him he needed to ask, and if he didn't hear a response, it was not OK. My SS then said "Why do I have to get in trouble just because she doesn't hear me? All she does is sit on the couch and watch TV." Since I overheard this, I then made my presence known. "Wow." I said. "What did you say?" My SS had then walked away. My husband tried to cover for him and only repeated the part where he asked why he had to get in trouble if I didn't her him. I told him no, I heard what he said. I went into my SS10s room and ask him if he had the guts to say that to me. I told him I didn't hear this when I took him where he needed to be. And did he have his stomach cut open? And did he want me to wake him up every 1 1/2 to 2 hours when the baby did. He did not respond. I told him to stop telling me he loves me and acting fake. Honestly that kid didn't deserve an explanation of anything i do. His Mom and Dad both work. If it weren't for me, he'd be in Daycare instead of running around with his friends.

My DH really layed into him that night, but it's no use. SS never apologized (not that id believe him) but of course he tried to talk to me the next day like nothing happen. DISGUSTING. Does he really think I'm going to cater to him after all of his two faced B.S. Probably. Because similar stuff has happened before and I've stayed because I love my husband. However, I have a breaking point and I'm there. When I leave I know my SS won't care because he has feelings, but he'll sure miss having me around to use. I have two beautiful and loving children that have to grow up in a split family because of this kid. I admit my husband and I have been having issues regardles of my stepson, however, they are issues that would not lead to a divorce. My stepson, however is leading us to divorce. Or my inability to pretend it's all ok. If I had no clue or no self-esteem I'd be able to stay. But I'm not stupid and I do care about my happiness/sanity. I've never felt more hopeless in a situation. It seems lose/lose. I'm scared I'd be making the wrong decision for my kids to leave. It's this indecision that has kept me in this miserable limbo.


Bojangles's picture

I absolutely understand your distress, but I would urge you not to make any momentous decisions so soon after giving birth. Don't underestimate the impact that fluctuating hormones, sleep deprivation, and the hell of dealing with acid reflux is having on your state of mind, and your capacity to manage your SS and deal with issues with your DH. It sounds like your DH is at least trying to back you up, unlike some of the Dad's described on steptalk. It's not suprising that your SS has NO conception of the effort involved in taking care of a baby, but his attitude is unfortunate to say the least and it's very difficult to cope with that and a baby with acid reflux. Is there any way you could take a break and stay with family? Or your SS could go to his BM for a few weeks so you can focus on your baby?

1day@atime's picture

I've been having issues with SS well before I was pregnant. He just got back from BM who lives several states away. He had just spent 8 weeks of the summer with her. My DH has him for the school year. It's not just that one comment. He's notorious for kissing my butt (I guess in an effort accumulate things/privelages), and other people's as well, and talking major sh*t, sometimes for attention, sometimes if he doesn't get his way. Problem is, he constantly contradicts himself.
Another problem is my husband travels a lot with his new company. He's traveling out of the country for over a week. I feel completely taken for granted in this family. My baby finally fell asleep and I'm too stressed to sleep. I definately plan on disappearing with my sons as much as possible when my DH and SS are here. It's actually not as bad when SS and I are here until DH gets back from work because he can disappear with his friends (other than the fact that he doesn't check in or ask permission as instructed, but I can just stop engaging). It's when my DH wants us all to have family time. Can't pretend to be halfway OK with a kid that has been fake and manipulative the past 5 years. Would be easier for me if he didn't kiss my ass before talking smack. I know I talked to my friends/family about my Mom/Stepdad when I was mad at them, BUT THEY KNEW I WAS MAD AT THEM TOO! It's too much for me to bare.
I don't want to post on here for years with the same problem. I want it to change, so I don' t have to post about it. But yes, I'll try to hang in there, but I can't do it without knowing something's changing, either him or my living situation.