BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED
So SS10 has been back less than two weeks. I had c-section 5 weeks ago. Been nursing (also oversupply of milk and he has acid reflux), so I am sleep deprived and noone can help with the feedings. Despite this I've managed to pack up the baby and take my 3 year old out to the park, lake, pool, library. The other day I had to pack both of my boys up to take my SS10 to his open house (it was early in the day while DH was working).
SS has been doing his usual, "I love you" (when we're at the store right before he asks to get something). This is normal for him and although it annoyed me, I tried to ignore it, but he then said something (I actually overheard him saying this to his Dad) that I can not ignore. He had gotten in trouble for not following my instructions and not asking to go to a friends. Apparently he claimed he told me, but this had to happen as he was mumbling it while he walked out the door. My DH explained to him he needed to ask, and if he didn't hear a response, it was not OK. My SS then said "Why do I have to get in trouble just because she doesn't hear me? All she does is sit on the couch and watch TV." Since I overheard this, I then made my presence known. "Wow." I said. "What did you say?" My SS had then walked away. My husband tried to cover for him and only repeated the part where he asked why he had to get in trouble if I didn't her him. I told him no, I heard what he said. I went into my SS10s room and ask him if he had the guts to say that to me. I told him I didn't hear this when I took him where he needed to be. And did he have his stomach cut open? And did he want me to wake him up every 1 1/2 to 2 hours when the baby did. He did not respond. I told him to stop telling me he loves me and acting fake. Honestly that kid didn't deserve an explanation of anything i do. His Mom and Dad both work. If it weren't for me, he'd be in Daycare instead of running around with his friends.
My DH really layed into him that night, but it's no use. SS never apologized (not that id believe him) but of course he tried to talk to me the next day like nothing happen. DISGUSTING. Does he really think I'm going to cater to him after all of his two faced B.S. Probably. Because similar stuff has happened before and I've stayed because I love my husband. However, I have a breaking point and I'm there. When I leave I know my SS won't care because he has feelings, but he'll sure miss having me around to use. I have two beautiful and loving children that have to grow up in a split family because of this kid. I admit my husband and I have been having issues regardles of my stepson, however, they are issues that would not lead to a divorce. My stepson, however is leading us to divorce. Or my inability to pretend it's all ok. If I had no clue or no self-esteem I'd be able to stay. But I'm not stupid and I do care about my happiness/sanity. I've never felt more hopeless in a situation. It seems lose/lose. I'm scared I'd be making the wrong decision for my kids to leave. It's this indecision that has kept me in this miserable limbo.