So glad I found you - finally somebody gets it!!!
I came across this site a few weeks ago when I felt really frustrated about some Step related issue. OMG, I am so glad I found you! I feel like all of you get it and I can relate to so much. I have been a SM for 10 years now (he is a teen now) and he lives with us. It's not bad overall and we don't have nightmarish issues but it's still so freaking hard sometimes and the whole dynamic is not the same as my bio-kids with my DH.
I am also a member of another mommy board that is mostly married bio moms and any time I bring up an issue involving SS, I regret that I did it. It's amazing how much they can't relate. It's so hard to explain to people who have not been there that it's not easy and automatic and not sure if realistic to love stepchildren exactly just like your own, there is no love feedback from them the same way you get from your kids, etc. Really I end up feeling like a bad guy any time I try to explain any of that. Frankly, at times, I can't explain it to myself - it's just feelings and they are not the same and my influence is not the same even if the kid is in my house.
When I see posts on here: "I can't stand my SS/SD" - gosh, I feel so bad and I hate to say it but I can relate frequently even if I wouldn't put it in those exact words.
Anyways, this website is going to be my little secret from my husband (who also doesn't get it how freaking hard it is to be a stepparent! - he says it shouldn't be any different to me, whatever) and from my other mommy message board where they all hold hands and sing kumbaya :). I love them but they just don't get all the turmoils of stepparenting.
Welcome, and we get the
Welcome, and we get the turmoils...and then some. Nice to meet you.
I felt the same way when I
I felt the same way when I stumbled across this site. I had so many emotions that made me feel like I was a bad person because his kids drove me up the wall. Now I understand I am not a bad person at all and have been given the tools by everyone on this site to work on a successful relation with my SO.
Welcome btw!!!
Welcome btw!!!
Welcome! You'll feel normal
Welcome! You'll feel normal here.
My real life girlfriends and I get together a few times a year and have vented about ALL the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of our lives since high school. Now that there are step kids in my mix, guess who is the monster?
They say,
"Blayze, you should just love SD's like your own."
"Y'all need to just get full custody of them."
"They can't help it... they're kids!"
...this from MY GIRLS for life.
You'll never get it unless you're a stepparent...specifically a SM opposite a crazy BM.
This coworker of mine was
This coworker of mine was chatting with me and she told me that her friend said: "My SD is finally 18 and she is graduating from HS and moving out. I am so relieved that this is over!" I am sure that lady and her husband will keep in touch with that girl but the coworker was just horrified by that comment and she couldn't get. Well, I do, I get it. My SS is not that bad but I admit that I think things will be easier when he moves out. At the very minimum, we will have one set of rules for kids that we will be enforcing.
Oh don't you love that "get
Oh don't you love that "get full custody of them". This is the only advice and the reason I have mostly stopped talking to my friends and family they always say "well you need to go to court". Yes and who is going to pay for the lawyer and court fees? Who is going to deal with the younger one that is so far stuck up her mother's ass you can't tell where one begins and the other ends I am sure she would just be a JOY if we had her full time and took her away from precious mommy dearest.
No one quite understands a
No one quite understands a step-parent like another SP. I am lucky, I was a skid ha ha so I have an amazing SM and SD. Who I can reach out to when things are tough. But friends and coworkers aren't SPs they are either Bios or not a parent yet. So I get judged. I do a lot for my skids...a lot. I buy them clothes when BM doesn't bring them back. However they call me an evil step mum...well what do they know. I am new but glad you found this forum too. Hope it brings you the relief it gives me
Welcome! I know exactly how
Welcome! I know exactly how you feel about finding this place, talk about a sanctuary!
They are still in Elementary
They are still in Elementary school here soo many years to goo...
oh no.. I asked the Eight
oh no.. I asked the Eight year old where she put her hat the other day and she stared at the wall umm yeah that's where it is. So ten hopefully not plus for her!
I swear Ima throw myself the
I swear Ima throw myself the BIGGEST party when SD leaves my house! I literally cannot wait! Nothing makes me happier than the thought of her leaving... and I hope she moves FAR, FAR, away.
So yes... I understand
Nice to meet you! Keep your
Nice to meet you! Keep your halo on to the other people and say what you want here. Someone's got to put the little fuckers In their place but you got to go about it the right way so good advice here
Welcome! I think a lot of us
Welcome! I think a lot of us share that same feeling of relief of finding others "like us" since in today's society if you are even so much as indifferent towards your stepchild (let alone dislike them) you're seen as an awful human being who is not deserving of love. This site is my "dirty little secret" as well.