I was disciplined for trying to discipline the kid
This is how it all happened. My fiance and I decided to have some beers last night as we haven't seen each other much lately. Of course the FT kid (16) wouldn't give up the big tv and go into his room. SO my fiance agreed to playing some xbox w/ him. For the next 20mins the kid goes on to call my fiance things like a tool, stupid, idiot, asshole, etc. I just shut my mouth and sat there playing w/ my phone, waiting. The dog was sitting next to me and she was scratching. The kid gets up, comes over and hits the dog w/ his foot (it wasn't exactly a kick, as I've seen before). I tell him not to hit the dog, as I've said before when he did kick her in front of me.
Irritated I decide to take the dog outside. We come back in, fiance is done playing and the kid says something to his father like "you're a drunk idiot". My fiance only had a few beers within a few hours, he wasn't drunk. He gets mad tells the boy to go to bed, takes his phone. I go outside for a smoke. I come back in and he's all you can't discipline the kid. He said to pretty much suck it up and deal w/ it. He said he didn't hurt the dog and he does it all the time. He said me saying something to the kid will cause a riff between us (the kid already ignores me so why say that).The kid punches and kicks his father WEEKLY. 90+% of the time he does nothing to discipline him. There have been times in the past I told the kid not to hit his father when he has acted out in front of me. He's completely disrespectful. I later told my fiance I wouldn't sit there and watch him act like the spoiled brat he is and I would say something if I felt the need to. Things seemed ok.
FFWD 30 mins. I leave the house for 10mins and as I walk back to the house, I see the kid back in the living room, on the TV again, playing games! Prior to leaving I checked to see if his phone was still in the cabinet and it was gone, he gave it back to him!! SO I left. My fiance was sending me nasty texts telling me to get back there and after I said he did a nice job of disciplining the kid, since he was supposed to stay in his room/in bed, he said if I wanted your parenting advice he'd ask!! From that point I turned my phone off. This morning I wake to a bunch of nasty texts including we were done and he wants the ring back.
I'm at the point that if this is end, so be it! I'm good enough to cook, drive the kid places, mend clothes, etc but GOD FORBID I say something when he acts as he always does. This is why I haven't been in a rush to set a date as I don't want to live w/ the kid.
His behavior has been increasingly worse as he gets older. A month of so ago he wanted a beer and my fiance asked me to get him one since I was in the kitchen!! I said absolutely not! And the kid put up a fight saying he was a buzz kill and he's had beers before at this mother's family functions. If he's like this now, there's no way I want to be around for 18.
Sweet baby jesus.... WHY are
Sweet baby jesus.... WHY are you with this "man"???? He doesn't respect you, hell, he doesn't even seem to LIKE you in this story. Woman, get the hell out while you can!!
Give him the ring, take the
Give him the ring, take the dog and you two go find a nice man who respects you and doesn't think abuse is an ok thing. All kinds of abuse, the physical abuse that kids does to him, the verbal abuse that kid gives you, and the animal abuse which I would have already reported.
Don't be the next one his dad says is ok to hit and kick and call an asshole or bitch or drunk idiot. There's much better men, with or with out kids.
Run for the hills girl- it
Run for the hills girl- it will not change- your FDH does not respect himself much less respect you. You can find a BETTER MAN.
I don't know how long you
I don't know how long you have been with your fiance, or how invested you are in this relationship...but I would return that ring, and tell the guy, "YOU said we're done, we're done! I can't spend the rest of my life watching this kid treat you like crap, and deal with him treating me like crap! You have fun!" Walk away, and don't look back!!! It may be hard, but you are better than this!
Had I known before marrying DH that things would end up like they did, I would have run! Right now I'm so thankful SD (aka HHB which stands for Her High B***hness) moved out of our house! Unfortunately, I still have to deal with her for visits...like tonight. I want to just hide in my office all evening! It's like these guys know their kids are little sh*ts, but how dare you say a word about it. But when they need help with rides, meals, etc. they think you need to bend over backwards for their kids. DH even tried to get me to be HHB's best friend. I had to tell him, "I'm not going to sit here with her treating me like crap all the time, and then go take her shopping at the mall! You must think me out of my mind!"
Oh, I have it in a nice
Oh, I have it in a nice little hiding place, as well as all the pot notes between her and her friends.
I'm trying to understand the
I'm trying to understand the fiance part.
I JUST got married to a 16
I JUST got married to a 16 year old's father. He lives with his mother and has no respect. He has always (and from what I've witnessed - the three years I''ve been with the father) . He has a lot of passive aggression he throws around, but not physical. My advice is think it through before you tie the knot. It will only get worse if there is no change. Plus, the kid will only resent you for intruding on his space, no matter how he treats his. If it isnt taken care of now, it wont be taken care of in the future unless he is at the end of his rope, and that takes A LOT, especially if the father wants to be a friend. The kid's mother is now worse. She is angry and vengeful. Please, think it over before you get married. It is easier getting in than getting out.
THIS^^^THIS^^^THIS One think
THIS^^^THIS^^^THIS
One think I didn't think about in my original response...the backlash toward you. If you marry this man, it is highly likely that you will need to be alone with this kid at times. Let's just say that even though I did all I could to avoid HHB when I was stuck being home with her, I can promise you with what I've found yesterday that this girl has been telling probably the worst kind of lies about me. I mean, she used to tell DH that I scared her (which was a bunch of bull...I would talk sternly to her if she was giving me lip and that "scared" her...yet, BM often goes on crazy rages throwing things, screaming, cussing and that doesn't scare the girl). I can only imagine what the girl has told friends and such about me, considering I found among the pot notes one from a friend that said, "I'm sorry you are going through all the bullsh*t with your family at home" and the journal where she is saying she can't take the abuse any more!
He has kicked the dog more
He has kicked the dog more than once? What are you waiting for? Take the dog and any other animals in the house and get out. The dog has no one to protect him except you.
Yikes, I thought my bf was
Yikes, I thought my bf was bad. I mean, he's an idiot, but your fiance has raised it to a whole 'nuther level of disrespect. I feel sorry for you. Do you have friends in real life? Girls that can talk some sense into you? I don't even know you, but I can tell you that you don't deserve this. I feel sick. My bf's son is almost 15 and I'm imagining being in your shoes. No freaking way. Or maybe I feel sick because I read the incest post a few minutes ago, idk... Anyway, sell the ring. Take a vacay.
You didn't discipline him,
You didn't discipline him, you just told him not to kick your dog. I must have missed something. Your husband sounds like a douchbag.
My dog "beats" PrincASS15
My dog "beats" PrincASS15 with his tail. Maybe the dog abuses the douchry fiance's kid...
To folks in denial about
To folks in denial about their kids, anything we say to their spawn is considered discipline! While DH doesn't go off like OP's SO did, I have been told that:
1) I'm too harsh on HHB
2) I scare HHB
3) HHB has a low self-esteem, so I need to watch how I say things to her
Any opinions I have about punishment, until recently, had been ignored. She was sent to live with us the day she was caught skipping school and smoking pot, and when I asked DH about punishment, I got, "She didn't do it while living here. She already got yelled at at BM's." REALLY? HHB will cop HUGE attitude with me, and DH would just sit there. HHB would basically yell at DH, and when I tell her she shouldn't talk to her father that way, again, he sits there!
As for the above?
1) I never asked anything from HHB that I didn't expect from my bios...clean up after yourself, show respect, etc.
2) I very rarely yelled at her. I could count the times that I went into full yelling mode in HER LIFETIME on one hand! I never even really yelled at my bios! Talk sternly to let them know I mean business? You bet! I never got in her face...always was several feet away from her. If I was sitting I stayed sitting. If we were in the kitchen, I would stay on the other side of the island.
3) HHB is full of herself! She dresses in hoochie clothing, hair and makeup always needs to be on point (she can't even go to the grocery store without it), she is always talking about how great she is or how better she is than others (when she isn't talking crap about others), the girl has more pictures of herself on her phone and computer than ANYTHING else, etc. Low self-esteem my ass!
This is exactly how it goes
This is exactly how it goes down with SD19 at my house. She "can't take it" because I asked her to remove trash from her room. The day after DH has asked her to do the same thing and she decided to do zero. DH continued to change the light bulbs in her ceiling fan as she thew things past him at her closed door.
DH didn't say a word. Idiots.
Oh .... FUCK ..... NO!!!! If
Oh .... FUCK ..... NO!!!!
If my brothers or I had ever made the mistake of even lipping off to our parents even once much less hitting or kicking our USMC father we would have been picking up pieces of our faces and ass for reattachment at the ER let me tell you.
Why are you even wasting time with this useless waste of skin? As for the ring ... that is yours. He gave it to you. It is yours. Sell it and take a cruise.
Please, do not burden yourself with any more of this toxic characterless POS. Call the locksmith, rekey the locks, and put this idiot and his toxic spawn on the curb.
NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep the ring. Ditch the
Keep the ring. Ditch the loser and loser, jr.