I have a BM situation(long)
DH and BM were done a long time before I came along. She cheated on him and then turned around and TRIED to cheat on the boyfriend with DH(that was before me, or I would have dealt with her), stole money from DH, lied to the courts about DH to get c/s that she wasn't entitled to, ran up credit cards behind his back, she is a liar and a con artist. To this day, she is scamming money(a lot) off of her retarded/blind exBF. She is stealing so much, she recently practically stopped working altogether. She is a self-centered, narcissistic, envious, devious, calculating person.
DH used to want to stab her-he'd say. (really he wouldn't hurt her or any woman). Well, BM fed their now adult son alcohol beginning when he was around 15. Adult son is getting out of prison in about a month. BM asked Dh if he wanted to ride there with her to pick him up. It's an hour and a half away. I don't like BM calling all the time about kid things(they also have a daughter that is with us half the time)and then turn the conversation into something about her and her problems. She hangs out in the driveway talking to Dh too long during drop offs and the other day she GOT OUT of her vehicle to hand him a paper-wearing these skin tight jeans and low cut shirt with her nasty boobs all over the place. She looks like she lost a little weight, so she has an even flatter ass than normal. I think she thought she looked good, and that's what pisses me off. She brought the skid here to barge into my house unannounced because she forgot something-doors were locked. (Ha) The woman seems to have no respect for me, my marriage, my home...all she seems to think about is herself and her agenda.
I have talked to Dh about the attention that she seeks(and gets) and I dont think he understood that when she does stuff like that its a power trippin ego booster for her.
I am going to be out of town the day of prison pick up, and even if I werent, I have better things to do with my time than screw around with there screw up of a son.
Dh told BM he was going to check with me on riding up there together. Uh, well HELL NO! But I think dh actually LIKES for me to get pissed off and jealous. If he goes with her, I don't know what I'm going to do. It's not that I think they're going to f*ck on the way to the prison and the SD11 will be with them, but it's the fact that they will probably stop and have lunch like a happy little family of four. And BM will LOVE that dig on me because she is jealous of me, my kid, my job, my house, and I think she's pissed that I didn't have to get knocked up for DH to marry me.
What am I supposed to say to DH and since he wont listen because he cares more about himself than he does me, then what am I supposed to say to BM? I dont want the skids mad at me, but damnit, I would NEVER disrespect my exH's wife the way this B8tch disrespects me. It's just appalling.
Your DH does like her
Your DH does like her attention. There is NO reason for him to maintain a relationship with her - especially since she sounds like a true POS. It's not like she is a fairly decent person and they are just maintaining a cordial relationship for their daughter.
What should you say to her - NOTHING. never. Do not talk to her, about her, etc. She needs to be removed from your life.
You cannot force your DH to do anything. You can calmly tell him what you would prefer to keep you happy. If he chooses his little flirtation with BM it tells you a lot. If your DH really cares more about himself and BM than he does about you and your marriage there is nothing you can do to make him change how he feels.
Then it is up to you whether you can live in a marriage where you are not respected.
fyi - I have ss27 who has been in jail multiple times. He can NEVER live with us. Has been to visit us in another city a three times. The first time I invited him. The next two times someone brought him with them. I gritted my teeth thru it but I will never willingly have him her again.
I love when they say I have
I love when they say I have to check with so and so, then all blame of the decision of course becomes because of us. SO does this when people ask him to do things he doesn't want to do/have $ for, I made a blanket statement on fb that his decisions are just that his I don't control the choices of a grown adult. He didn't like that tough.
I feel like telling BM that
I feel like telling BM that she is an intrusive b*itch and to never ask MY husband to go anywhere with her. But you guys are right-that would please her to know I'm pissed and she'd likely invent other things to piss me off with-all the while laughing.
Yeah, both parents going to pick up the loser. Do I have to go through this EVERY time he goes to prison? You know he'll just end up back in there they way they coddle him. He's 22 freakin years old!! he wont come to live with me thank God! Mommy has his bedroom "all ready for him" and there is a new used vehicle in the driveway waiting for him. Wow. What failures as parents. Pathetic.
I plan to tell Dh that riding with the BM would really hurt me and that I would NEVER ride an hour and a half each way with my exH because I RESPECT DH. He promised to love, honor,and cherish me. But what he really meant was, "I need someone to take care of me and SD and I guess you'll do."
If he goes with her anyway, things will never be the same between us. And she's just a b^tch!!! I liked it so much better when DH wanted to stab her in the eyes. And when her bf lived with her. I didn't even know how good I had it.
Now, I know he is tryign to be nice because of their kids. I'm nice to my exH, but we don't go places together, break bread together, and we don't have anything to talk about but BD.
Besides the fact that my Dh is a prick, I have learned from this how to be the BM that Sm's dream of. My exH's wife have no problems because I stay out of their lives and I feel good enough about myself that I don't need attention from someone else's husband. Oh, and I have never and would never send my BD into the exH's house without calling first. If I planned to go over around 3, my ex is still at work, so his wife is home so SHE would be the one I would call for permission.
What a mannerless pos my Dh bred with!!! I absolutely despise her.
" Do I have to go through
" Do I have to go through this EVERY time he goes to prison? "
This made me laugh. I know it's not really funny as my SS is a multiple offender too.
SS spent almost 4 years in juvie jail - must have been something pretty bad to get that long of a stay at that young of an age.
He's been to jail for small sentences for not paying fines. We did not go welcome him home from "camp".
But I think he's about ready to get sent to prison. He's driving a car with no tags or license. I am sure he drives drunk - he's always drunk. And from the money he suddenly has I am pretty sure he is dealing. I don't even know where the prison is in the state he is in - nor do I intend to find out.
Today I just came right out
Today I just came right out and asked Dh if he spoke with BM about riding to prison together and he said that they WERE riding together. I hit the ceiling. Naturally.
He said their son has been gone a year and that BOTH of them miss him and neither one of them want to ride back without their son in the car with them. Hello, the son is going to LIVE with the BM. The hour and a half trip is more important than DH honoring his wife?
And BM needs to step the f off right f-ing now. It was her big idea. It always is. So is the welcome back party. yes, his fuk up BM is throwing a party for her felon son.
I did use examples like how would you like it if I took a road trip with my exH or exBF? And I don't even care what the reason is. Doesn't matter. He said I am being ridiculous.
I said he has no bounderies with the BM and it was like I was talking Japanese. Geesh-he's never even considered my feelings in relation to himself and the BM? Wow. I asked hin if he even KNOWS HOW TO HONOR HIS WIFE and he said he guesses not.
If he goes with her, I'm not leaving. That means the b*itch wins and she can fuk my husband again. I will stay and stay and stay and stand in her way forever. Maybe. I don't know. I'm fed up with this family.
He's playing dumb. I have already talked to him about the way she seeks his attention. I was like, "you need to learn how to say NO to that f-ing bitch!"
I just want the bitch to stay out of me and Dh's marriage. Period. All DH would have to do is tell BM one time. One time is all that it would take if he just told her, "You know, I thought about it and I think it would be best if we rode separately because I love my wife and I think it would be a dishonor to her for us to take a road trip together. My marriage is important to me and I don't want to do anything to hurt my wife's feelings."
Why is that so hard???? Then she would be sure that I matter and get the f out of my driveway and stop using DH as her personal F-ing counselor. She would at last be put in her place. Her place is the EX_WIFE.
I feel like puking.
Call him on his cell phone
Call him on his cell phone and talk to him during the entire drive.
He is the only adult on the
He is the only adult on the planet that doesn't have a cell phone because he "doesn't want a leash".
C'mon oldone, I need some help. I am a nervous wreck! I may actually leave and have to uproot my BD over this lack of boundaries crap while BM is just eating it up.
I'm not sure but I think he's
I'm not sure but I think he's just a guilt-ridden father. No matter if parents wash their hands of their kids wrong doing, they still feel they were responsible. Think he may also want the other accomplice to be around to lessen the "heat" / responsibility for his own actions. Meet Mr. & Mrs. Jones--the worse parents around. I kinda see his point.
BUT...he still needs to honor "his wife". It should have been discussed with you, even if he knew you'd hate the idea. Most of all, he should have dragged you by your hair if he had to, to accompany him to do this with you & him in one car & BM in another car. This was a fool's move. He should have thought about this carefully even if for the sake of his son. He kinda blew it for you to even find a little sympathy for his kid. Stupid man move.
No way. I am not going to
No way. I am not going to waste a perfectly good day by being around a hag I can't stand and the SS who will end up back in prison. My Dh? I told him I am leaving him.
I'm not leaving him, but he just changed the rules some more. There's this, and I suppose he will be going to the getting out of prison party, too. (I am not going). DH also recently went to a poker game of his budddies. He is always home by 9pm-they play most Sundays. A few weeks ago it was 9:50 and he still wasn't home so I went to his buddies house to see if he was there or if he was dead in a ditch somewhere. He got PISSED THE F OFF THAT I CAME LOOKING FOR HIM. I apologized and said I expected him around 9. He said "don't EXPECT". Ok. Sorry, I got a little off topic there and I'm not done
The new rules: I can go where I want with whomever I want. When I go out somewhere, I don't have to tell him when I plan to be back. No more boundaries with ex's. If I want to chat with old boyfriends, it's fine.
This just changed everything. He really doesn't care how I feel.