Im sure that Sd would never be able to get your children to hate you, as they are babies of course you will feel protective of them, especially as your Sd is badly behaved, you don't sound crazy, I understand and I don't have my own children. What has your husband done to address his daughters behaviour? You are within your rights to say that if she can't behave around your children, then she can't come to the house, please have a calm chat to your husband about your feelings, say that you don't want Sd to stay away, but her behaviour does concern you, your 2 yr old, is old enough to copy her, I hope your hubby takes this seriously and deals with it so you have some peace of mind.

I feel this way lately. I realize as I write this that we only do the 'cool' activities when the step kid is here, but that life gets bland and disorganized when she isn't.
I am the ADHD one though - super disorganized... can't even have supper on time. So he has that advantage - he is the stay at home and I am the professional.
Thanks for this post - got me thinking.

I am sure that kid isnt clever enough to try that. Even if they were, it will never work. teach your kids that if this ever happens, to come straight to you to talk about it. then leave it.

but yes, its fine to want to build something without the step kid. you have a birth family outside of her. enjoy it outside of her. I think this is exactly what i am going to start doing, take my 2 birth kids every week, and enjoy them without the step kid dynamic.

I'm the same way with DS1. I fret at leaving him with dh when she is here. I avoid asking him for help when she is here because i know that means that she'll be up his ass the whole time because she can't stand for him to even look at ds1 if she isn't included. I worry that she will someday make him feel responsible for her with her entitlement issues. I want him to love and to be compassionate. I do not want him to be taken advantage of in the name of "she's his sister and he owes her a good life" way. She already uses him to make herself the center of attention.

I feel a lot of the time the birth mothers train the step kids to try to fight for attention. They get all these super negative visuals about what must be going on in the house... how their kid is being replaced by new kids and to fight for the daddy.
I talk to the dad point blank at every time. I say that I do not appreciate any special attention. He is really good and he stops her now. If we all sat together, she would squeeze in beside him. If he was talking to anyone but her, she would jump on his lap and turn his face toward her and say LOOK AT ME. If one of our children received a compliment she would pipe up asking about herself and where her compliment was. If she ever got anything good/special, she rubs it in the other children's faces openly, and says things like ' o boy wait until XXXX hears about me doing this. He will be so jealous! haha'. All we can really do is explain how it makes others feel. Really drill in the guilt! This is what guilt is for. USE IT!!!
In terms of the too much attention crap, dad needs to stop now. Intervene at all times. Explain what you would prefer to see.

I felt the same way when my bios were young. Thankfully as a mother you will be you kids' primary influence. My bios are now 14 and 12, and nothing like the skids. They comment how they will never blow their GPAS in high school, get expelled from college and fired from every job within a month as skids 22 and 20 have done. They know their half sibs are losers and have no desire to even be around them. The tolerate a holiday or birthday dinner with skids every few months to please their father. Raise your bios as you know you should and they will see that they do not want to be like skids.

I could not have said it better myself. I do the same thing!! I don't want skids rubbing off on my son. I don't want them around him at all. I don't want them picking him up or holding him or anything! I just get away as much as I can but eventually I get called out on "being to protective and needing to let things go"

Ditto! I can't stand for ss4 to be around ds7months. I really dont feel like they are related at all (maybe second cousins at the closest). Ss can't let anyone enjoy ds7months without trying to butt in and re-establish all the focus on him.

The thing that really gets on my nerves is that ss4 likes to play with ds's toys. I hate it because ds is at an age where everything he touches goes into his mouth and ss is a CHRONIC thumbsucker. I dont want ss transmitting whatever is in his mouth to ds's toys, gross. Subsequently, dh and i have been able to come to an agreement that ss is not to touch ds's toys.

It's tough because you do want them to get along with each other on some level but I think we all feel like our step's negative qualities will rub off on our bios.