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Freeeeeeedom!!!!

mpatterson's picture

Submitted by mpatterson on Wed, 11/04/2015 - 4:24pm

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Bio Child Free Zone

You'll never believe it...

SO! I finally took a stand with my husband and his rotten children. I enforced rules and manners and school work. I just simply stated that if you did well in school and were respectful to me and their father they would live a pretty easy life. Of Course being the idiotic, selfish, douchenozzles that they are they failed and were grounded a lot when at our house. AND yes is caused soem problems between my husband and I but I was ready to leave if he wasn't on board. I also made him see that this was what was best for the health of his kids.

THEN the first week in June they called their father & stated that they were not coming back until he got rid of me. He stated that what WE did was for THEIR benefit and that if they could not accept it then they needed to do some serious reevaluation.

I will admit it was a hard summer but we have come out of it better and stronger for it! My husband and I finally get to have the first years of marriage that were robbed from us. We have worked out a financial agreement with his obese ex-wife and he sees the kids when he wants. Even better, as they have never apologized for the lies they said about me, and the threats they made to their father, they are not allowed at my house until we all sit down and they apologize to me & him, so they have made the decision they "are not comfortable" staying there!!! SO my husband sees them whenever he wants and I am not involved ever. AND the kids are flourishing at school with a more stable environment.. they got the best grades they have ever gotten this quarter living with their mom with one set of rules and expectations.

I am sorry to brag about my good fortune, but I wanted to put this out there as a example that us step-parents need to stand up for ourselves and what we want!

Just54321's picture

Submitted by Just54321 on Thu, 11/05/2015 - 9:07am

Congrats. It sounds like your DH finally stood up for you. I want to ask, what is his relationship with the kids when he does see them (obviously outside of your home) Are they close? Are they begrudgingly seeing him?

Do you and DH have a plan of how to address this as skids get older so that they do not grow up resenting you or DH and remain ostracized for your home?

I only ask b/c myself and DH have yet again embarked on therapy b/c of skids and all I am hearing is that I need to set aside my thoughts of "I/we deserve an apology". I need to get down to their level and basically kill them with kindness and tread lightly so I don't get hurt myself. basically I have to put on my big girl panties and fix things. Telling the skids they cannot come to our home unless they play by our rules isn't even on the table. My DH would NEVER give them an ultimatum.

mpatterson's picture

Submitted by mpatterson on Fri, 11/06/2015 - 12:56pm

My DH sees the kids weekly for dinner and sporting events, and talks to them daily. He also understands the damage that the kids did as our relationship is easy and fun now. AND his relationship with his kids is easy and fun as he gets to be the fun dad now.

Seriously, if those kids want to spend a weekend or a night at my home all they have to do is see me and have a conversation and they will not do that. It's all on them to realize I am not the bad guy. It wasn't a ultimatum that got them to choose to live with their mother full time, it was just these are the rules and they decided to not return because of them. They also know that their decision to live with their mother is permanent and their will be no changing.

For me, personally, I just had to let it all go and not care if they hated me. Even when they were in our home every other week I was their parent not their friend. For you it can be the same thing, just let it go and enforce the rules that make you comfortable they will either conform or not, but it's up to you to stay strong and get your husband on your side and not to get upset or confrontational when you DH does. Just state you are doing what is best for his children - which is all I was trying to do! Make them be accountable for school, clean room, and be respectful.

I hope this works for u or u find a happy common ground, life is too short to be miserable.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 11/05/2015 - 1:43pm

It does work...I love the fact that my SD is no longer welcome here...Sad to say, but the stress left the building and our marriage is fabulous. She is toxic and he can see he when he wants, I just don't have to.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 11/07/2015 - 5:56am

Congratulations on making the journey with DH for both of you to make each other and your marriage the only priority. It is amazing how sane the blended family world can be when that major hurdle is accomplished. The Kids, Skids, and Xs get no say, they are no priority in comparison to the marriage. Though all of the kids should be clearly be the top responsibility for all adults involved unless they are toxic little crotch nuggets and then they get fed, housed, clothed, and not much else until they catch clarity or turn 18 then they get booted if they are toxic.

Enjoy your amazing new life with your DH.

My bride and I have made it work pretty well.